Friday, October 8, 2010

Headache and Heartbreak

I still had a temperature above my coverline yesterday morning. And of course I deluded myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe we were lucky. Yesterday afternoon I started to get a headache. I brushed it off by chalking it up to the fact that I was a little stressed at work and really tired. It was still there when I got home so I took 3 extra strength tylenol. When the medicine didn't work, I knew the headache was hormonal. It used to happen every month but it hasn't happened on a regular basis in quite a while. I knew then that the thermometer would let me down this morning. I was right.

Not only was I right, but I still have this damned headache. It's not as bad as a migraine, but it's close. I might leave work a little early today if it doesn't let up. I haven't seen any spotting yet but I know it's just around the corner. What a great way to start off my weekend.

I'm on CD30 right now. What happened to my good old predictable body? Where did my 26 day cycle go? Out the window, that's where. That's where my hope started flying yesterday, too. Right out the window. I even let myself go as far as picturing what a pregnant belly would look like on me. That's something I haven't done in years. I think my hope builds more as time goes on because I'm getting more and more desperate. I was in a pretty "flat line" of hope until recently. I've noticed that I get more and more giddy in each 2ww now. I need to be a bit more resolved and not let myself get caught up in the what ifs all the time. That's easy to say at the end of a cycle, isn't it? It's much harder to rationalize the situation when I'm in the 2ww or the 1ww. Hope has a way of wiggling right in here and then breaking my heart all over again.

As sad as I am, and as much as my head hurts, I'm very excited that our dining room table is being delivered tomorrow between 8 and 12. We will officially have a place for people to eat Thanksgiving dinner. And that is something to be very happy about. So that is what I'm going to focus on...my table and the big dinner and all the prep work that will need to be done before the big day. And there's a lot. BJ needs to finish the kitchen for crying out loud. :-) We need shoe molding, handles and transitions. Maybe getting the table will spark him into action.

I'm off on Monday and have invited my SIL and her daughter over for some scrapbooking. It will be the first time I've had someone over to work on scrapbooks. I'm pretty excited about it. I have many pages that need mounted and I want to work on some Christmas cards and tags with my Cricut.

So I guess I have 2 things to look forward to as I head into the weekend...my table and scrapping. Hopefully it will make the eventual showing of AF not so terrible. Distractions are a good way to mend/ignore a broken heart.

I hope you all have a great weekend and if you are having the kind of weather we are forecast to have, I hope you can get outside and enjoy it a bit.

10 comments:

Alex said...

Oh that hope is a bitch, isn't she? I hate how our bodies can screw with our minds - it's terrible. I'm so very sorry about both the headache and the dropping temps...heartbreaking. Enjoy the new table and your scrapbooking!

Willow said...

Distractions are definitely our friends! I love the idea of scrapbooking together. Hope it's a good weekend and that headache goes away soon!

heartincharge said...

It sounds like you have a very fun weekend planned and an excited holiday season ahead of you. I hope your projects keep you distracted, especially remodeling a kitchen and hosting Thanksgiving dinner!

Leslie said...

I am so sorry!!! I hope that your headache goes away and that you have a fantastic time scrapbooking! I have not done that in a long time and was thinking about starting up a little next week again!!!

someday-soon said...

Crap! I'm sorry she's getting ready to show and that you have to deal with the horrible headache. Hopefully you took off from work early and enjoy your new table and scrapbooking =)

Patricia said...

Boo for AF and headaches! But you're right.....thank goodness for distractions!

Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

That wench, I'm so sorry! I hope you're knee deep into a great weekend already and your table and scrapping distract you well. {{{HUGS}}}

Fran said...

Oh sweetie, so so sorry. The crushing feeling of hope being defeated once again is overwhelming.

Big hugs, Fran

callmemama said...

Sorry Teejay :(. Hope is amazing difficult to squelch. Hope you manage to have a good weekend despite the witch showing up!

A said...

I have been reading and praying for you, and finally I can comment again! I am so sorry about the heartache- a headache is always my tried and true sign of impending doom, too. Ugh. How is your new table?! What kind of scrapbook pages were you working on? Many hugs coming your way (HUG)