May 3, 2011 was met with giddy anticipation and some fear. The hpt I took the previous morning was a shade or 2 lighter than the one before it. I shook it off and kept an open heart and mind. I was pregnant and this was for real. I had a beta scheduled for that morning. I was excited because I knew it would be positive. I just didn’t know how big the number was going to be. I was hoping for over 100 because I did a lot of searching on the evil internet. This was the first time I had ever sat in the chair with a big smile plastered on my face. I was happy to be getting stuck with that needle and nothing could change that. It was a great feeling. I had taken the whole day off because we also had a meeting at the school later that afternoon. BJ and I met up for lunch and I kept my phone close by. I could hardly eat my food I had such butterflies in my stomach. Of course, the tomatoes had to come off my burger because I just couldn’t stomach them. We didn’t get the call until about an hour before the school meeting. We were lounging on the couch in pure silence. My cell phone rang and I jumped up and leaned forward to take the call. My nurse said the words I’ll never forget, “they did find HCG in your blood...” and my heart sank because her tone was not as excited as it should be. She continued, “but it was a bit low. It was 38.” My heart sank even further. At the stage I was at, it should have been well over 100. My shoulders sank and I leaned over as if I had been gut punched. I could see BJ out of the corner of my eye. His shoulders sank and he turned his head away from me. The nurse told me that I’d have to repeat in 2 days, blah, blah, blah...it’s a blur from there. I cried to BJ and had to explain to him that yes I’m pregnant but it won’t last and I’m going to lose it. He just held me and let me cry. He didn’t fully understand the significance of the number so he was asking questions but I don’t think I answered them. I had to dust myself off shortly thereafter because we still had a meeting at the school to attend. It was so hard to concentrate on anything that was said in the meeting. All I kept thinking about was that number.
May 3, 2012 was met with giddy anticipation and some fear, too. Things have been going so well with our donor and this process that I keep waiting for the bad news. BJ’s appointment was set for 10:30. He wasn’t happy about it. Of course, this made me stress a bit. I hate it when he gets agitated with the process because he’s very vocal about it. Yes, he was inconvenienced ONE MORNING through this whole thing. I’m the one that has been on bcp and stabbing myself in the ass with really long needles. I’m the one that has had to have the blood work and the ultrasounds and he’s going to bitch about having to watch p.o.rn and take a couple of hours off of work? But I digress. His appointment time meant that he could lolly gag at home in the morning and do his thing and head out. I sent a text at 8:00 to make sure he was up. He was. He called me at 8:50 to complain about the traffic. He hadn’t even gotten out of the county yet. Then he’s sending me texts about how bad the Beltway is backed up. I’m sitting at my desk reading these messages and I’m about to go into full blown panic. I hate the traffic in this area. It’s so unpredictable from day to day. Who would have thought that as late as he left there would still be rush hour volume out there? Ugh. I had butterflies in my stomach as I was watching the clock. His next message said that his GPS told him that there was a 25 minute back up now. HOLY HELL! Since I know my husband, I sent him a message back that stated to keep the sample warm and be careful. If he feels stressed about time he’ll drive like a crazy man and all I could think about was him either getting into an accident or being pulled over and delayed. I started thinking of when I would call the clinic and explain that he’d be late...would they cancel us out? Would they still be able to perform the wash in time for the procedure? What if he’s delayed so much that the swimmers all die? Cue crazy internal freak out. As I’m trying to distract myself with work and NOT watch the time whisking by, my phone buzzes again. It’s the husband, of course. I’m dreading reading it because it’s now 10:05 and I don’t want more bad news. The message reads “made it early!” AMEN! Now began the wait for the phone call regarding the number of eggs. And of course the freak out of hoping the donor gets there in time and is not caught in all that awful traffic. BJ called me when he left at 10:30 and we both breathed a sigh of relief that our part had been completed. Now we just had to wait for the all-important number. I had no clue what time her procedure was scheduled for but guessed maybe around 11:30 since we always had to hang out for an hour or so for our IVF’s. I was waiting on an e-mail from someone else and decided to check to see if it had come in when to my surprise my nurse sent me an e-mail at 11:00 with the count. We have nine mature eggs all to ourselves! They will all be fertilized with ICSI and I’ll get an actual fertilization report tomorrow. NINE MATURE EGGS! That means that this girl produced at least 27 mature eggs for the 3 recipients. How wonderful to be 22 and fertile. How wonderful to be willing to share that fertility with others. I feel so blessed right now I can’t even tell you. I know there are more hurdles and more numbers to wait on, but that number is so much better than I was hoping for, than I even dared to dream of. It makes my sore left butt cheek (from my PIO shot last night) hurt just a bit less. The next number I’m hoping for is at least 4 growing embryos that look great and can be cultured to 5-day blasts. But for now, I’m relishing in THIS great number.
One year ago today I was devastated by a number and today I’m on cloud 9 because of a different number. I hope that things continue to move in a positive forward motion and that very soon I will be even more blessed.
Side note – my shot went well last night aside from apparently hitting a blood vessel. I bled like a stuck pig after I pulled the needle out. And as stated above, my butt is pretty sore today. Not sure if it’s from the PIO or the fact that I haven’t done any shots on that side yet. I’ll find out tomorrow because I will be stabbing the right side tonight.