I am seriously having a hard time with these bcp. It’s not like they are high dose or anything but man, oh man. I have to try really hard not to completely lose my cool most of the day. I have found myself responding to e-mails out loud at work...and not in a nice way. Thankfully no one has heard me yet. I’m calling people very nasty names under my breath. If I’m holding something when I start to get agitated I have to tell myself not to throw it. I want to throw it at the wall or at the face of the person ticking me off.
It’s all these little things that are just getting to me. I have to stop myself from speaking at home sometimes because I know that what I want to say is completely out of line and not warranted. I’ve been clenching my teeth to keep from spewing venom at my husband and the Little Guy. Granted, they annoy me at times but lately almost everything they do makes me crazy.
I seem to always have a chip on my shoulder. My eyes have been rolling so much lately that I’m surprised they haven’t gotten stuck that way. When I’m at the store (any store) I want to push people out of my way that aren’t walking fast enough. And don’t even get me started on the people that seem to always be standing in front of the product I want to get off the shelf. Ugh.
I don’t like feeling this way. I told BJ that these pills are making me a rage filled monster. He didn’t take me very seriously. I told him that I feel like punching someone in the face at least 3 times a day. He didn’t seem alarmed. I can’t even explain this behavior to him well enough for him to understand. I think he’d be really hurt/angry if he knew how much I sometimes just wanted to tell him to stop talking because I couldn’t stand the sound of his voice anymore. *sigh* I don’t mean it but I can’t help but feel it sometimes.
I hope things get rolling soon and I can come off of these evil pills. I know I’ll be starting Lupron soon but in the past (knock on wood) I haven’t really had too many problems with that drug. I pray that is the case this time, too. I also hope that when (please, oh PLEASE) I get pregnant that my hormones level out and the anger goes away. I’ll take being weepy any day of the week over wanting to punch people in the face all the time.