Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Today is CD8. I will start my opk'ing today...in about an hour or so. I don't think I'll see a positive since it's only CD8, but I figure that it can't hurt to get an early start seeing as how I have ovulated on CD10 before. I hope not to ovulate that early this time, but there's nothing I can do about it so I'll just start peeing in the cup and dipping my stick a little early this cycle.

About a month ago, BJ and I went to his niece's birthday party. She turned 3. I love her dearly and she is just as sweet as can be. BJ's sister's husband has a pretty large family. His nieces and nephews are all grown and starting to have families of their own. They were all there at the party. His nephew's wife is pregnant...about 8 months along. This will be their 3rd child in 3 years. Somewhere down the line, I lost count of how many they had. It was funny because there was this 1 year old little boy running around and I had no idea who he belonged to. When it was explained to me, I felt defeated. I kid you not, there were 5 toddlers at this party, all around the same age, all 3 and under. Everyone was so happy to play with them and hold them and make them laugh...it made me so sad. BJ and I should have a baby to add to the mix, but we don't. This was the first time in a long time that I felt like I needed to leave the room. It was so overwhelmingly claustrophobic in their basement that I thought I would have to go hide in the bathroom for a while. I didn't, of course. I just stuck close to BJ and the older kids and did my best to ignore everyone else, for my own sanity. Well, my SIL took notice. She asked me if I was ok and I told her yes, I'm fine. It's not like I can just spill my guts right there in front of everyone. Who needs the drama, the tears, the pity, the embarrassment?? Not me. Well, she sent me an e-mail last week asking again about my mood at the party. So I let it all out...how my heart aches and breaks because I can't and probably won't have a child of my own and how I was just surrounded by happy babies and parents and a very pregnant woman. I told her that I was usually better at hiding my feelings and I guess I need to make sure that I do hide my feelings because I don't want to offend anyone. She never responded to that e-mail. I'm not sure she read it as she has been having a lot of Internet issues lately and when we were over there this passed Sunday, she didn't mention anything. I guess it's better that way but it would be nice for her to say something in response to my outpouring of emotions. Oh well....water under the bridge I guess.

I took a break while typing as I had a staff meeting to attend and took the opportunity to POAS of the opk kind. It was negative but I will test again later this afternoon. My LH surge does strange things. BJ and I did the deed last night so it would be great to get a positive either tomorrow afternoon or Thursday, if I must be early. If not early, then it would be great to get that positive Saturday! We have the Little Guy this weekend, but Saturday sex is almost a given in our house. :-)


Krystal said...

I wish you luck catching the O this round!!

It's a shame your SIL chose to not address your E-mail. I'm assuming she has children of her own? I really wish people chose to be more sympathetic, even muster an "I'm sorry" or "if you need to talk I'll be there" once in a while. Not treating infertility like it's something to hide, because it isn't. Hopefully she understands where you're coming from, though.

Alex said...

Definitely catch that O this month! Keep POAS - you can do this!

So weird about your SIL. Given that she brought your mood up later, I have to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that either she didn't read it, or she really doesn't know what to say. I think next time you see her you should ask her if she got your email. Be real nice about it, and if she got it, just ask her simply why she didn't respond. I don't think it's inappropriate to follow up with her, and thank her for asking how you felt, and ask if she has any questions about what you said. Try to open up the conversation a bit.

And you can always talk to us - I know, not the same thing, but it helps!