Monday, May 24, 2010

Welcome ICLW'ers!

So sorry this is late going sort of snuck up on me this month.

First I want to thank everyone for the birthday and anniversary wishes. Both days were very nice, even though it sucks getting older...especially when TTC. When I started this journey, I was 24 and now I'm 34 (sheesh!). I started out thinking that I have plenty of time. That is what I would tell people when they asked about my baby plans. Slowly, the time started passing. Then it passed not so slowly and now it seems to just be flying by.

I've been ttc my first child since August of 2000 with my first husband. We never had any good luck and we both checked out fine. He now has 2 little girls and I'm still without, so it's pretty much a guarantee that I was/am the problem. I have had 2 IUI's and an IVF with my new husband and we still have no baby. We also don't have the chunk of change needed for any more treatments. And that, my friends, is the suckiest part of all of this.

So we move on, and we keep trying for a little while longer. BJ (as my husband is known on this blog) is 4 years older than me so he is about to turn 38. He's pretty much reached the end of his rope in the baby makin' journey. He has an 8 (almost 9) year old son and he feels he and the Little Guy are just getting too old. I don't blame him one bit. I didn't want this big of an age gap for me and my child, either. That, and as soon as I hit 35 I'm at the famed AMA that doctors love so much. I think my eggs are already crappy but that has never been proven.

We are just trying naturally right now. I'm temping this month but I forgot (decided to rebel) to order my opk strips to see when I peak. We don't always have the best timing for BD'ing as my husband gets a bit of stage fright when he knows it's "show time" for him and his swimmers. I used to have a great 26 day cycle with ewcm and everything. Since all of treatments last Spring/Summer nothing has been the same. I've ovulated as early as day 10 and have had cycles ranging from 23 to 30 days. It's very frustrating to say the least.

I use this blog to vent, cry, laugh and try to appreciate the good things that I DO have in this life. Like being a step-mom. It's not easy, but I would not give it up for anything. I try to be positive and upbeat but sometimes it's just not possible. I suffer from bouts of depression. I try my hardest to recognize my sinking moments so that I can pull myself up. Again, sometimes it's just too hard and I need a pity party before I can move on. I have found the greatest band of support any infertile (or fertile) girl can ask for on the blogosphere. If you are just a reader and not a writer, try crossing over. You will be amazed at the support and understanding you will receive. I love my blog and my followers as much as I love reading other blogs.

So thanks for stopping by and reading and/or saying hello! I love finding new blogs to follow and new friends to lend support to.


Kellyanne said...

Financial reasons are our main factor for not doing anything crazy this year too =( Last year We spent over 28k, and no baby =(

I also hear ya on the age gap. I fear that by time I have baby #2 (husbands 1st) My daughter will be in college!

Alex said...

What a fabulous post. I already know most of your story, but it's a great reminder of how much you've been through, and how strong you are. Teejay, you're one amazing woman!!!

AplusB said...

thanks for the background info - even though I've been following you for a while, it's nice to learn even more.
Happy ICLW!

junebug said...

I complete understand. After 8 years of TTC I'm turning 38 and I'm beginning to wonder the same thing. Great post.

Niki said...

It should be mandatory for all insurance companies to cover any infertility procedures. I live in a state that does but the insurance companies found a loop hole.
Your right about the support you can find in the blogging community. It is wonderful.

PS I just became your follower!
Happy ICLW!(#64)

Missy said...

Nice to meet you!

Jem said...

That's a long time to be trying. Wow! My cycle is all wonky after IVF, too! We've been on a break and trying naturally (no luck) and are heading back to the RE tomorrow!

Happy ICLW!