Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I wrote this yesterday but could not post it so it's a day behind and I didn't even proof read it so it might not be up to par so I apologize for that. :-)

I think I'm 7dpo. I might be 8, I'm not sure. My temp took it's good old time rising this time around and I had a strangely high temp well before ovulation so FF was a little confused. I'm trying to go on my opk's and what I felt. FF says I'm only 5dpo but I believe I'm at least 2 days ahead of that. Either way, I'm in the 2ww. And I would have to say that we timed things pretty ok. And that's saying a lot given our history of BD'ing when it's time. So I will start to analyze every little thing starting today, I'm sure. But as an infertile, I can't help it.

On Saturday, the Little Guy and I went to his cousin's soccer game and then the whole gang came over for lunch and stayed until almost dinner time. The boys stayed the night and the niece went home missing her brothers. It was fun to have everyone over. We grilled hamburgers and chicken breasts. I was at the store Friday and just happened to notice a marinade recipe on the back of the mustard bottle as I was looking for the expiration date. I told BJ we ought to try it. It was a huge success. All the kids liked it and we did too, of course. It's like a honey mustard without the honey. If you get a chance, check it out. It was mustard, brown sugar and ranch dressing. So yummy. Especially the part that BJ saved to the side for dipping or drizzling after the chicken was grilled. We found a winner.

The boys went home Sunday around noon and we just chilled out and watched some football. It was a lovely weekend. It really made me wish that I had another child in the house to give us some chaos. And so the Little Guy would always have a playmate. I so wish that I could have had a baby 2 or 3 years ago. It makes me sad that if I were to have one now, it and the Little Guy wouldn't really form that sibling bond that siblings closer in age form. There was 8 1/2 years between me and my brother and while I cherished him like no other, we didn't have the close sibling relationship that I wanted. It's hard when there is that much of an age difference. I can't even imagine an age difference more than 10 years. It seems to me that they would never be able to relate to each other. Maybe I'm wrong. I'm hoping that I am and that I actually get to find out what kind of relationship they would have.

This gives me a better perspective of people suffering secondary infertility. I would think that most people want their kids to be relatively close in age. And when couples struggle to have another child and can't I'm sure it's very frustrating. I'm sure they watch one child grow and wonder if that child will ever be a big brother or sister. If they will ever have someone to share bunk beds with, fight over the remote with, race to the front seat of the car with...all those things that siblings do. I'm sure it's hard having loads of baby gear and clothes saved for the next baby and that next baby never shows up. It must be really sad. Yes, I think some people might tell those secondary infertiles to just be happy with what they have and at least they have one child. But at the same time, if you feel your life is missing a child and you can't fill that hole, it's a hole nonetheless. I don't know many couples that are adamant about wanting just one child so when the plan to fill a house or at least 2 bedrooms comes up empty, I'm sure they suffer just as much as we do. Yes, they have a child that they love and cherish but I'm sure they still feel incomplete and like they are doing that child a disservice when they are trying desperately to have another. In a way, that is exactly how I feel. I think the Little Guy would make a great big brother, but his big brother days are slipping away one by one and it makes me very sad.

This not the direction in which this post was supposed to go, but it is what it is and that is just how if flowed out of me. We all suffer in one way or another in this infertile land. I hope that we all find a way out of it so the suffering can stop.

And thank you to everyone that stopped by my blog this week! I love new comments and I have found a few new ones to follow. It's always great to meet new bloggers and make new connections. Especially other hockey fans...even if they are Chicago and Pittsburgh fans. :-) We are going to Caps Convention Saturday and we can't wait! I'm trying to get BJ to cave in on me spending $25 for a picture with my all time favorite, the reason I paid attention to hockey in the first place, player...Peter "Banzai"Bondra! I'll let you know how that turns out. :-)


Anonymous said...

Yip for 2ww-ing!

Re: your thoughts on age differences b'twn siblings. There are four of us kids in my family. I am three years younger than my older bro, six years older than my little sis and nine years younger than my little bro (which makes 12 years between my brothers). We are all very close, even tho each one of us lives in a different city now. I have an awesome awesome relationship with my little bro (who I, funnily enough, call "my little guy"). I just wanted to give you some hope that it's absolutely possible to have that sibling bond, even when there are many years between them.

Soooo hoping THIS is your month! xo

Pie said...

IF, in all its shapes and forms is hard. No doubt about it. My SIL is suffering secondary IF (after struggling to have my niece) and I know how much she wants to give a sibling to my niece. It is hard.

Have fun at the Caps convention!!

Alex said...

I really hope this one is it for you! Nice work on the timing!!!

Interesting thoughts about secondary fertility. I would love to have a child - just one. But I can imagine wanting a sibling for that child, as the sibling relationship is so important. We all struggle - thanks for the reminder that infertility changes the hopes and dreams we have for our family - for everyone.

One more week - go very quick!