May 8, 2011 was not a good day for me. It was Mother's day and that day has always been a problem for me anyway, let alone since trying (and trying, and trying) to get pregnant. That day last year was CD1. Or as I like to refer to it, the official end of the one and only pregnancy I thought I'd ever have the chance to experience. It was a day spent on the couch watching mindless TV with my husband. I was fighting tears and hardly able to crack a smile all day. BJ was there for me but he didn't even realize that my period had started. I couldn't bring myself to say the words. It felt like saying those words would make it even more real. Hearing that my beta had dropped was hard enough but the visual proof of letting that little embryo go was almost more than I could bear (bare?).
May 8, 2012 could not be more different. I woke up on time, got ready on time and left a few minutes early because I had to get gas. The gps said I'd arrive at 8:12. Awesome. I knew I'd be later than that because of traffic but I thought for sure I had given myself enough time. The Beltway was moving well and I hadn't really encountered too many issues so far so I was beginning to relax. And then I hit the slow traffic. And then I stopped. And then I was just creeping along watching the gps adjust my arrival time minute by minute. There's a sign posted that lets drivers know when they will reach the next big turn off. It's only 9 miles or so and the sign said it would take me 37 minutes to get there. WHAT??? Cue panic-mode. I was cussing and yelling and on the verge of tears. The traffic finally lightened up and I got to my exit and parked with about 6 minutes to spare. Whew! I checked in and was seated. That is about the time my bladder filled up completely with the water I had been drinking. I was in agony. I asked the receptionist if I could empty a little. She obliged. Not 10 minutes later I was in even worse pain. No sitting position was comfortable. I had to undo my pants. I couldn't even get on FB on my phone or play Scramble or anything. I went back up to the receptionist and she assured me it would only be a few more minutes. My name was called and I could barely walk. The nurse said, "you need to go release for about 20 seconds...we can't work with you like that." Ha ha. After that everything was much more pleasant. I received some very surprising news, too. We actually had 14 eggs! Ten of them were mature and 9 fertilized. That donor was amazing, was she not? The doctor went on to ask how many we were transferring and I confirmed it would only be one. He said that was good because we actually have one grade 1A (the highest!) embryo that we are going to transfer. He said the others were at different stages of development and that they will give them 1 to 2 more days to grow before deciding on what to freeze. He thinks there will be a couple. My nurse will call me by Friday to let me know what we have left. Then the picture came up on the screen. I was amazed at how beautiful it looked. I told him it was better looking than anything I've ever produced. He laughed. He mentioned a couple of times how good the embryo looked. (an over-achiever, already?). Then in it went. The doctor said that I might feel some liquid "exiting" later but not to worry, that it wasn't the embryo. I chuckled and said that I don't want to see the embryo until January. He thought that was funny, too. I laid there, got my discharge papers/instructions, emptied my bladder the rest of the way (heaven!) and was out the door. They want me to wait until 5/21 for my beta but of course I'll be testing well before then. I had no issues getting home, of course, as the traffic had cleared out.
So today, I'm on the couch, watching mindless TV and waiting for my husband to come home from work to sit and cuddle with me. I can't seem to stop smiling...especially when I look at the picture (which brought me to tears when they first handed it to me). Today, we will admire our picture of the embryo that we are hoping will attach itself to my uterine lining (which is another thing I hope I don't see until after January).
Thank you all for your reassurances yesterday and all of your support and just for being there for me. It means a lot to me to have you all following along and cheering us on. All of your comments on my last post really helped to calm me down. Now, to make it through the next 7 days or so as I dream, ponder, worry, freak out, break down, rise high and just generally try to hold it together until I test.
Oh, and I leave you with the picture of our embryo: