First, thank you to everyone that has commented and offered me reassurances this cycle. You really have helped me deal with all this craziness.
I have wanted to update several times over the last couple of days but I didn't want to give my fears a "voice", you know? If I write out all the crazy thoughts and fears that have been trying to make their way to the front I feel like that would be giving them too much power over me.
I cannot tell you how glad I am that I took this week off of work. It has helped my stress level tremendously and I seriously think it has saved my sanity. I had a nice day with the Little Guy on Monday and then Tuesday was spent at the mall shopping (all for ME!) and getting a pedicure. Yesterday I got a bikini wax and went to the grocery store with a list a mile long and didn't even feel stressed about it. I came home and baked cookies and made the recipe on the side of the Chex box for some really yummy snacks. I laid down on the couch and took a short cat nap with my kitties. Gizmo laid right next to me and just purred me to sleep. My boys came home and we sat on the porch for a while and then went to dinner. I watched the hockey game (that we won in double OT!!) and had a blast stressing about something other than my embabies. Keeping myself busy with things I actually like doing has been such a blessing. I have said many prayers for our embabies to just keep growing for me and telling them that I will be coming for them today.
My nurse called me yesterday with my time to report to the clinic - 2:15 for a 2:45 transfer. I had an "early compacting" embryo, an 11 cell embryo and one that she didn't fully understand. She said that it was 8 cells on Tuesday and the report yesterday said "no change" but also said "early compacting". I decided not to Google anything and just enjoy my day as stress free as possible. As the day went on I got more and more butterflies. Not the sick feeling but like an excited feeling. All I kept saying to myself is that I didn't want to hear from my nurse or the lab today...I just want to show up and have my embabies transferred to their new home.
I had some plans for today before leaving for the clinic. They are an hour and a half away so I have to plan carefully. With it being a lot of people's Friday (since tomorrow is Good Friday) I was anticipating a lot of traffic to deal with. My plans changed when my cell phone rang a few minutes ago with the clinic's number showing on the caller ID. I didn't want to answer it. My heart sank. My nurse sounded way too chipper for the news that I just knew was coming.
However, that bad news never came. All she was doing was seeing if I could come earlier!! Holy Hell she scared the CRAP out of me. So now I will be arriving at 11:45 for a 12:15 transfer. I asked her the status of my embryos and she said that they would be transferring #3 which is an early blast. Number 2 is early cavitating and #1 is a blast with an inner cell mass. I will be googling all of that as soon as I'm done here. I want to be informed when I get there and when I speak with the embryologist. I called BJ to let him know the news and of course he wanted to know why they wanted me earlier. I didn't ask why, I was too relieved to hear that my embryos are still viable. Men.
I will be doing some googling and then taking a shower and running to the store to get Easter basket stuff that I have totally forgotten about and then heading to the clinic. Thank you all so much for being here for me! Please keep the positivity coming...I really need it now.