Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Nature or Nurture?

It’s the age old question...does nature determine who we are or are we nurtured into a certain mold?

I don’t know why there has to be debate about it. The answer is’s both. I am a perfect example of both nature and nurture playing a role in who I am as a person.

I was raised by my dad and step-mom. I rarely saw my mother as I was growing up. My dad had me play sports to help “keep me out of trouble”. I learned to love baseball and volleyball from an early age. My dad was a pitcher and so he thought I would make a good pitcher, too. As it turns out, I was a pretty decent pitcher. I preferred to wear jeans and t-shirts for the most part growing up. I liked to wear baseball hats and hang out with the guys. I didn’t meld well with other girls. There were times that I wore a dress here and there but if I wanted to dress it up a little I’d wear a skirt with tennis shoes.  When I became a ‘tween and a teenager I of course began doing my hair and wearing make-up. However, I was still a major tomboy. My step-mother was not happy about all of this. She really wanted me to wear dresses and be more girly and help more in the kitchen and with cleaning and stuff like that. I was very resistant to all of those things. I wanted to play video games or watch Monday Night Football.

Now that I’m an adult I see all the ways I’m like my dad. It’s true that we turn into our parents. I’m much more patient with the LG than my dad was with us kids. But for the most part, I am my father’s daughter. We are both stubborn and unrelenting. We don’t know how to give up. We are reserved and in control. We have a very strong work ethic. We believe that honesty is the best policy and we think that being lied to is one of the worst offenses one can commit against us.

On the flip side of that, there are so many ways that I am like my mother. She was more of a tomboy growing up than I was. I have low self-esteem, which is just like her. I have a jealous bone the size of Texas, also just like her. I have a way of holding in my anger and being passive aggressive instead of creating a true conflict that will clear the air. I like to walk with very heavy feet when I’m aggravated (also seen as stomping to most people). I tend to shut down emotionally in tragic situations and just sort of float through them. Once by myself, I let those emotions all out and cry until I can’t cry anymore. I love football and that is a love that my mom and I share. We both love Disney movies and can watch them over and over. We both love the music of the 60’s. We both love to dance and cut loose on the dance floor and act silly around our friends.

My siblings were raised by my mother and let me tell you....we are extremely different. We don’t really have much in common when it comes to core values and ethics. I disagree with a lot of what goes on in their lives but I know that it’s because they were raised very differently from me. It’s hard for me to connect to them now that we are grown because we are so different even though we have the same mother. The things that I seem to have in common with my mother are not really shared between my siblings and me. It’s strange, really.

What I’m getting at is that I know that my child (please, oh please let this work) will have parts of his/her personality that are genetically linked to the donor but I also know that I will have a really big influence on who the child becomes just by raising him/her. I’ve seen how the home environment can shape who a person becomes. This is evidenced by my siblings and me. I’ve seen how genetics can play a role as evidenced by all the ways I’m like my mother. This baby (please, oh please let there be a baby!) will no doubt have traits from the donor but I’m fine with that. I’m fine with that because this will be my child and hopefully I can teach him/her how to love football and hockey and baseball and how lying is bad and honesty and trust are good. I’m going to teach him/her right from wrong and how to be kind to people and how to help people in need and always think of others before him/herself. I’m going to tell him/her how important a good work ethic is to really make him/herself stand out in a crowd and how working hard for what you want is so rewarding.

I really believe that BJ and I will produce a wonderful human, even if the egg is not my own. He produced a really good kid with his ex, right? I’m so ready for this...

Two side notes...I’m going crazy waiting for my coordinator to call me and tell me where the other ladies are in their cycles. She said she’d get back to me by the end of the week but how long does it take to make 3 phone calls? I know, I know...I’m not her only patient. Other side note...BJ was watching a commercial on TV last night and I’m not sure what it was a commercial for but it showed those little decals on the back of vehicles that depict the family within the know the ones...the ones we IF’s would like to scrape off because we feel like they are bragging about their abundance of fertility. Anyway, BJ said that he was going to get one if we have a baby. I told him that it had to include the cats and he said that he’d make sure to have 2 cats, the baby, the LG and us. I know how much I hate those decals but I must admit that the thought of being able to have one is quite appealing. Maybe if I put a little asterisk by the baby that says something like *I suffered for over 10 years to be able to put this on my car...please don’t hate me! What do you think? It’s still bragging, isn’t it?


Rebecca said...

Can you fit all that next to the *? J already has enough of his Army stickers and support trooper decals that I wouldn't have room for a family one. I think they are rather cute.

April said...

I fully believe that your sweet baby will be and learn all that it needs to from you guys and not from genes. Having our little man for almost 2 years has shown me that. Believing that you too will get to experience that! Come on phone RING! :)

someday-soon said...

It's impossible to know how much is nature vs nurture. There is a nice mixture but I really think/hope parenting can help bring out the best in any person =) And lots of things you find totally offensive now you'll find yourself doing's how life works I think *LOL* I now think those stickers are adorable!

kasey said...

You're completely right, it's part both, and I am always surprised by how some people will argue that it's completely one or the other.

When those stickers have the pets included, I can never feel bad about them :)