Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Moving in the Right Direction

Our appointment went great yesterday! Dr. M was really impressed with my knowledge on how a DE cycle works. What did he think....that I was coming in blind on the whole process? Sheesh.  He also thinks it’s a GREAT idea to do the shared risk program. Hell yeah! He asked me where I am in my cycle and I proudly declared that I’m on day 3. He said that I should schedule my mock ET next week and he gave me a pack of bcp and samples of pre-natal vitamins. He told me that we have to start with the psychologist and sit down with her for an hour or so and then the donor coordinator would be in touch. I was worried that we’d have to wait to make that appointment and that BJ would have to miss work again but I was right on the phone with her as soon as we left Dr. M’s office. She saw us yesterday at 11:00. Now I’m waiting for the donor coordinator to call me to really get started. He doesn’t see any reason why this won’t work for us. I just need the mock to go well. It should, as it always has, but things inside the body can change. My mock is next Thursday. Yay!

I was hoping to meet with coordinator yesterday but that’s not how it worked out so I have to wait for them to call me. Needless to say my cell phone will not be leaving my side over the next couple of days.

The counselor appointment was interesting. Her business card says she is a social worker. Several diplomas on her wall show that she specializes in infertility. She is also a sufferer of infertility...she went through treatments for 10 years. She has biological children and an adopted daughter. I didn’t ask a lot of questions but it was nice to know that she’s been there/here. We covered the grieving process a little bit. We covered how there is no “perfect” match. We talked a bit about what to tell the child and other people in our lives. We touched on some books that will help with that when/if the time comes. She made it clear that it is our choice of how much information we share. She pointed out that the donor is just that, a donor and nothing more. The word she suggested for a young child to understand is “helper”. I liked that one. Then came the tough questions. What would we feel comfortable doing should the baby have a severe defect? We agreed that it depended upon what the defect was. She brought up Down’s and how there is no way to know how severe it is until after birth. I told her that I wasn’t sure I could terminate my child. I had a severely handicapped brother that I can’t imagine my life without. I would like to think that I could handle anything. BJ was pretty quiet at that point. I think he feels differently than I do on that subject. We agreed, however, that quality of the life of the child would be our main concern. I told him that I wondered what he would have done had the LG’s heart defect been discovered in utero. There was no answer. Sometimes you have to take a chance. The LG is fine, and wonderful and healthy. He had a rough start and it was stressful but you can’t just terminate on the “what ifs”. The next subject she brought up was not as tricky. She said (as did Dr. M) that they will transfer one 5 day blast in everyone’s best interest. I agreed. She then asked me what I thought if, down the road, say on my 4th or 5th transfer they suggested doing 2? I said it’s not ideal, but I would take them both and we would have to figure out how to handle 2 babies. Then she asked what would happen if one of them split? She said, “What if you were carrying triplets? Doing so puts you and the babies at risk...Dr. M would not be happy about this and he would want to reduce.” BJ spoke up and said that he would reduce by one to save me and to give our children the best possible chance. I agreed with him. I told her it would kill me to do that but it would be in the best interest of everyone involved. Covering these last two topics almost brought me to tears on more than one occasion. I know it’s her job but it made me feel like there was a right and wrong answer and that whatever I said would determine what report she gave to Dr. M. I know that is not the case (at least I hope) but it was something I thought about. She was very nice and very funny and we were at ease in her office. I’m glad we got that out of the way. Oh, and when I called her to make the appointment, she told me that her fee is $250 and she does not take credit cards. That was a shocker. She cashed our check as soon as we left apparently, too, because it has already cleared our bank.

We are on our way. I won’t fully breathe a sigh of relief until I get the all clear after my mock next week. However, I’m already on cloud 9. I can’t help it. It felt like the biggest hurdle was Dr. M and we sailed through that meeting with flyer colors. Now for more waiting. That’s the name of the game, right?


newbie said...

Congrats on a great appointment - you are on your way!

Rebecca said...

I really hope that soon you'll be getting the donor eggs and your dream of a baby realized.

someday-soon said...

WOW! It doesn't sound like the appointment could have gone any better =) I'm so happy for you!!! I think the councelors main purpose is just to see that you've thought about the tough issues and don't disolve into a puddle when faced with them =) Sounds like you and BJ did fantastic! Can't wait for you to get the all clear with the mock transfer next week. It's all moving quick now =)

Pie said...

Great news, TeeJay!! Sounds like everything went so well, I'm so happy they are able t get you moving along to quickly too. Hooray!!

Fran said...

This is AMAZING progress!! You'll be on your way sooner that you know it, I'm so thrilled for you my friend! Love, Fran