Just once I'd like my body to do what it has in the past. Minus the not getting pregnant part. Just once I'd like to know that I did everything right on my end. Why is that too much to ask? I'm so frustrated right now that I could scream and cry and throw in the towel. I know I'm over reacting but I don't care. I know I should just pipe down and settle in for the 2ww. But I don't want to pipe down. I'm tired of being quiet and just sitting here like nothing is bothering me.
Way back in the day (and even now) when I used opk's to time BD'ing it was tricky. I would get a positive and then I would ovulate less than 48 hours later. Usually, I would ovulate in 24 hours or less when I got the positive result. I have come to count on that. I have come to rely on that. I have always been certain that my surge wasn't as strong as those women who get a positive and know they have up to 2 days before ovulation. It has always been that way for me. Until now, of course.
Not only is my body trying to get back to normal in length and day of ovulation, but it seems like it's trying to act like a "normal" woman's body, too. Where is all of this anger and frustration coming from? I'll tell you...
BJ and I did our thing Friday night like we had wanted. I knew it was still early but feared that I'd get the positive on Saturday and be out of luck. Imagine how happy I was that I tested negative twice on Saturday. I knew asking you ladies for help in that area would work. And like I had hoped, I got a blaring positive on the opk Sunday. Heaven's to Betsy this was going to be perfect! BJ and I had already been teasing and flirting with each other so we both had it on our minds. The Little Guy went with his mom after his basketball game and BJ and I went out to watch the rest of the race and just chill. I had a couple of drinks and we ate dinner. We went home and of course being all relaxed and what not, things happened. I was pretty happy since I just knew I'd ovulate Monday.
I started feeling sick around 11:00pm. I woke up with a terrible stomach ache and needed to use the bathroom. As soon as I was done with that, I was hurling up my dinner. Great. I was up a couple more times sitting on and then sticking my head in the toilet. A great visual don't you think? It was terrible. BJ said that his stomach was hurting, too so we deduced that our crab dip made us sick. I didn't get to sleep until a little after 2:00am. Then it was off to work. I would have stayed home but we had a big meeting to prepare for and my boss had a trip that I needed to finalize some details on. I didn't get sick anymore but I felt pretty queasy all day. Not to mention I was exhausted. Puking takes a lot out of a person. Then it dawned on me that I wasn't feeling any ovulation pains. I decided (and I don't know why) to POAS again. And it was another blaring positive.
Most women would be ecstatic to get a positive 2 days in a row. I'm obviously not most women. I was so mad that I cursed that 2nd line. There was no way either of us was going to be up for another romp after the night we had...it was bad enough that I was sick and didn't sleep but I kept waking BJ up every time I got out of and into bed. Plus, BJ asked me in the morning if we had at least gotten our timing right. I beamed out a big "yes" and told him I was pretty sure I'd be ovulating Monday. Now here it is Tuesday (CD13) and I still don't feel like I'm ovulating fully, I've had a few pinches in the ovary area but nothing definitive.
Again, I'm over reacting with all this anger and frustration as I know I should take this as a good sign. Maybe my fertility is not diminishing as much as I had feared. Maybe it just needs to work out some kinks? I don't know, but I had better feel some ovulation pains today. We have the Little Guy tonight so I don't know if I'd be able to swindle some action out of BJ or not. I just want my body to be predictable again...although as predictable as it used to be I never got a baby out of it.
Oh, and thanks for the advice and well wishes regarding the Clomid. I know I'm a pretty quick responder and that my follies grow fast (when not suppressed into oblivion) so I'm going to take it starting on day 3. I figure it's better to start a little early than to miss the boat all together. When I did my IUI's I responded well starting on day 3 so that's going to be my plan of attack next cycle.