Again, I need to apologize for being so absent. I feel a little overwhelmed with all I want to write and I think that has kept me away. Not really a good excuse, but that's what I'm going with. Thank you to those that have prodded me with e-mails...it's nice to know that you are still out there and still interested in reading my updates. There's so much going on but for now I will just write a pregnancy update and then see where that takes me. Here's where we stand:
As of my 38 week appointment there had been no progress. I had been having some braxton hicks contractions on and off and some extra pressure in my abdomen. I was hopeful for at least a cm or 2. No such luck. Plus, at my 37 week appointment I was measuring 36 weeks, no big deal...then at my 38 week appointment I had jumped up to 39 weeks! No wonder I was feeling more pressure. Baby Girl had gone through quite a growth spurt. I told my doctor that I could not physically do my commute anymore. I told her that I commute to DC (almost 2 hours each way) and that the bus was killing me. She wrote me a note to get me out of work and I was so relieved. She told me to walk, walk, walk and walk some more to get things going. So of course the weather turns cold and rainy as soon as I'm home to take those walks. Figures. I walk around the house and I rock on my big exercise ball that I got for Christmas (which I need to write about, too) and I try to stay mobile and busy. I have started feeling stronger contractions. I knew these were different because they started in my lower abdomen like menstrual cramps and then my belly would get hard. One morning I almost started timing them because they were coming fast and furious. Then they stopped. I figured it was the start of something good and that at the next appointment things would be moving along. Not so much. I hadn't seen any signs of a mucous plug and the contractions were few and far between. I'm big, uncomfortable and having arguments with myself. Things like:
me - I just want to go into labor and have this baby and meet her and love her
me2 - don't wish your pregnancy away...it's the only one you are every going to get to experience
me - you are right, but I can't sleep and I ache and I'm ready for her to be here
me2 - yes, but once she's here, you won't feel her moving around in your belly anymore...and you'll be even more tired
me - you're right again...I love having her with me all the time and feeling her move and rubbing my belly.
It's a hard problem to have, right? I must sound so shallow. But really, I am not wishing the pregnancy away, I just want to feel better. I've had it really easy but these last few weeks have been pretty hard on me. I wasn't expecting to be so uncomfortable. I do not look forward to getting into bed at night. Yes, I look forward to sleeping but my bed is my enemy right now. I have pillows everywhere and can't really find a comfortable way to sleep. Cry me a river. Can I just tell you how cool it is to "complain" about the last weeks of pregnancy? Especially since I have no real complaints other than mobility and sleep.
Backing up a little, we were sent for a sonogram on 12/31 to check Baby Girl's weight. I didn't expect to see her again until I saw her in person so I was really excited. BJ came with me and we were just amazed at how big she has gotten since our 20 week scan. She looks like the Little Guy to me but BJ said he doesn't see it. She has hair and chubby little cheeks and weighed in around 5lbs, 13oz. We got a few good pictures of her and it's unbelievable how seeing those pictures made it even more real for me. I have the huge belly, she moves all the time and our house is ready to bring a baby home any day now but I still have trouble believing that we are having a BABY. I know it must sound crazy at this point but it's true. Seeing her on that screen really brought it into perspective...there's a human baby, our baby, that will be joining us on the outside very soon. It blows my mind that we are here. Anyway...
I was really hoping for a little progress yesterday at my 39 week appointment but that was not to be. My cervix is holding onto this baby like fort knox. BJ said I shouldn't be surprised because I couldn't get pregnant on my own why would I think my body would cooperate come delivery time? He's right and I told him that I was thinking the same thing. My body didn't get this way on its own and it appears that it doesn't know how to let go of the pregnancy, either. I keep telling myself that first babies are often late and many need help coming out. I wasn't surprised that nothing was happening but I was a little disappointed.
My doctor wants another weight scan (yay!) on Tuesday and then to come see her Wednesday morning at 11:30. If nothing is happening then I'm off to labor and delivery for some good old cervix ripening gel. They will monitor me for 2 hours and if things start happening then we stay and have a baby. If things don't happen after 2 hours then we go home and proceed with an induction the following week...I've already been placed on the waiting list. Things felt extremely real after my appointment yesterday. I'm now anxious and nervous and excited all at once. I'm scared of labor, I'm scared of a c-section and I'm still scared that something could go really wrong. It's a lot of emotions to experience at once. Our due date is Thursday so the thought of having her the day before or exactly on that date is pretty awesome. In the mean time I'm going to continue to walk around the house (because we are having lousy weather) and rocking on my exercise ball in the hopes that we won't need any intervention (yeah, right).
Oh, and we have a name but are not revealing it until she's born. I learned early on that people are not afraid to express opinions when you throw out some names that you are considering. And on the flip side, they get a bit offended if you don't love and pick the names they are giving you. So we decided that once we picked a name it would be a secret. It was the simplest solution to an issue that was becoming a stressful topic with people around us. I bought wooden letters yesterday that we will be hanging on the wall in her room.
That's about all for now, I guess. My wrist is tired of typing and I need to get up and get moving. I will try to write more about the other things running around in my head very soon because once she's here I have a feeling I'll be even worse with blogging...as if that is possible. Thanks for sticking around and checking on me. It really is nice to have all of you out there rooting for us and caring.