Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Mother's Day Rant

It's almost May already. The year is almost half over. Unbelievable. May brings 2 days that are very special to me...my birthday and our anniversary. The other day in May that brings happiness to millions of people is Mother's Day.

When I was a kid, I loved Mother's day because I would think of something really nice and sweet to do for my step-mom. I would make her a nice card or craft and she would love it, not matter what it looked like. That's how moms are.

When my TTC journey began I dreamt of being a mother and getting sweet things from my child on Mother's day. When teenagers with unexpected pregnancies started to become mothers before me, I began to feel a bit bitter. When women that were married after me and tried for less than 3-6 months to get knocked up became mothers, I began to be even more bitter. And now that I have failed at TTC for all these years with 2 IUI's and an IVF under my belt I am downright disgusted with just about anything to do with Mother's day.

Along with the fact that I can't conceive and become a mother, my relationship with my own mother is strained to say the least, and that makes me cringe at anything related to Mother's day. I am still happy about being able to do something nice for my step-mom, but thankfully (and this might not sound right but I think other IF girls will understand what I mean) she lives far away so I can just send her something nice and give her a call. I don't have to do anything on Mother's day that will compound the fact that not only should I be a mother but she should be a grandmother.

It's bad enough that I know Mother's day is just around the corner, but do I need to be beat over the head with all the propaganda surrounding it? I mean seriously...do I need to see Mother's day advertisements on FB, the TV, almost every sidebar of every web page I open? And the FB postings have already begun...you know the ones that say things like "if your mother is your hero blah, blah, blah, post this as your status update blah, blah, blah." I love my mother. I cherish my mother. We do not, under any circumstances, have a healthy, normal (whatever that is) relationship to where I feel the need to honor her with the title of "hero".

Mother's day is a double edged sword to me. I'm not a mother and probably never will be. I feel like I don't have a mother, either. And then I have a great step-mother that lives so far away we don't really have a close relationship like a mother and daughter should. Can I please just sleep through that day?

For all of my bloggy buddies that are expecting, I am so happy that you are now mothers and that next year on that day you will be holding your children in your arms. I envy the love you will feel and the love you will get from those wonderful little human beings. I can only imagine how your heart will swell and soar with happiness when you wake up next May and get to fully celebrate Mother's day for the first time. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

My remedy for Mother's day this year is to plan a trip with BJ. We have been saying for a few months now that we need to get away for a couple of days and we keep putting it off. And what better day to hit the road and concentrate on my husband, relaxing and taking in some sights? I'm hoping to make a reservation for Ocean City by the end of the week this week. The last thing I want is to be at home on Mother's day thinking about my empty womb and my empty bedroom #4.


Alex said...

I hate Mother's Day. That was the day, many years ago, that I decided that I wanted to become a mother. I still remember that day now, even if it's with a different husband, a different life, as the day that this quest began. And it's been failure in that department since.

I think your trip with BJ sounds like a great plan. Get away - have fun - enjoy yourself!!!

A said...

The reason it makes me cringe is that it's so presumptious. Just like you say, not all people have fuzzy and warm relationships with their mom. Some people did have that, but now their mother has passed away. Not all beautiful young married women are mothers, or expecting, to warrant their Ken-doll husband to surprise them with a $800 necklace (who does that anyway?). Of course it is good to remember our mothers, but all the media, advertising, and hype assume too much, and that's what hurts.

Mel. said...

I'm so with you on this. I think some time away sounds great for Mother's Day! I've been trying to convince DH to do the same.... Hope you have a relaxing time!!

Fran said...

I think you have a great plan to survive the day. Thankfully in Ireland Mother's day was some time last month I think and in Italy is in May. I easily escaped the first one and probably we'll be the same the next one. I have to say, I never celebrated mother's day. Nor father's day. In my family we looked at those forced occasions like something to spend money on rather than truly celebrate something. Mothers are there everyday and so are children. But there's no children day is there? I'm happy in my obliviousness to the all shebang!

someday-soon said...

I hope you have a wonderful trip with your DH! I say forget all about the holiday darn it =)

Jenni said...

Sounds liek a good way to deal with Mother's Day. I was hti with it when I went to the bookstore yesterday. I feel bad that my first thought was: "oh great - Mother's Day." And I love and have a good relationship with my mom, it's just not on my list of favorite days right now.

Willow said...

I love the idea of just taking a trip instead! My worst Mother's Day by far was the year before last--my husband was away on business, we had been TTC for two years and were just a few months past our miscarriage, my mom was halfway across the country (I haven't lived near her since I left for college), and I just didn't know what to do with myself or how to get through such a painful day. I ended up making plans to go see some random comedy with a friend, and it did cheer me up to be doing something fun but non-Mother's Day related. Last Mother's Day was weird too--we were matched with our son's birthmother, but obviously didn't know what would happen with the adoption. I decided that I wanted DH to take me out for teatime anyway, and I pretended I was a mom since theoretically I would be very soon. But it was so strange and really hard. And then that night, our son was born! I am really looking forward to our first Mother's Day with him, but I will never forget how much I suffered on that day while we were waiting for him. I'm sorry, I feel your pain, and I hope you have a wonderful getaway!