Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Help!

I'm going nuts here. I'm getting giddy'er and giddy'er (and I know that's not even a word) every time I go to the bathroom and see NOTHING on the tp.

I have an angel on my right shoulder telling me to stay calm and not get my hopes up. She is also telling me that it's only CD29 and that I have had cycles in the not so distant past that were 30 or 31 days. She told me that even though my temp was high this morning that it was probably caused by the fact that I woke up very early and then had a hard time going back to sleep. She is trying to protect me.

On my left shoulder is the troll. He's telling me to look at my chart and get my hopes way up. He's telling me that I'm not as bloated as usual. My boobs are still hurting. He's reminding me that there could be a chance. He's telling me to go out at lunch and buy a test for tomorrow morning. He wants to crush me and watch me suffer.

He's just mean. And I know that I should be listening to the Angel. She's right...right? But that damn troll keeps piping up and over riding her. Because I know as soon as I spend the money on the test AF will show up. Or as soon as I open the test and sit to pee, she'll be there in my underwear...mocking me. Or better yet, she'll wait until I wipe after I pee on the stupid stick.

Ugh!!!!

Deep breaths...deep breaths. What will be will be. That's so corny, but it's the truth. No matter what I do, I will have an answer very soon. And I think I'd rather wait for a dropped temp or some spotting than torture myself with POAS. So I will save my money and just wait. I will test Friday if I still have high temps and no spotting. That should give everything enough time to happen.

Can someone please swat the troll off my shoulder? I need to let the protective Angel have the final say. And I need to calm down. I literally don't know what to do with myself. I don't know why I'm getting all worked up over this. I'm only on CD29. It's not like I'm on day 35 of a cycle.

HELP!!!!

10 comments:

Jem said...

Do whatever you need to calm your nerves. Like you said, "whatever will be will be" and you worrying or POAS won't change that outcome.

Take a deep breath and do what's best for you. Only you can know what that is.

Mel. said...

I'll hold your hand on the left side to keep that troll under control and to give you whatever support you need!!

Jin said...

::swats troll::

GL!

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

I'm with u that I'd rather see spotting than a BFN. I'd listen to the angel until CD32 and then succumb to the troll. I'm rooting for you with all my might!

Adventures in Baby Waiting said...

I am sending you some troll swats! I think Friday is PERFECT. Give yourself a specific day to test. It's so hard to relax when your hopes are up huh? Friday seems like so long away but it will be here soon. I have great hopes for you Teejay! Hang on to that Angel!

Pie said...

Be strong!! Focus on the Angel, she's there to help you.

Meanwhile, I'll kick the troll in the shin.

Fran said...

I agree with Jem, you have to do whatever you have to do to keep calm. All these signs are definitely positive and it's difficult not to listen to the troll! You have made your decision that you'll test on friday, see if the troll can keep away a temp drop or spotting! Then it'll be your best friend! Tell him this! Love, Fran

callmemama said...

You know what I did the last couple days when testing? I pee'd in a cup, then wiped. That way I didn't have to waste a test if spotting showed up as it likes to right after you'd pee'd on the damn stick. Haha. Of course, the spotting just ended up showing up later that day, but at least I outsmarted it that morning :).
I swear, I never would have tested early if I had had a clear positive on which day I had ovulated :(. It's so hard once you've pee'd on that first stick...
If you can hold out, hold out. Your sanity will thank you!

Niki said...

Your so strong for not testing yet. I've got my fingers crossed for you.

A said...

I have been praying that you'd feel peaceful about what will transpire in the next few days. Update us whenever you can!!