No, that’s not a type-o. I actually feel like I’m gaining weight by the minute. Since I started the bcp and the pre-natals, I have gained just over 5 pounds. I swear the scale goes up almost a half a pound a day.
The pre-natals make it difficult to, um, go...if you know what I mean. I took Colace a few times to try and help things along. I started with 1 pill and since it didn’t do anything for me I took 2 the next day. I let a full day go by and took another 2. Granted, I went, but not much. Ewww...I know, tmi. I’ve stopped taking the Colace for now. I’ve seen no benefit of it.
I’ve been on active bcp since February 28. That means that I have not had a cycle since February 26. That’s over 5 weeks since my lining has shed. My uterus can’t even take it anymore as I have started to spot here and there.
Between my belly being full of things it should be getting rid of and my uterine lining trying to break records, I feel exceptionally bloated and full and fat. I have not seen numbers on the scale like this since 2004. My eating habits have not really changed so I know it’s not because I’ve all of a sudden decided to eat everything in sight.
I keep telling my husband that I can’t have a snack with him at night, something we have done for years, because I’m turning into a big fatty. He looks at me and says “you’re probably going to be pregnant soon so who cares if you’re a big fatty?” Nice but not nice. Of course he said it while laughing but it still made me want to smack him. See, the bcp have not stopped making me a crazy lady, either.
I know this is all part of the process and I’m thankful to be going through it, really. I just wish I weren’t such a nut about keeping my weight in check. I feel like I can’t do anything about it right now. I could always exercise more but who has the energy for that after work? They closed our gym at work to make renovations and it won’t open again for another 6 or 8 weeks. I don’t want to starve myself or go on some crazy diet as I’m trying to keep myself healthy for an impending transfer. I feel stuck and I hate that feeling. I also hate the feeling of my pants getting tighter and tighter by the day. Ugh.
I have my suppression check Friday morning. If all goes well I can bid these bcp farewell on Sunday. I’ll be able to shed my lining and hopefully that will help. I’m sure the bloat will return with the Lupron but I don’t really remember having many problems with it before so hopefully that trend will continue.
I know this may all sound petty and trivial but my weight has been an issue with me for a very long time and I panic when it goes up this fast. I’ve been able to maintain my weight, within 3 pounds or so, for the last few years of IF treatments so to see such an increase so fast has really left me feeling quite defeated.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Also, thanks for the advice with my PIO shots. I talked to my doctor and he recommended taking a warm wash cloth and wrapping it around the bottle before injecting. He also suggested warming the injection area with a heating pad or hot water bottle beforehand. And finally, massaging the area after the injection. The only thing left to figure out is how to give it to myself because I know BJ is not going to want to do it. I’ll watch some YouTube videos and I should be fine.
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Friday, January 15, 2010
I Fell for the Fish
So in an attempt to lose some of this TTC weight/flab that I have acquired over the last year, I have decided to strengthen my will power. I'm actually pretty good at saying "no" to foods I like. I have a very healthy appetite to say the least. BJ jokes with me and says things like "you have a 300 pound woman living inside you" and "where do you put all that food?". It's true, if you were to see me eat dinner you would think I should weigh 300 pounds. I eat pretty sparingly for breakfast and lunch so I'm starving by the time dinner rolls around. I was raised that you clean your plate and since BJ sometimes puts my food on my plate, I feel obligated to eat it. Strange, I know, but true. Plus, I hate throwing left overs away. If there's a few more bits of something, I'll eat it instead of wasting it.
I used to be chunky a while back. I don't like the word "fat" so I use "chunky". I carry most of my weight between my belly button and my knees. I'm built just like my mother. I have petite arms and wrists and and ankles. Some of my weight shows up in my round face...that I get from my dad. I'm 5'2" so every little pound and inch really makes a difference. I was 145 pounds when I went on WW. It took me 6 months, but I lost 35 pounds. I kept it off really well, too, until I hooked up with BJ. Within 4 months I gained 10 of it back. I pretty much stayed there for quite a while...until a year ago when I started treatments. I basically quit exercising and gave in to temptation all over the place. I don't know exactly how much I weigh right now as I don't own a scale (thank goodness) but I know it's more than I want to. I also am a bit flabby in places that weren't so flabby before.
I started doing pilates again last week. I did them 3 times and then this week I have done them 4 times. We have a very small fitness center at work and I go at lunch. I have asked BJ to get me on his membership at the gym so we can start doing cardio 2 or 3 nights a week. I'm still waiting for that to happen. The pilates that I do is a 20 minute workout and it's meant for toning and lengthening muscles. It works as long as I restrict my daytime diet and don't snack at night. Plus, it makes me feel good to be that stretched out and even makes me a little more (ahem) limber.
That brings me to the fish. Our cafeteria has a pretty set menu...Monday - bbq rib day (more like a McRib but I've never had one), Tuesday - turkey burger, Wednesday - hamburger, Thursday - chicken patty, Friday - fried fish tenders. I brought my lunch today...something that I like and that is only 5 points on the WW scale. As I was working out I kept having an argument with myself about what to eat for lunch. I love the fish with french fries. I haven't had it in ages. But I have my perfectly good lunch that I will not feel guilty about eating. I'm sure I will eat a lot of calories this weekend (as I usually do) so I don't need them now. But the fish is so yummy and would really fill me up...the lunch I brought will leave me wanting more. You get one guess as to what I ended up doing.
I purposefully took only the money I needed for a diet soda with me to the gym. So after I fell for the fish option, I had to come back to my desk and get more money to go and get the fish. Unbelievable. I think I need a scale in my house to help me with this but I'm afraid to see what it says. I know that I have at least 5 pounds to lose. I'm sure it will really be closer to 10 once I get on a scale though. Lovely.
On the bright side...since I'm only 4DPO I can't play the "hey, I'm craving fish so I MUST be pregnant" game. If by some miracle it did happen, the little guy/gal wouldn't even be nestled in yet. So I am spared that agony of wonderment. However, I just get to wallow with the fact that my will power needs a power boost.
I used to be chunky a while back. I don't like the word "fat" so I use "chunky". I carry most of my weight between my belly button and my knees. I'm built just like my mother. I have petite arms and wrists and and ankles. Some of my weight shows up in my round face...that I get from my dad. I'm 5'2" so every little pound and inch really makes a difference. I was 145 pounds when I went on WW. It took me 6 months, but I lost 35 pounds. I kept it off really well, too, until I hooked up with BJ. Within 4 months I gained 10 of it back. I pretty much stayed there for quite a while...until a year ago when I started treatments. I basically quit exercising and gave in to temptation all over the place. I don't know exactly how much I weigh right now as I don't own a scale (thank goodness) but I know it's more than I want to. I also am a bit flabby in places that weren't so flabby before.
I started doing pilates again last week. I did them 3 times and then this week I have done them 4 times. We have a very small fitness center at work and I go at lunch. I have asked BJ to get me on his membership at the gym so we can start doing cardio 2 or 3 nights a week. I'm still waiting for that to happen. The pilates that I do is a 20 minute workout and it's meant for toning and lengthening muscles. It works as long as I restrict my daytime diet and don't snack at night. Plus, it makes me feel good to be that stretched out and even makes me a little more (ahem) limber.
That brings me to the fish. Our cafeteria has a pretty set menu...Monday - bbq rib day (more like a McRib but I've never had one), Tuesday - turkey burger, Wednesday - hamburger, Thursday - chicken patty, Friday - fried fish tenders. I brought my lunch today...something that I like and that is only 5 points on the WW scale. As I was working out I kept having an argument with myself about what to eat for lunch. I love the fish with french fries. I haven't had it in ages. But I have my perfectly good lunch that I will not feel guilty about eating. I'm sure I will eat a lot of calories this weekend (as I usually do) so I don't need them now. But the fish is so yummy and would really fill me up...the lunch I brought will leave me wanting more. You get one guess as to what I ended up doing.
I purposefully took only the money I needed for a diet soda with me to the gym. So after I fell for the fish option, I had to come back to my desk and get more money to go and get the fish. Unbelievable. I think I need a scale in my house to help me with this but I'm afraid to see what it says. I know that I have at least 5 pounds to lose. I'm sure it will really be closer to 10 once I get on a scale though. Lovely.
On the bright side...since I'm only 4DPO I can't play the "hey, I'm craving fish so I MUST be pregnant" game. If by some miracle it did happen, the little guy/gal wouldn't even be nestled in yet. So I am spared that agony of wonderment. However, I just get to wallow with the fact that my will power needs a power boost.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Traveling Eggs
I'm sitting here wondering if I have a fertilized egg making its way through my fallopian tubes to a final nesting spot in my uterus. It's something we all wonder, each month as we cycle. It's amazing to me that in July I DID have 2 fertilized eggs making their way to my ever waiting and wanting uterus. I wonder all the time what happened to them between day 3 and day(s) 6/7 when they should have been implanting. The only thing that I can come up with is that I have bad eggs. Or at least not good eggs. After all, one of my eggs let 2 sperm in that is usually a pretty good indicator that something was wrong. Never the less, the 2 good embies that I had didn't stick around for more than a couple of days after transfer.
If only my eggs had Velcro on the outside of them to help them stick. Remember when we were told (at least I was) that we needed to eat some food that would stick to your ribs? What exactly does that mean? Doesn't our food go into our stomach? What if we've been going about this the wrong way all along? What if my Grandmother knew something that I didn't about where in our bodies things stick? What exactly would let food stick to my ribs? Whatever it is, I'd like to get some for my eggs. Maybe THEN they would stick to my uterus. Provided of course that they fertilize. That might be a harder task than sticking these days.
But on the other hand, maybe she meant stick as in weight gained. That wouldn't be so preferable. I already have that one figured out. Heck, that was the easy part. All the meds and injections and just not caring because "hey I'm getting knocked up anyway so I might as well eat like I'm already pregnant" on top of the "hey, I can't do any real exercising because I'm growing eggs, getting ready for retrieval, recovering from retrieval, hosting 2 beautiful embies, depressed about my failed IVF" eating that I did. So Grandma, if you meant that my food would stick to my ribs by way of gaining weight, you weren't really on to anything profound. However, if you know something I don't about how to get things to stick, then please send me a message from Heaven and let me in on the secret. Me and my infertile friends would really appreciate it.
**********************
PS - I'm loving my new background. Purple is my favorite color and this is a perfect way (for now) to see it from day to day.
If only my eggs had Velcro on the outside of them to help them stick. Remember when we were told (at least I was) that we needed to eat some food that would stick to your ribs? What exactly does that mean? Doesn't our food go into our stomach? What if we've been going about this the wrong way all along? What if my Grandmother knew something that I didn't about where in our bodies things stick? What exactly would let food stick to my ribs? Whatever it is, I'd like to get some for my eggs. Maybe THEN they would stick to my uterus. Provided of course that they fertilize. That might be a harder task than sticking these days.
But on the other hand, maybe she meant stick as in weight gained. That wouldn't be so preferable. I already have that one figured out. Heck, that was the easy part. All the meds and injections and just not caring because "hey I'm getting knocked up anyway so I might as well eat like I'm already pregnant" on top of the "hey, I can't do any real exercising because I'm growing eggs, getting ready for retrieval, recovering from retrieval, hosting 2 beautiful embies, depressed about my failed IVF" eating that I did. So Grandma, if you meant that my food would stick to my ribs by way of gaining weight, you weren't really on to anything profound. However, if you know something I don't about how to get things to stick, then please send me a message from Heaven and let me in on the secret. Me and my infertile friends would really appreciate it.
**********************
PS - I'm loving my new background. Purple is my favorite color and this is a perfect way (for now) to see it from day to day.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Ho Hum
I'm feeling a bit ho hum today. Not sure why...maybe it's the Monday Blues. I've been a long time sufferer of the Monday Blues. Mondays have always been a bone of contention with me. I have a really hard time sleeping Sunday night because of Monday anxiety. I've been this way since I was a kid. No real reason, just hate the "going back" feeling I guess.
I didn't order my test strips and pre.seed until this morning. I picked free shipping so it might not all get here in time for this cycle, but since I'm temping I'll at least know if/when I ovulate. I wake up so many times during the night that I don't know if my temps are accurate, but it's all I have to go on since I'm not being invaded by the camera wand anymore.
BJ and I had a nice time when we went out this weekend. We went Saturday instead of Friday. His old hang out was not the same and we stayed for just one drink and a game of pool. A game at which I really suck at but enjoy playing anyway...most of the time. We then went to a restaurant/bar closer to home and had a good time because it was Karaoke night! Yay! I love listening to other people sing, even if they aren't any good. They usually pick songs that I know and sometimes even like. So I get to sit on my bar stool and sing along and feel pretty good about myself. I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf but I LOVE singing anyway. BJ actually ran into the son of the owner of his old hangout. It was a nice evening. We then proceeded to go home and partake in some buzzed up physical fun. Well, he didn't really have a buzz because he was the driver, but I was pretty lit up. :-) Why does alcohol make things so much more fun?
One bit of good news is that when I went to see my doctor for my follow-up to the famed ER visit I was weighed. Yes, I said "good" news. I am only about 1 or 2 pounds heavier than when I was weighed last which was in early April. Hot damn! I was certain I had gained almost 10 pounds with the whole IVF thing. Not so. I'm still going to try and take off a few pounds and tone up my troubled flabby areas. That in itself will take me months. I'd like to lose 8 pounds but I know that is not possible while still eating meals with BJ and the Little Guy on the weekend. I do good during the week but the weekend kills all my efforts. I hate having to think so much about what I eat and how much. But I was not born to be one of those kind of gals that just gets to eat whatever and never worry about where the pounds and flab are packing on.
I'm on CD 8 today which means, according to history, that I will most likely ovulate Friday or Saturday of this week. Hope I get my pee stick opk's by then. And of course, the Little Guy is with us this weekend so the BD'ing won't be as easy to plan or execute. I will make the best of it somehow. I want to at least feel like I have a shot this cycle. Although, the more I think about it and ponder it, the more I think I have bad eggs and who is to say that I will ovulate a good egg or even an egg at all? I hate this back and forth I play with myself over whether or not I even want to keep trying knowing that out of 5 follicles I only had 2 (supposedly) good eggs that fertilized correctly. Makes me want to ask my OB/GYN for a prescription of Clomid. At least I know that I respond well and will have a good chance at a mature egg. I'm not scheduled to see her again until February. Maybe I'll give her a call. Probably not. I'm just so ho hum about the whole thing sometimes. I go from being really excited to be really hopeless about it. I'm moving forward and that is a good thing.
I didn't order my test strips and pre.seed until this morning. I picked free shipping so it might not all get here in time for this cycle, but since I'm temping I'll at least know if/when I ovulate. I wake up so many times during the night that I don't know if my temps are accurate, but it's all I have to go on since I'm not being invaded by the camera wand anymore.
BJ and I had a nice time when we went out this weekend. We went Saturday instead of Friday. His old hang out was not the same and we stayed for just one drink and a game of pool. A game at which I really suck at but enjoy playing anyway...most of the time. We then went to a restaurant/bar closer to home and had a good time because it was Karaoke night! Yay! I love listening to other people sing, even if they aren't any good. They usually pick songs that I know and sometimes even like. So I get to sit on my bar stool and sing along and feel pretty good about myself. I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf but I LOVE singing anyway. BJ actually ran into the son of the owner of his old hangout. It was a nice evening. We then proceeded to go home and partake in some buzzed up physical fun. Well, he didn't really have a buzz because he was the driver, but I was pretty lit up. :-) Why does alcohol make things so much more fun?
One bit of good news is that when I went to see my doctor for my follow-up to the famed ER visit I was weighed. Yes, I said "good" news. I am only about 1 or 2 pounds heavier than when I was weighed last which was in early April. Hot damn! I was certain I had gained almost 10 pounds with the whole IVF thing. Not so. I'm still going to try and take off a few pounds and tone up my troubled flabby areas. That in itself will take me months. I'd like to lose 8 pounds but I know that is not possible while still eating meals with BJ and the Little Guy on the weekend. I do good during the week but the weekend kills all my efforts. I hate having to think so much about what I eat and how much. But I was not born to be one of those kind of gals that just gets to eat whatever and never worry about where the pounds and flab are packing on.
I'm on CD 8 today which means, according to history, that I will most likely ovulate Friday or Saturday of this week. Hope I get my pee stick opk's by then. And of course, the Little Guy is with us this weekend so the BD'ing won't be as easy to plan or execute. I will make the best of it somehow. I want to at least feel like I have a shot this cycle. Although, the more I think about it and ponder it, the more I think I have bad eggs and who is to say that I will ovulate a good egg or even an egg at all? I hate this back and forth I play with myself over whether or not I even want to keep trying knowing that out of 5 follicles I only had 2 (supposedly) good eggs that fertilized correctly. Makes me want to ask my OB/GYN for a prescription of Clomid. At least I know that I respond well and will have a good chance at a mature egg. I'm not scheduled to see her again until February. Maybe I'll give her a call. Probably not. I'm just so ho hum about the whole thing sometimes. I go from being really excited to be really hopeless about it. I'm moving forward and that is a good thing.
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