Friday, July 24, 2009

7 Minutes in Heaven

I've never played 7 minutes in Heaven...you know the game....when you're a tween you go into the closet and spend 7 minutes with a (gasp) BOY! Anyway, I never did that. I think I played spin the bottle once but I don't remember any great kisses coming from it so it must not have been that good of a game. Anyway....I was at the clinic for a full 7 minutes today. I was a little early for my appointment, signed in and sat down. The tech that usually does my follie checks walked by and gave me a big smile. I had to force a smile on my face. I was looking around at 3 couples and a woman by herself trying to figure out why each of them were in the clinic. One couple was called back right away...they were either having a swimmer analysis or an IUI because they had their little brown paper bag with them and they both went into the little room where you drop off such samples. As they were leaving, I said a little "good luck to you" in my head. I was called back. As the girl was sticking the needle in she said "well, good luck" and I moaned and said "no, I already tested. This is just a formality." She didn't say anything else to me. I didn't mean to be such a downer but the last place I wanted to be was in that chair today.

It should have been 7 minutes in Heaven. I should have seen 2 lines on Tuesday and been eagerly awaiting a great HCG number this afternoon. Instead, as I sat in traffic for an hour and 35 minutes to go 40 miles, I couldn't get my mind off of the fact that I know what the call is going to be this afternoon but I still don't want to hear the words. I thought of just not answering so that she could leave me a message, but then I'd have to actually LISTEN to the message to stop my phone from telling me I have a message waiting. Not a good idea either because I would probably torture myself and listen to it over and over again. I'll answer and she'll apologize and tell me to stop my meds (which I've already done) and call her on day 3. I won't be making that call but she doesn't need to know that. She might even want to schedule my WTF appointment with Dr. M. I'm not even sure I want to have one. I know WTF happened...I DIDN'T get pregnant. There's no need to try and figure out why since we won't be doing IVF again. Why put myself through that?

I took my last dose of the Endometrin yesterday morning trying to manipulate when my period starts. I'm hoping it will start Sunday or Monday. I've heard that post-IVF periods are terrible...from the heaviness to the cramping. We have 2 cook-outs to attend on Saturday so I didn't want to be running to the bathroom every 20 minutes. But hey, there is a bright side to all of this. I get to drink at the parties. I.can't.wait. And I hope you got my sarcasm. I'm sure you did because you are a very bright bunch.

4 comments:

Eileen said...

I'm so sorry that things didn't work out for you :-(. *BIG HUGS*

Pie said...

I'm just so sorry your going through this. It sucks.

(((BIG GIANT BEAR HUGS)))

gracieinbrooklyn said...

I'm so, so sorry - I echo Pie - it sucks. Really sucks.

TeeJay said...

Thanks Eileen, Pie and Gracie. I am taking your hugs and holding onto them all day!