Friday, August 21, 2009

The Infertility Song

Do you know what's worth fighting for,
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins.

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins.

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire?
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins.

This is Green Day's song called "21 Guns". When I heard this song and listened to more than just the chorus I started crying. This song is 99% about IF...I just KNOW it. I know it's not really about IF and IVF failures, but it hit the nail on the head. Every time I hear it I get goose bumps. It brings all my feelings forward about my failed IVF. I feel like I'm in ruins and I can't get another try and a part of my heart has died. I can relate to almost every single lyric in this song. THAT doesn't happen too often in today's Pop Culture music. Thanks to Green Day for reaching out to me in this way.

Any trace of spotting that I had has disappeared completely. However, I know the period is on the way because I'm getting very agitated very quickly. At this point, I just want it to show up so I can get on with temping and charting and obsessing about BD'ing and all that GOOD stuff. :-)

If you get a chance, please stop on over to Conceive This! and drop a few lines of encouragement as she is undergoing her FET today!


Eileen said...

I hope you are wrong and AF stays far, far away for the next 9 months. I LOVE that song by the way. I turn the radio up every time it comes on. Good luck girl. I pray that your sticky baby is just around the corner!

Pie said...

I'm gonna have to go to i-tunes to check it out.

I hope AF gets her butt moving and gets to your house soon. Why is she so directionally and time-challenged? Maybe we should buy her a GPS and a watch. :)

TeeJay said...

Eileen - Wouldn't that be something if this was our month...after everything? I'd be shocked to say the least. I hope you are right and I get the surprise of a lifetime!

Pie - I'm with you...she never shows when we want her to and when we are desperate for her to stay away she shows up on time or early...she really is the Uber-b*&$h! :-)