Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Inner Thoughts of a Pregnant Infertile

I know I’ve been quiet lately.  That is partly due to how busy I am at work.  It is also partly due to the fact that all I seem to want to write about is pregnancy stuff.  There ARE other things going on in my life but the pregnancy stuff is mostly front and center with me.  I need to find a good balance of writing so I don’t bore everyone to tears.  However, today I’m going to let you into my brain so that you can see what a whack job I have become.  Also, in case any other pregnant infertiles think they are crazy they can read this and know that they are not alone…nor are they crazy.  At least I hope that we aren’t all crazy.

·         Smelling (fill in the blank) didn’t make me gag, the baby’s heart must have stopped.

·         My stomach is still very squishy and soft…the baby must not be growing.

·         I’ve been suffering a major headache since Friday evening…the baby’s heart must have stopped and my hormones are plummeting.

·         I can brush my teeth without having to stop mid-way through due to excessive gagging…the baby’s heart must have stopped.

·         I slept all night without having to get up to pee…the baby must not be growing.

·         I’m leaking a huge amount of something…I must be losing the baby.  (No blood or spotting, just the Endometrin deciding to come out all at once sometimes.)

·         I started reading What to Expect on my Kindle…I hope I didn’t jinx anything.

·         Tomorrow is my last day on ALL meds so of course something will go wrong now.

·         I just know that as soon as I tell my parents about the baby that something will go wrong so I will just keep this HUGE secret to myself until I hear the h/b at my OB appointment.

·         What if there is no heartbeat at my OB appointment?

·         What if I have to write a blog post and make all of my Internet friends sad?

·         I’m a terrible mother already because I have not been eating nearly as healthy as I should be…what if I’ve already damaged my baby?  That book I mentioned above almost had me in tears this morning as it was listing how much of each kind of food I should be eating that I’m not.

·         I also read that I could already have toxoplasmosis from my cats even though I haven’t touched their litter since just before transfer.  I’m going to ask to be tested for it at my OB appointment.  Again, how could I not be more educated on that matter?

·         I felt horrible after drinking half of my V8 this morning…the baby must be fine…and not fond of V8.

·         I could only eat half my dinner last night so the baby must be fine, right?

These are just some of the random/irrational thoughts that have been going through my head lately.  I have no reason to believe that anything is wrong in there.  I also do not dwell on these thoughts.  Most of these thoughts are followed up with “baby’s fine, baby’s fine, baby’s fine.”

I know my last post was pretty similar to this one and I thank you all for your reassuring words.  I also thank you for your support though this tricky time.  I really am ok most of the time.  BJ and I started to get the basement cleaned up because it will need to be mostly finished before the baby gets here.  The nursery (holy cow!) will be what is now holding my scrapping stuff and his hunting stuff so we’ll need a place to put all of that.  We will make a dump run this weekend and maybe even buy some 2x4’s to start framing.  It’s still unbelievable to me that we are making preparations to bring a baby in the house.  I know there is a long way to go and that I’m still only 9 weeks and 5 days along, but it feels so damn good to talk about the baby and the changes it will bring to our lives.  BJ is already thinking about daycare centers, gulp.  He told me the other day that he really wants to look at baby furniture online.  I told him he could and then he said that he didn’t want to jinx anything.  I guess men can have some of those crazy thoughts too.

I don’t really have much to report on the pregnancy front.  I still get an upset stomach at random times of the day.  It happens a lot at night right before bed.  I’ve thrown up once but I’m pretty sure it was due to the major headache I’ve had since Friday.  Although it’s slowly getting better.  I’m not craving anything strange.  I’ve gained 2.5 pounds so far but plans are in the works for healthier eating…see above about the book that almost made me cry.  I’m not showing at all, much to the chagrin of BJ and the Little Guy.  Both of them keep asking me when I’ll have a belly.  I’m still pretty tired and of course the boobs are still hurting.  I stop my Delestrogen and my Endometrin tomorrow.  Scary stuff but I will be glad to be done with the panty liners and the goo.

That’s about all for now.  I hope to write a real post about something other than pregnancy anxiety very soon.  Hang in there with me…I’m a pregnant infertile and I have a week to go until my first OB appointment.  I bet you can hardly wait.  J

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Two Week Wait of Another Kind

I have 2 weeks until my first OB appointment.  I’ve already waited a week so actually I’m in a 3 week wait.  It’s excruciating.  I’m hoping that once I know things are still going ok in there the wait between appointments won’t be so bad.  However, I’ve read enough IF blogs to know that that is just wishful thinking.  It’s what I’m going with though.

This past weekend I was convinced that everything was over.  Every single symptom (just about) disappeared into thin air.  I was on the go from 10:00am to 3:30pm and was hardly tired at all.  There were no queasy moments, no smell aversions and I pretty much could eat everything I set out to eat.  My breasts were barely tender and I developed a headache in the afternoon.  This is the type of headache that I used to get just days before my period would start.  It signaled the nose-diving progesterone.  I haven’t had a headache in months.  I also did not experience any twinges, pinches or pains in my uterus.  I was sure that it was over.  I explained these fears to BJ and he wasn’t really sure how to react.  He said that he’s never heard of a woman complaining about not throwing up.  He also said that he’s sure that not everyone goes through their entire pregnancy in pain.  I gently accused him of not being supportive of my fears.  He then said that he was just trying to make me feel better.  He’s sweet but he’s never lived with a pregnant infertile.

For all the reasons above, I did not share the news with my parents when I called my dad for Father’s day on Sunday.  I chickened out.  Plus, they were at a fish fry with all of my cousins so it just didn’t feel right.  Sunday was a day of not feeling pregnant, too.  I tried not to dwell on it.  I tried my mantra many times – baby’s fine, baby’s fine, baby’s fine.  It just wasn’t working.

When Monday arrived I started having the upset stomach again.  YAY!!  It really put my mind at ease to say the least.  I was extremely tired throughout the day and evening.  I had some pinches and twinges in the uterus again, too.  All very exciting stuff, let me tell you.

Being pregnant after suffering infertility is really hard.  As happy as I am, I’m also scared to death.  Since my belly is not growing yet (other than the constipation bloat) the only proof I have of a life growing inside is (are?) my symptoms.  I know that they come and go and that I should be grateful for the days I feel good.  I am grateful, but for the next 2 weeks these symptoms are my saving grace.  When they go away, I get scared.  I think it’s pretty normal to feel this way.  In fact, I read a post in my reader yesterday that I could have written myself.  You can check it out here.  She’s a little further along than me but it’s nice to know that I’m not a crazy lady for having these feelings.

These next 2 weeks are going to be tough and I’m not sure how I’m going to distract myself to help keep my sanity make the time go by faster.  I suppose I will need to put on my patient hat and just suck it up.  There’s nothing else to do, right?  BJ said that they won’t let me come in just because I’m scared and I know he’s right.  I just wish that I had a doctor 5 minutes from my house that would let me sneak in and listen for a heartbeat.  Although, at 8w5d I don’t think I’d be able to hear it from the outside.  *sigh*

I’m doing ok today because my stomach is a little upset and that is always reassuring.  It’s those moments when I fear the worst that really suck.  We’ve been having fun talking about the baby and especially being open about it in front of the LG.  BJ asked me when we are going to start looking at baby furniture.  WHAT?  I told him at least not until after my OB appointment but probably not until later than that.  He doesn’t quite get it.  I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at anything baby related other than my baby center app on my phone.  It’s not like I’m sitting here expecting the worst.  I’m just not sitting here thinking everything is going to be hunky dory.  Does that make sense?

I’m in total awe that I am pregnant and I’m not taking one minute of it for granted.  I’m just scared that a shoe will drop and this will all come to an end.  If something like that were a rarity I wouldn’t worry so much.  However, as we all know, it happens way too often.  I am not na├»ve enough to think that it could never happen to me.  I just keep hoping and praying that everything is going like it should.  Say it with me…baby’s fine, baby’s fine, baby’s fine.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Friday Bullet Points

• The LG did not make the all-star team. I wasn’t there for the tryouts but BJ said it was a fiasco from the beginning. The poor kid gets himself so stressed out about being perfect that he ends up making mistakes. He felt horrible. I felt horrible for him. They asked to make him an alternate but we decided that would be torture. He’d go to all the practices and the game only to sit on the bench and hope for someone to get sick or hurt. That is not a cool position to be in and we felt it best to just remove him from the hurtful situation. We did, however, sign him up for a 4-day baseball camp next week and he’s excited about that. Whew! Distractions are great!

• His team played an awesome game yesterday and will now play in the championship game tomorrow! They had mediocre pitching and made some mistakes in the field and were down by 3 runs in the bottom of the 6th (last inning). One boy hit and got on base, another boy was walked and then another boy was walked. One of our better hitters got up and smacked the ball and drove in 3 runs while he was still on 3rd base. It was time for the LG to bat. He had been walked twice and hit a double earlier in the game. We didn’t have any outs. I was so nervous. I knew the winning run was on 3rd and hoped that the LG was able to hit the ball as a sacrifice and bring the 3rd base runner home. He was almost hit with a pitch and I hoped that he wouldn’t get walked. The next pitch came and he hit the ball into the infield by the pitcher. The pitcher scooped up the ball and instead of trying to hold the runner at 3rd (not a force out since no one was on 2nd) he threw the ball to first and got the LG out. We scored and won the game! It was so exciting. So now we play our last game of the season tomorrow. I hope we can pull it off. The team we are playing is tough to say the least. I don’t like their cocky attitudes and we have lost to them twice already. Wish us luck!

• I was finally able to get an appointment with my OB. I’m scheduled for July 3 at 1:15. That seems like an eternity away…I will have to put my patient hat on because there’s nothing I can do to change it.

• I also made an appointment for the scan with the MFM office. That appointment is not until the 16th! They said I’d have to meet with the genetics counselor due to my advanced maternal age. I had to fess up that we did DE and used a 22-year old’s eggs so that was not necessary. BJ said he’s coming to that appointment for sure. He was bummed about missing the last scan.

• I think I’m telling my parents this weekend. From the way I’m feeling I’m going to venture out on a limb and say that everything is still going good in there so it’s time to let them in on the joy.

• This weekend’s weather is supposed to be spectacular. I can’t wait as I love the lower humidity and the sunshine. Tomorrow morning will be a perfect time to work out in the yard since last weekend it was too hot and muggy to do so. My flowers need trimmed so that more can grow. I’m so happy with my petunias…I put 2 small plants in each pot on our porch and they are over flowing with blooms. I love it!

• Sunday is Father’s Day and I have nothing planned for BJ. We are picking the LG up around 2:00 or so and will probably go and get some steamed crabs, but other than that…I got nothin’. There’s really nothing to buy him and a card will get read and then put aside. I think spending time with his son is the most important thing anyway.

• The sadness that has engulfed the blogosphere this week is truly upsetting. I’m a follower of one of the ladies that suffered a horrible loss but do not know the other 2. However, my heart breaks for them and their families. And selfishly, I fear for myself. I can’t imagine their pain or what they are going through…it seems unbearable. I told BJ about it and told him that I guess we’re never really safe. It sucks that these bad things happen to such good people. And it’s not like I can stick my head in the sand and just ignore the possibility that this could happen to us. I’m not going to dwell on it but it’s always there in my mind. I’m so very sorry that these ladies have to endure these tragedies. It really does break my heart.

• I’m always touched by the support and encouragement I get from my readers. I am so grateful to have you all out there. You know exactly how to lift my spirits and put my mind at ease. I love opening my e-mail and seeing messages from you. Especially those of you whom I have not heard from on your own blogs in a long time. I love it when you drop in and wish me well. Thank you all! I hope you have a good weekend or at least as good of one as you can.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

7w5d Ultrasound and Graduation

I was a little nervous over the weekend that things weren’t going well because I wasn’t feeling particularly “pregnant”. I hardly experienced any nausea and food did not gross me out so I was eating just fine. Until Sunday night, that is. I had a hard time eating my bbq chicken, which I love. All day yesterday I felt pretty crummy, too. Oddly enough, it perked me up to feel sick all day. I didn’t enjoy it, per se, but I knew that it must mean that things were still going good in my uterus.

Things were going great in my uterus, actually. I had to go to my scan alone this morning so I was a little extra nervous. I have a new mantra that I repeat over and over when I start to get too antsy about things. It goes like this, “Baby is fine, baby is fine, baby is fine.” It did me wonders this morning. Unlike my first u/s I was not afraid to look at the screen when the wand went in. I was, however, frantically searching the screen for evidence of life. And then there it was…our little gummy bear and I saw the heart just beating away. I think my first words were, “Oh my gosh! It’s so big!” And then she said, “And it’s moving around.” It sure was moving. At my last scan it looked like a lightning bug with its whole body flashing but this time, it had an unmistakable heartbeat inside its little body.

At that point Dr. M came in and had me in conversation while she was taking all the measurements. He was asking me about my OB and said that I should call them today to make my first appointment! I have officially graduated! I asked what the heart rate was and he told me 158bpm…perfect. And then I asked him if I was measuring at 7w5d and he said I was measuring fine at about 7w2or3d. I made a mental note to try and not worry about that. After he and the tech left the room (and gave me my 2 pictures) I got dressed and glanced at the screen. I scribbled down the measurements on a scrap piece of paper so that I could reference them when I got to work. I sent BJ a text that the baby was doing great and was BIG and then I went to see the nurse. As I was waiting, my old IVF nurse walked by and I flagged her down. I showed her the scan picture and she was so happy for me. She gave me a hug and had tears in her eyes and congratulated me. It was a very nice moment. I saw the discharge nurse and she gave me some papers (some of which were mailed to me with my medication weaning schedule) and a referral for a scan with a Maternal and Fetal Medicine facility. Dr. M said that he would refer me just because he could and he knew that another u/s would make me happy. I’m to call them tomorrow to set up an appointment. And then I went over to pay my co-pay for the visit. The receptionist did a double take and said, “Oh, you are graduating so you don’t need another appointment.” And then the other lady behind the counter said, “I wasn’t expecting that! Congratulations!” I said thank you to both of them and was on my way.

I told BJ all about it on the drive to work. I told him that once I have a successful first OB appointment he will be free to tell whomever he chooses. And then he asked me again when I’ll be showing. Seriously, the man asks me this question at least every 2 days. He’s a trip. I think it will make it more real for him to see my growing belly. The one co-worker/friend that knows for sure what is going on got to see the picture. She’s very happy for me and thinks that everything will be fine from here on out. I certainly hope so.

I did a couple of quick searches for CRL at my stage and have decided that I’m not measuring 7w2or3days but rather right on track or even a day or 2 ahead. I’ll have to look some more tonight when I’m at home to make sure. I’m a numbers person so doing this helps put my mind at ease a bit.

Here are the numbers I wrote down from the screen:

CRL – 15.7mm
GS – 13.1

I called the OB’s office but she is so busy that they are going to have to call me back to find a time when I can come in. Wow…there must be a population boom going on in my county. I can’t wait to put that appointment on my calendar!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Proud Moments

I’d like to take this opportunity to boast about my step-son a little bit. Well, a lot, actually. He’s definitely not perfect and we are struggling in some areas, but overall he’s a really good kid and he deserves some props.

He had his 5th grade graduation/recognition ceremony on Friday. As the administrator was detailing the criteria for the President’s Award for Academic Excellence I leaned over and whispered to BJ that I bet the LG will get that. And sure enough they called his name! He maintained a 3.5 (or better) GPA and excelled at math and/or reading throughout the year. He definitely had the grades for it. He always get all A’s and only 1-3 B’s on his report cards and he’s in the honors math and reading classes. It was awesome to see him up on the stage with the other kids holding the award. He has signed up for honors classes next year in middle school, too. His teacher is confident that he’ll be able to handle it. I sure hope so because he’s a very smart kid when he slows down and pays attention to the details.

Last Saturday at his baseball game he found his swing and his power. He hit his first ever home run! This home run was not the result of the other team over throwing bases, either. This was a bon-a-fide, well hit, perfectly placed homerun. That ball sailed into left field and the kid ran after it and the LG was already rounding 3rd by the time he threw the ball in. His next at bat was just as exciting. He cracked the ball to right field and it sailed just like the first one. This one ended up being a triple! It was so exciting and he was so proud of himself. All of his coaches (and us) have always tried to help him with his swing and his stance because we just knew he could do stuff like that. He has so much potential. He’s pitched a few times this year, too and done very well. He has the best arm (strength and distance) on the team, by far. He just needs to work on his accuracy. He gets flustered pretty easily and then starts making mistakes, like many people when they flustered and stressed and feel pressure. We always try to calm him down and get him to “shake it off” but it doesn’t always work. His team played the first game in the tournament this past Saturday and he had another couple of good hits. He could have had another homerun thanks to a line drive hit to center field but the 3rd base coach held him up at 3rd because he misjudged where the ball was. Oh well, it was still great. Since the team had a lead that the other team couldn’t overcome (mercy rule of 5 runs per inning) the coach put him in to pitch. As he was warming up I was privy to this conversation between our coach and the other head coach.

Other coach – I see what you mean.

Our coach – I told you…just work on his mechanics and he’ll be a rock solid pitcher.

Other coach – He has quite the arm.

Game 2 of the tournament is tomorrow…if they win they will head to the championship game on Thursday!

Our assistant coaches all see the potential, too. He just has to keep his head in the game and not get so upset with himself. His coach called him a natural. Wow. He is the only kid on his team that can throw the ball from left field to right field (and even 1st base) with hardly any effort at all. It’s amazing to watch and I sure hope he keeps playing and working on his craft.

I received an e-mail Thursday from his coach stating that the coaches of all the teams have been asked to identify 4 players that they think should try out for the All-Star team. The LG has been chosen! He will try out on Wednesday evening. I’m so excited for him. He’s also very excited because he’s never been chosen before so this is very special. Fingers crossed that he makes the team. Like I said, he gets frustrated pretty easily so hopefully the pressure doesn’t get to him and he shows everyone what he can really do. Either way, I hope he’s proud of himself (just like we are) that he was chosen to try out.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Telling the News

There are many differing opinions regarding when and to whom to share the news of a pregnancy. In the normal, fertile world I don’t know that keeping a pregnancy a secret until you hit 12 weeks is the norm or not. I know many people that have spilled the beans a lot sooner without a second thought. That is all fine and good in their world. My world, the Infertile world, is a little different…at least in my opinion.

I was sure that as soon as I saw a heartbeat I would want to share the news with the people closest to us. Then I had the bleeding scare. And then I thought about all the blogs I have read over the years where women have lost babies at 7, 8, 9 and as late as 12 weeks. That does not count the other losses even later than that due to other complications. It’s very scary. I know that if I lose this baby (please don’t let that happen) I will be devastated. I really did not want to inflict any pain on anyone else that might love this baby, too. Given all of that, I decided that I wanted to wait until I was at least 10 weeks before telling those people closest to us. People like the Little Guy, BJ’s sister, my parents. My husband had a different plan.

He cannot keep a secret to save his life. As soon as he knows something he has to call me or text me or come running in the house to tell me. It’s crazy. So he decided to tell the Little Guy about the baby as long as everything went well at our u/s. I told him that I wasn’t sure about this but was over ruled so I had to think fast and think of a way to make it memorable. After a 2 ½ hour commute home and a terrible experience at KFC picking up dinner, I finally made it home. I was exhausted to say the least. So we ate dinner and the LG went to clean up. I asked BJ if we were still telling him and he confirmed that we were. I asked him if he had thought about a cool way to tell him but he had just planned on blurting it out. I said, “No way. I’ve waited way too long for this moment to just blurt it out. Let me tell him.” So the LG came back to the kitchen and we were standing around the table. BJ told him we had something to talk to him about. Then I started…

Me – In January…you are…going to be…a big brother

LG – Really?

Me – Yep

LG – Cool

BJ – She’s trying to tell you that she’s pregnant

LG – I figured….cool. When did you find out?

Me – On my birthday

LG – That’s cool

BJ – It’s still pretty early, and sometimes miscarriages happen but we’re really hoping that it won’t.

Me – We saw the heartbeat today…here’s the picture

LG – That’s it? (pointing at the spec on the u/s picture) Cool.

BJ – You can tell your mom if you want. We haven’t told anyone else but you yet.

LG – Cool

And then he was off to play video games. Not the cute, creative way I would have liked, but he seemed good with it. There’s more to this story and I’ll get there in a minute.

The next day was his baseball game and his mom came with her new boyfriend (which I really need to write about), her dad and her boyfriend’s daughter. We didn’t sit together this time, thank goodness so I didn’t really talk to her at all. We learned that they had plans to go to the amusement park the next day and so we figured that the LG might be too preoccupied to say anything to his mom. We also weren’t sure if he’d say anything in front of the new boyfriend. After the game we were driving home and BJ’s text alert played. It was her. She was congratulating him. She thinks it’s awesome that the LG will have a half brother or sister. I then told BJ that we could not wait to tell his sister until we saw her in person because she and the LG’s mother are FB friends. We called my SIL the next day and put her on speaker phone. She was playing video games with her kids. I shouted out that we are having a baby. She freaked out. It was such a great reaction. She told the kids to play for her because she had to go. She kept saying things like “are you kidding?” “you’re joking, right?” She was so happy for us. Then she asked if it was “natural”. I told her that we had help but that everything looked good so far. We talked for a while and I promised to keep her updated on everything.

That Monday, the LG’s mom sent me an e-mail to congratulate me and tell me how excited he was to tell her. She said that his butt had hardly hit the seat of the truck before the news came flying out of his mouth. I was so touched. He has made a couple of comments over the years about how he likes being the only kid so I was worried that he’d be upset. I think he’s old enough now to where we won’t have any jealousy issues. He’ll make a great big brother, I’m sure of it.

So that’s how the telling went so far. I’m probably going to wait until after Tuesday to tell my parents. If everything still looks really good then I may go ahead and spill the beans to them. I’m not 100% sure yet. Of course, BJ can’t wait until I give him the all clear to make his FB announcement. I will not be doing that but he wants to so I guess he will. That kind of announcement will just have to wait a few more weeks.

In other news…I received a folder in the mail from the clinic. They congratulated me on my pregnancy and provided a slew of helpful information regarding how to stave off nausea and some things that are ok for pregnancy and some things that are not. They also gave me a form to give my OB and a form to fill out and send back to them after delivery. After delivery? I’m only 7 weeks and they sent me a form for after delivery? Wow…It’s almost like I’m a regular pregnant lady. I like it. It scares me, but I like it. They also want me to stop my PIO shots tomorrow and switch over to Endometrin. I’m to continue my Delestrogen until 6/27 and at that point I can stop all medications. Double wow.

I will admit, I’m a bit nervous. I was doing ok because I was starting to feel a little nausea here and there so I was comfortable knowing that everything was going ok. However, I haven’t had any nausea today and there haven’t been any smells that have made me gag today. I’m sure it’s just one of those things that just comes and goes, but it still makes me nervous. I have to wait until Tuesday to see my little bean again and it’s going to be a long wait. Fingers crossed and prayers said that everything is still going good in there.

Monday, June 4, 2012

6w1d First (scheduled) Ultrasound

I’m so sorry for waiting this long to post. Everything is fine. I’m so busy at work lately that I barely have time to breath. Then over the weekend all I wanted to do was either lounge on the couch or the porch (it was PERFECT weather outside). I couldn’t get motivated to do much of anything. I cleaned a little, I did a little laundry and I did a little yard work. I took a nap on Saturday and Sunday and it felt so good to just shut my eyes and drift off.

Anyway, back to our appointment on Friday. BJ and drove separately because we each had to work afterward. While we were waiting in the room, I got undressed from the waist down and he said, “They’re going to go up in you for this?” I told him that everything was too tiny to be seen from the outside. And I made sure to tell him that he was to stand by my side and not by my feet.

The tech came in and asked me if I was ok because she heard that I had been in the day before. I told her what happened and she showed the appropriate reaction of “oh my gosh…of course you were scared.” I’m sure they get that all the time.

Just as she was about to begin the scan, Dr. M came in. He spent so much time talking to BJ and me that I didn’t really get to ask any questions other than how fast the heartbeat was measuring. He said 113bpm. That seemed a little low to me but he said it was fine. I made the tech show us the heart again so that BJ could really get a good glimpse. And then we were done. The tech was gone in a flash so I have no idea what the other measurements were. Dr. M congratulated us again and explained to us how bleeding can occur because of “snuggling in” and because we make the uterine lining so thick and fluffy that some leakage is not uncommon. He told me to take it easy over the weekend and made a point of telling us not to have intercourse for the next few days. Booo. They printed another picture for us and he told me that he wants me back in about 10 days. That seems really far away so I hope it gets here quickly. I made the appointment for 6/12. I told BJ that he didn’t have to come if he didn’t want to but it’s always nice to have him along. I’m trying to live in a very positive state of mind so thinking that I will get bad news is not something I’m letting myself believe right now. My brain knows it to be true, but my heart won’t let me go there.

I’m out of time so I can’t post about us telling the LG about the pregnancy. We told him Friday night. And then he told his mom. And then we had to tell my SIL for fear of her finding out from the LG’s mother. I’ll write about all of that later this week.

Thank you for checking on me and again, I’m sorry for posting so late. I know that I get worried about bloggers when they don’t post right after an appointment. It just goes to show how much we all really care about each other.