Friday, October 15, 2010

Mundane

Things have been pretty mundane in the TeeJay house lately. Things have been pretty mundane on the TTC front, too. AND, work has been nothing if not mundane. And that's pretty much how my moods are going. Nothing swinging me way up and nothing bringing me way down. I view that as a good thing. However, we are midway through October and that means that there are 3 big things coming my way that will probably wipe out my mundane-ness and put me in down and out mode.

1 - Halloween - I love Halloween now that I have the Little Guy in my life. We have had him to ourselves the passed 2 years (the day has fallen on one of our days to have him anyway) and dressing him up and taking him out with his cousins has been a blast. I love all the pictures I get to take and I love feeling like a normal family. But then there's the other side of things. I should be dressing up 2 kids (at least) to take trick or treating. And this year, I should have an almost 7 month old...but our IVF failed. When I look at all the babies and toddlers dressed up I long to have one of my own. And now this year, the Little Guy's mother has made a request to have him, even though it's our night according to the schedule of days. We agreed because she's missed out on it for 2 years and this might be his last year wanting to go AND...we have to share. So we will hand out candy and wish that we were out there walking around. I would have loved to be pushing a little pumpkin costumed baby around but that was not to be.

2 - Thanksgiving - As you know, we are hosting for the first time this year. Again, there should be a baby in the house. This is such a family holiday and I feel somewhat jipped because I feel my family is incomplete. So even though I'll be busy beyond belief with prepping and cooking, I will still feel a whole in the day.

3 - Christmas - This should be my baby(ies) first Christmas. As down as I was last Christmas with the move hindering my decorating and all the quickness of the season, I fear this year will be worse. Maybe I'm wrong and I will be my old self with the decorating and the magical feel of everything, but I don't want to raise my expectations. I don't want to feel like I'm letting myself down if I'm not in the Christmas spirit enough, so I'm preparing for a somber season. In my heart I know I should be hanging a fourth stocking. And the fact that I won't be is pretty upsetting to me. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle things this year. I hope I will be able to be strong and put on a happy face, at least when the Little Guy is around. I guess we'll find out when the time comes to put up the tree, which will happen Thanksgiving weekend. I will either be ready to go and decorate everything or I will stop with the tree and call it a day. I will hope for the former to happen.

So right now, I'm doing ok. In a move only my body can do, I saw some ewcm yesterday afternoon so I did an opk. It was negative and I was glad because it's only CD7 today. I forgot to bring test strips with me today but will test again when I get home this evening. We don't have the Little Guy this weekend because we switched with his mother, per her request, so it would be nice to get a positive tomorrow or Sunday even though it's a little early. We always do better when he's not there. BJ is going over to Rick's tonight for some guy bonding (beer and pool playing) and I'm hoping to do some digital scrapping. I have new software that I'm trying out and I have a lot to learn about it. Some quiet time on a Friday night is the perfect time to dive right in.

I hope you all have a great weekend! For those of you trying, I hope you get some good news very soon. For those of you that have succeeded, I hope your pregnancies continue to go great. And for those of you holding babies, give them a kiss from me. We are all in this together and maybe one day we will all have our dreams come true.

3 comments:

someday-soon said...

Big {{{HUGS}}} I hope your dreams come true VERY soon!

Alex said...

I hope all our dreams come true soon!!! Sounds like your time is coming up soon - enjoy the weekend!

callmemama said...

Yeah, all of these upcoming holidays can be pretty hard for those of us with empty arms :(. Add to that list my wedding anniversary, and yes, the fall can be quite a minefield of emotions! Hopefully we can all get through the next few months mostly intact :).