Monday, September 21, 2009

CD1 - Back at the Start Line

I don't have much time but I wanted to post a quick update....

As you can see by the title of today's post, my stupid, mean, heartless, cruel period has arrived.

I had no spotting.
My moods were fine (no snipping or crying).
I had at least 3 nights where I was feeling nauseous.
My temps were staying above the cover line....until this morning of course.
I didn't get a headache until yesterday afternoon....which of course I talked myself into believing it was because of all the yelling I was doing at the TV watching football.
I was supposed to "start" Saturday so it was late...I'm never late, well until last month. I hope this isn't a new trend.

All these things put me right back where I hate being...on the Hope Train. I don't know why I ride it every month. I should know better. But yet, I can't help it. I start to wonder when I should buy a hpt? How will I tell BJ? How will we tell the Little Guy? All these things I dream about and then BAM! Down goes the temp and here comes the period. It's all so f'ing frustrating. When is it my turn? When do I get to spread good news? When do I get to register for baby stuff? When do I get to paint a nursery? When do I get to be the pregnant lady waddling down the sidewalk in the city? There is no answer. There is no timeline. There are no promises of a BFP...ever. But yet I keep trying. I guess the answer I should be seeking is why do I keep putting myself through this? There doesn't seem to be a finish line, just a vicious circle in which I keep running...chasing those 2 lines. Good thing I bought new shoes on Friday.


Anonymous said...

Boy, that vicious circle is the truth, isn't it? Amazing how we all find the strength to keep going month after month. And the progesterone crash doesn't help you feel better either...
I'm hoping it's your turn soon.

NoodleGirl said...

Oh TeeJay, that stinks. I had so much hope for you this cycle, and I know you did too. I hate those cycles where AF teases you, it's just added cruelty. IF ladies are so incredibly strong -- can you imagine other people dealing with these kinds of ups and downs over and over again and powering through?

I really, really believe this will work for you. Don't give up because you never know which cycle will be the miracle one.

And I hope those shoes you bought were cute ones!

Pie said...

Damn, I'm sorry, it sucks. I don't have answers as to why we have to go through this, and when it will be our time. I wish I knew. But I do know that you are not alone, and I hope there is some comfort in that. ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

Hope's a hard thing to keep coming around, but we are right there with you on the train. I'm so glad that there are support networks - and empathy out there to be had when you need it. And it sounds like you need it now.

I'm so sorry and remain hopeful (for you, even if you aren't right now) that success will come your way.

TeeJay said...

Thank you ladies. You are right, we are super strong and super supportive and I'm supper happy to have you all here with me. It does make the ride a bit less rough. Thank you!