Friday, March 9, 2012

My 2 Cents

As many people know, there has been quite a stir this week in blogland relating to a new blogroll that was started. I haven’t said anything about it yet because I was unsure of my feelings but I’ve been reading post after post and comment after comment and just want to throw my own words into the mix.  And as always, I do not intend to offend anyone but this post might do that so I apologize in adavance.  And if you read my post from yesterday you'll understand why I'm feeling a little extra snarky.

When I first heard about the new group I had mixed feelings. I can see both sides:

I understand how some women feel that they cannot fully express all the ups and downs of pregnancy/parenting on their IF blogs. I can’t tell you how many times a blogger receives nasty comments or e-mails from bitter IF’s because they dared say that something about pregnancy or parenting is hard. Yes, we fight to get pregnant and we want that experience but that doesn’t mean it’s easy and fun all the time. Who really enjoys throwing up so much they have to take medicine or be hospitalized? Who can’t wait for the next painful bowel movement to aggravate their hemorrhoids? Who is excited about excessive hip and back pain that makes it difficult if not impossible to sleep or even walk without pain? And whoever thinks that parenting a newborn is all sunshine and roses is completely delusional, in my opinion. Yes, babies are great and I would give just about anything to have a newborn in my house right now. However, I’ve cared for newborns and it’s one of the most exhausting experiences I’ve ever had. When a couple becomes a family of 3 things change. People are tired and worn out and a lot of times this leads to marriage strains. Some people have “difficult” babies that cry a lot and don’t ever sleep and you know what? It’s ok to write about that without feeling like people are going to crucify you with phrases like “you asked for this” and “how dare you complain for one second about a crying baby or being tired?” The thing is, these bloggers get comments like that and it’s not fair. Just because they have fought tooth and nail to get that baby does not mean that they are not allowed to express themselves in a truthful and forthright manner on THEIR OWN BLOGS. I hope that if I am lucky enough to get pregnant that I am able to complain about feeling sick or any other pregnancy ailment that I might get on my blog that is my space. And it’s not so much complaining as it is stating the facts. Telling readers the truth about what is happening to their bodies during this time is a good thing. Anyone that thinks we are not allowed to be truthful on our blogs needs to reconsider why they read blogs in the first place. This new group of bloggers will not leave nasty comments if someone complains about lack of sleep. They will continue to support each other and give advice and all the good stuff that the ALI community is so wonderful at. They will understand each other more and bloggers will probably feel a bit more comfortable talking about the struggles of pregnancy and parenting and it will be OK to do so.

The other side of my feelings come from the IF me. The one that has been excluded from so many things over the last 11 years because I haven’t been able to have a baby. I’m not part of the mommy club. The creation of the new blogroll doesn’t explicitly say that I can’t join but the group is for IF’s that have graduated and are pregnant or are parenting. That in and of itself makes me jealous. But those are my own feelings. I know that this project was not created to make anyone feel badly about themselves or their own personal situation so I’m fine with it existing. The creation of this group comes from a good place. I know that there is already a blogroll that includes these types of blogs and I think everyone can agree that it is run very well. It’s probably one of the best displays of organization I’ve seen on the internet. However, I think this new blogroll is a little newer and fresher and has a little more spunk and that is probably pretty attractive to a lot of bloggers. It’s not attractive to those of us that are still struggling and suffering. It’s another example of a place that I just don’t belong. However, I’m adult enough to understand that just because my friends are doing it doesn’t mean that I get to do it. My parents raised me with that mentality. There ARE things in life that I can’t do, groups I can’t join, songs I can’t sing, sports I can’t play...that doesn’t mean that these things are bad or that they shouldn’t exist. It is hard to hear all the excitement surrounding it knowing that I can’t be a part of it, but that’s life. As MANY of us know, live is not fair and a lot of the times it just plain sucks. So I put on my big girl panties and I accept it. I say good for them...maybe one day I’ll be one of them and I’ll be able to join the club and talk about pregnancy and parenting after infertility. Until then...let them eat cake.


EC said...

I tried to comment on your post yesterday, but blogger wasn't having any of it. Maybe I'll have better luck today!

I don't have super strong feelings about PAIL, but I do feel bad seeing so many people get hurt. I think it's interesting that - as far as I can tell, anyway - most of the people who are still dealing with infertility and are not parents yet don't feel very strongly about it one way or the other. I wonder if it's because we're just used to being excluded? I don't mean that in an anti-PAIL kind of way, but I guess it's just reality for a lot of us.

Rebecca said...

Luckily I haven't had that many nasty comments on my blog, well until the last IVF, then it got bad. I think that no matter where we choose to list our blog those that followed us before will still if venom is in their hearts leave us nasty tidbits in their comments. We can just choose to ignore them and or delete them. However its the anonymous blogger that seems to leave the nasty comments from what I've seen.

Fran said...

I had no idea there was a new list of bloggers. It may be why I get about one fifth of the comments I used to get? Am I in the wrong list?

Anyway, jokes apart, I have disabled anonymous comments and removed the word verification which, frankly, in its latest version is driving me insane, and I never got a bad comment. Ever, in 3 years of blogging. Yes I also don't tent to be the complaining kind at all, so maybe that's another difference.

I think there are people that complains no matter what, others that just get on with things. Maybe it has to do with the tolerance level everyone has. if I read a post that bothers me, I just won't comment and move on.
I'll check out this new community.