Tuesday, September 15, 2009

CD23 - Gearing up for the Next Round

I'm going with the graphic stuff first. I don't know what is going on with my CM. I never had anything to write home about this cycle (pre-ovulation) as far as CM goes. It got a little creamy but never watery. And since the big ovulation day (FF says CD13 but I really think it was CD12) I have had quite a few days of sticky CM. I guess I can't really read anything into that. The female body is full of all kinds of conundrums. My temps were 98.3 for 5 days in a row, went down to 98.1 on CD21 (9dpo by me, 8dpo by FF) and then jumped up to 98.4 and then this morning I was back at 98.3.

I was actually dumb enough to get a little excited about the dip and then the rise until I started paying attention to my other signs. I'm getting snippy, I'm getting tired, I'm getting sentimental. And last night my joints in my knees and my hip started aching. All of these are signs that the period will be making an appearance very soon. She's not due to show her ugly face until Saturday, and the time line of these symptoms is right on schedule. I imagine that my thermometer will be thrown across the room by Thursday morning as I'm sure it will be displaying a temperature drop that I so do NOT want to see. But I feel armed and ready for next cycle. I have my little pee cups to dip my new opk strips in and we have our swimmer friendly lube in the night stand. Bring on next cycle....I'm not scurd.

(Loss mentioned in story below)

Today is the anniversary of my little brother's birth. My Dad and step-mom's first son. He was born 3 months early on this day 26 years ago. My how I wish medicine were as advanced back then because he would probably still be with us today. I was 7 years old. My Dad and I were at the hospital. I remember his friend, Tommy was there with his wife, Carol. My Dad asked them to take me home with them. We arrived at their trailer and almost immediately the phone rang. I didn't hear what was said but I knew it wasn't good. I didn't understand exactly what was happening but I remember my Dad and Step-mom picking me up a short time later. I was in the front seat, in the middle of them. Mind you, this was 1983 so there were not child safety seat laws or seat belt laws for that matter. My Step-mom was crying. My dad was looking straight ahead as he drove. He said to me, his voice cracking "I'm sorry you only got to see him in a picture, Princess". I think I said that it was ok but I'm not sure. I had never seen my Dad sad before. To a 7-year old it kind of sticks with you.

I only recently found out that it took them 3 years to conceive little Christopher. I can't even imagine their pain at losing him when he was 2 days old. Life is so unfair sometimes. It must have been so hard to hold him knowing that he wasn't ready to be out in the world yet and just wishing they could put him back for a little while. My poor parents. They were strong, though. They pushed through their grief by jumping back in the pool, so to speak. She was pregnant again by February. My shining star brother, Brian, was born in October...he was about a month early. I will tell his story another day.

I miss you little Christopher. Even though I never knew you, you will always be my brother.

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