Friday, January 15, 2010

I Fell for the Fish

So in an attempt to lose some of this TTC weight/flab that I have acquired over the last year, I have decided to strengthen my will power. I'm actually pretty good at saying "no" to foods I like. I have a very healthy appetite to say the least. BJ jokes with me and says things like "you have a 300 pound woman living inside you" and "where do you put all that food?". It's true, if you were to see me eat dinner you would think I should weigh 300 pounds. I eat pretty sparingly for breakfast and lunch so I'm starving by the time dinner rolls around. I was raised that you clean your plate and since BJ sometimes puts my food on my plate, I feel obligated to eat it. Strange, I know, but true. Plus, I hate throwing left overs away. If there's a few more bits of something, I'll eat it instead of wasting it.

I used to be chunky a while back. I don't like the word "fat" so I use "chunky". I carry most of my weight between my belly button and my knees. I'm built just like my mother. I have petite arms and wrists and and ankles. Some of my weight shows up in my round face...that I get from my dad. I'm 5'2" so every little pound and inch really makes a difference. I was 145 pounds when I went on WW. It took me 6 months, but I lost 35 pounds. I kept it off really well, too, until I hooked up with BJ. Within 4 months I gained 10 of it back. I pretty much stayed there for quite a while...until a year ago when I started treatments. I basically quit exercising and gave in to temptation all over the place. I don't know exactly how much I weigh right now as I don't own a scale (thank goodness) but I know it's more than I want to. I also am a bit flabby in places that weren't so flabby before.

I started doing pilates again last week. I did them 3 times and then this week I have done them 4 times. We have a very small fitness center at work and I go at lunch. I have asked BJ to get me on his membership at the gym so we can start doing cardio 2 or 3 nights a week. I'm still waiting for that to happen. The pilates that I do is a 20 minute workout and it's meant for toning and lengthening muscles. It works as long as I restrict my daytime diet and don't snack at night. Plus, it makes me feel good to be that stretched out and even makes me a little more (ahem) limber.

That brings me to the fish. Our cafeteria has a pretty set menu...Monday - bbq rib day (more like a McRib but I've never had one), Tuesday - turkey burger, Wednesday - hamburger, Thursday - chicken patty, Friday - fried fish tenders. I brought my lunch today...something that I like and that is only 5 points on the WW scale. As I was working out I kept having an argument with myself about what to eat for lunch. I love the fish with french fries. I haven't had it in ages. But I have my perfectly good lunch that I will not feel guilty about eating. I'm sure I will eat a lot of calories this weekend (as I usually do) so I don't need them now. But the fish is so yummy and would really fill me up...the lunch I brought will leave me wanting more. You get one guess as to what I ended up doing.

I purposefully took only the money I needed for a diet soda with me to the gym. So after I fell for the fish option, I had to come back to my desk and get more money to go and get the fish. Unbelievable. I think I need a scale in my house to help me with this but I'm afraid to see what it says. I know that I have at least 5 pounds to lose. I'm sure it will really be closer to 10 once I get on a scale though. Lovely.

On the bright side...since I'm only 4DPO I can't play the "hey, I'm craving fish so I MUST be pregnant" game. If by some miracle it did happen, the little guy/gal wouldn't even be nestled in yet. So I am spared that agony of wonderment. However, I just get to wallow with the fact that my will power needs a power boost.

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

Ugh! I know how you feel! I have gone off and on WW like 3 times now. I always have amazing results, because my problem is eating consistently... But, it always seems like it is one little thing that will get me knocked off the wagon. Fertility meds really increase body fat! I have never been skinny - EVER - but since starting treatments, I now have like a roll of upper abdomen fat. I have never had that before!=P I have always had a really small, flat waist/tummy, carrying most of my weight from hips-to-thighs. It stinks! Hopefully, with this break from treatment, I can get rid of that. Anyways, sorry to rant... Hang in there... You CAN stick to WW!!!

AplusB said...

Too funny about the fish. Sometimes you just NEED something and once it's in your head you won't stop thinking about it until it's in your belly! I think that's better than obsessing about it.

I LOVE LOVE pilates - such a great way to tone and lengthen!

A said...

I also love pilates- but I am thinking of trying yoga? Now to put that into action :)

I left you an award on my blog!

C said...

Losing weight is so tough. Good luck, but remember to give yourself a treat once in a while :)

gracieinbrooklyn said...

We are our own worst enemy. I am impressed that your workplace has pilates at lunch! My company's too small to do that, plus they don't like us to leave our desks!

I've adjusted my eating schedule. I now have a HUGE breakfast since otherwise, I found I was eating too much at night. I've also tried to stop myself from snacking at night.

Good for you for finding ways to insert exercise into your schedule.

(P.S. Love the new wallpaper. It looks like a beautiful frame!)