I missed this yesterday....I apparently posted my 100th post yesterday. Wow, didn't realize I had done that many. I guess I blabber more than I thought. :-) I am so thankful that I have found this outlet, this diary, this community. It helps so much to get my thoughts and feelings and rants down on "paper". And the best part is that I know there are people out there that are supportive of me, even on my worst days. There's always advice and hugs and even some laughs, that await me when I log in to see comments. Thank you, Readers and Followers, you make it better.
Now for my original post idea for today:
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We are very slowly putting together each room in our house. My parents want to see pictures of us actually "living" in the new place. Empty rooms are nice, but they want the real deal. And since I have become such a neat freak I refuse to take any pictures until the room is just the way I want it. That's why none of you have seen any pictures either. The hall bath (Little Guy's bathroom) is the only room of the house that is done. All the other rooms are coming along nicely, but I don't want anyone to see them yet. I don't know what has happened to me since moving into this house but my tastes have not only changed but I'm not even sure what my tastes are anymore. I used to just throw things together in a room and if a couple things happened to match or coordinate I was happy. Not so much anymore. I want everything to match and coordinate and compliment and "pop" and all those other words I have learned from watching HGTV. This is why it's taking me so long to put my house together. That and I am out of the house for 12 hours a day during the week with little to no time by myself on the weekends to shop for these things. I spent an hour and 20 minutes in a store over the holiday break looking for a shower curtain for our bathroom and ended up leaving with new silverware. It has become a real problem that I can't find what I want...and that has something to do with the fact that I don't KNOW what I want. And even more to do with the fact that I have never decorated anything like this because I'm a tomboy and I don't really have "taste" or an eye for things like this. Whew...glad I got that off my chest.
The kitchen has dark cabinets as seen here with black appliances. I have decided to make the accent color red. I love red all of a sudden. The kitchen table is also a dark color, but more brown than the sedona in the kitchen cabinets. The living room is a big issue right now. The carpet is beige (which I don't like but had to go with because it was the most neutral) and the paint is a bone white. The paint looks like an actual color because of the bright white trim. Our new furniture (that I love) is chocolate brown. the only real color in the room is the pillows that came with the love seats. They are multi-colored and patterned with some geometric shapes and what not. I'm trying to find curtains for our big window. Mainly to add some color and character but also to help keep the cold air out. I want the curtains to only cover the very edges of the windows because I love looking out and I love the natural light. I found some striped (yes, I can't believe I liked them as I'm not usually much on stripes) curtains that had all the colors of the pillows. I was so excited. I bought them and hung them up on a great new curtain rod. They made the room feel so comfy and cozy. BJ even liked them and he doesn't like stripes either. The problem you may ask? They are 84 inches and we really need 96 inches so they graze the floor. We have 9 foot ceilings and 6 foot windows on the first floor. I thought of pulling them back around one of those really nice hook things and that helped. However, they really need to hang to the floor. So it was off to Target and Lowes. Everything at Target was 84 inches. All but one style at Lowes was 84 inches. The ones that were 96 inches were ok and I thought I'd try them. They only came in 4 colors. I picked the one that matched the pillows the best and hung them up. They blend too much with the wall paint. Not enough punch or pizazz. They are the perfect length, though. Total disappointment. They have to go back. BJ and I searched the Internet for almost an hour and couldn't find any pre-made 96 inch curtains that even came close to being as perfect as the original ones. They Lowes curtains are going back tomorrow and at $45 a piece I'm ok with that. I just don't know what to do. I'm not crafty, so making my own is a joke. Back to the drawing board.
Isn't it nice that I'm focusing on curtains when there are some really awful things going on the world right now? I feel very selfish for worrying about such a trivial item in these times. However, the curtains are important to me and as much as I love looking at that window, I need to find a solution. I actually have pictures to hang in the room and a couple of ideas of things to hang in the kitchen eating area so the sooner we get this curtain thing worked out, the sooner I can feel like I live at my house. I'm sure you all just love reading about my house woes when you are trying to live your lives and are facing much more prominent issues. In full disclosure, I am more than aware how lucky I am to even have windows. This blog is about my life and right now, unfortunately, I'm focused on me and my windows.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I Did It
I took the first step. Now I sit here and wait for the phone to ring and hope that it does. I called the OB/GYN that I had a consult with in October and left a message with his office that I'd like to talk to him about my case. I'm going to ask him what he thinks of prescribing me 50mg of Clomid for a month or 2. I'm nervous as hell because I've never been this proactive. I've never outright asked for something without a doctor first recommending it to me. I hope he calls me back because the receptionist/nurse said that he can be "inconsistent" with phone calls. We'll see.
It's CD1 and I wanted to do something special for myself. So I'm giving myself some hope. I know the realities of it and that the Clomid probably won't do anything for me other than make me ovulate (which I do on my own anyway) but it will make me feel less helpless, like I'm actually DOING something to get knocked up. Hell, maybe it will make me ovulate on a more regular day like CD13 or even *gasp* CD14.
Please call me back, doctor.
It's CD1 and I wanted to do something special for myself. So I'm giving myself some hope. I know the realities of it and that the Clomid probably won't do anything for me other than make me ovulate (which I do on my own anyway) but it will make me feel less helpless, like I'm actually DOING something to get knocked up. Hell, maybe it will make me ovulate on a more regular day like CD13 or even *gasp* CD14.
Please call me back, doctor.
Got My Wish...Well, Not Really
She showed up last night about 8:00 or so. She's here. How I wish she weren't. I don't think I've ever gone that long after ovulation before my period started. Plus, my temp was still above the cover line yesterday morning...just barely, but it was still up. This morning of course it's back down to it's usual 97.7 range. I took some motrin this morning to help with cramps and my new symptom...leg pains. It took me about 6 or 8 months to realize that my knees and hips start to ache really bad when AF shows up or is a day away. I usually just attributed it to cold weather, standing or walking too much, things like that. But the last 3 cycles I have actually paid attention and now I know. She has found a new way to cause me pain. Dumb, mean bitch that she is. I'm bummed and so is BJ. He had the same thought I had the other day...wasn't I just on my period? And to top it off, remember the ex sil that is a baby making machine? Well, she's back up on FB. And of course I read through her whole page and everyone was congratulating her on baby number 8. Apparently her husband now has a job. She's about 18 weeks along so she'll be getting the gender scan soon. I was so down in the dumps after reading all of those posts yesterday. If I could just have a tenth of her fertility...
I guess I need to put the blahs behind me and focus on the one good thing of AF showing up. I had a 26 day cycle. Maybe this is the beginning of good things for me. Maybe this means that my body will be a little more predictable. I have to hang onto to something or I will just sit here and wallow and sink into utter sadness. That's not what I want to do and it doesn't accomplish anything good. I will take this as yet another learning experience along the way. As if 9 years of learning experiences wasn't enough.
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BJ and I decided not to go to Atlantic City. We will be making our first mortgage payment today and thought that it wouldn't be a good idea (even though the room is free) to be going to a casino right now. We are trying to find something fun to do for Valentine's Day, though. It's not a holiday that we normally "do" anything for. I usually get a nice card and maybe some yummy chocolates, but we don't make a big deal out of it. The main reason is because his dad died on V-day so it's not a day he likes to "celebrate". I totally understand that. But at the same time, he understands that it's sweethearts day and he still thinks of me so that makes me appreciate the little things he does even more. I still have not found the time to sit down and create his paper album of pictures yet. I'm going to have to close myself in the room this weekend for maybe an hour each day to work on it.
My SIL is still in the hospital. She's not getting worse, but she isn't getting any better either. They have maxed out on her steroids and her breathing treatments. And yesterday, her respiratory nurse suggested she request to see a pulmonologist. I didn't know she wasn't being treated by one of those. It's pretty bad when your nurse thinks you need additional help that your doctor hasn't mentioned. This hospital does not have a great reputation for the best of care. I tried to call her a few minutes ago and she was getting another chest x-ray so I don't know if the new doctor has been in yet to see her. I'm a little worried now. I was ok once I visited her the first time as I thought she looked good and seemed like she wasn't getting worse. But now that a new doctor has been called in makes me wonder what he will find with her lungs. It's very scary. I'm going to think positive thoughts until I know anything for sure. It would mean a lot to me if you would do the same.
I guess I need to put the blahs behind me and focus on the one good thing of AF showing up. I had a 26 day cycle. Maybe this is the beginning of good things for me. Maybe this means that my body will be a little more predictable. I have to hang onto to something or I will just sit here and wallow and sink into utter sadness. That's not what I want to do and it doesn't accomplish anything good. I will take this as yet another learning experience along the way. As if 9 years of learning experiences wasn't enough.
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BJ and I decided not to go to Atlantic City. We will be making our first mortgage payment today and thought that it wouldn't be a good idea (even though the room is free) to be going to a casino right now. We are trying to find something fun to do for Valentine's Day, though. It's not a holiday that we normally "do" anything for. I usually get a nice card and maybe some yummy chocolates, but we don't make a big deal out of it. The main reason is because his dad died on V-day so it's not a day he likes to "celebrate". I totally understand that. But at the same time, he understands that it's sweethearts day and he still thinks of me so that makes me appreciate the little things he does even more. I still have not found the time to sit down and create his paper album of pictures yet. I'm going to have to close myself in the room this weekend for maybe an hour each day to work on it.
My SIL is still in the hospital. She's not getting worse, but she isn't getting any better either. They have maxed out on her steroids and her breathing treatments. And yesterday, her respiratory nurse suggested she request to see a pulmonologist. I didn't know she wasn't being treated by one of those. It's pretty bad when your nurse thinks you need additional help that your doctor hasn't mentioned. This hospital does not have a great reputation for the best of care. I tried to call her a few minutes ago and she was getting another chest x-ray so I don't know if the new doctor has been in yet to see her. I'm a little worried now. I was ok once I visited her the first time as I thought she looked good and seemed like she wasn't getting worse. But now that a new doctor has been called in makes me wonder what he will find with her lungs. It's very scary. I'm going to think positive thoughts until I know anything for sure. It would mean a lot to me if you would do the same.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Are You There AF? It's Me, TeeJay
To whom it may concern (AF):
I know you are coming to visit me soon. I saw the 3 spots on Monday. I am sleepy, snippy, a tad over-emotional and definitely bloated. After BJ and I did the deed Monday night, I saw more of you and actually expected you to arrive on Tuesday. Why have I not seen any signs of you since?
Could this be the beginning of my cycle getting back to normal? If you wait until tomorrow to show up, I will have had a 26 day cycle. However, I am 16DPO right now. I don't usually have a leutal phase this long. I ovulated on CD10 for crying out loud. Last cycle I ovulated pretty early too and ended up with a 23 day cycle...not ideal.
But then you know all of this because you like to mess with me, don't you? You like to make me think that maybe, just maybe we got lucky this month. And even though you are giving me my usual PMS symptoms, you are also trying to make me have hope by not showing up. Why do you do this? Once the spotting starts, it doesn't usually stop all together. What are you up to in there?
If there's no baby, please show yourself. This waiting and wondering is not easy on a girl...especially an infertile like me. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of spending my money on a pee stick and then using it and wiping and seeing your ugly face so you might as well get over yourself and just SHOW UP ALREADY.
And if you are going to revert back to a more regular pattern, I actually thank you for that. I could use a little more predictability from you. We have been together for a long time and I would hate to see this relationship go any more down the tubes than it already has over my TTC years.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
TeeJay
PS....please, please, please stay away for 9 months. I'd rather NOT see you show up.
I know you are coming to visit me soon. I saw the 3 spots on Monday. I am sleepy, snippy, a tad over-emotional and definitely bloated. After BJ and I did the deed Monday night, I saw more of you and actually expected you to arrive on Tuesday. Why have I not seen any signs of you since?
Could this be the beginning of my cycle getting back to normal? If you wait until tomorrow to show up, I will have had a 26 day cycle. However, I am 16DPO right now. I don't usually have a leutal phase this long. I ovulated on CD10 for crying out loud. Last cycle I ovulated pretty early too and ended up with a 23 day cycle...not ideal.
But then you know all of this because you like to mess with me, don't you? You like to make me think that maybe, just maybe we got lucky this month. And even though you are giving me my usual PMS symptoms, you are also trying to make me have hope by not showing up. Why do you do this? Once the spotting starts, it doesn't usually stop all together. What are you up to in there?
If there's no baby, please show yourself. This waiting and wondering is not easy on a girl...especially an infertile like me. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of spending my money on a pee stick and then using it and wiping and seeing your ugly face so you might as well get over yourself and just SHOW UP ALREADY.
And if you are going to revert back to a more regular pattern, I actually thank you for that. I could use a little more predictability from you. We have been together for a long time and I would hate to see this relationship go any more down the tubes than it already has over my TTC years.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
TeeJay
PS....please, please, please stay away for 9 months. I'd rather NOT see you show up.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Hectic Weekend
Hello everyone! I need to make a quick rundown of my weekend because there was a lot going on. And when I say "quick" I really do mean it, even though this will probably end up being a long post. I have good intentions, really I do. I just like to blabber and I get wordy and see? Here I go.
The plan for Saturday was basketball game in the AM then head over to Target for curtains, bedspreads and towels. Then to Lowes for a slew of things...bathroom lights (we HATE ours), hardware for the kitchen cabinets, slats for the bunk beds, curtains (if none at Target) and a few more things. Then we were going to finish putting the beds together and chill at home. Well, that's not what happened.
I found out on my way home Friday that BJ's sister was in the hospital. She has been sick on and off for about 2 weeks with bronchitis and other "cold" related issues. She has asthma so this tends to make things worse for her. She finally went to the doctor Friday and they admitted her almost immediately. She's only 38 years old and generally healthy. Her pulse/ox was down in the low 80's and she could barely talk without losing her breath and coughing. She has some "junk" (doctor word) in her lungs that they wanted her to get up. She has 3 kids (8, 6, and 2) and a husband. And luckily, this husband has retired, healthy, loving parents. They asked us if we could keep the oldest boy Saturday night to help out. Well, of course. So that meant changing our Saturday plans a bit. We did our shopping (more on the curtain debate in another post) very quickly and didn't get 1/2 of what we needed/wanted because we had to rush to get back home to be there when the grandparents dropped the nephew off after his basketball game. The beds didn't get put together. The boys slept on the mattresses just on the floor. BJ wanted to go see his sister and I stayed with the boys. He picked up a pizza on his way home and I scarfed down a few slices and then I took off for the hospital. When I got home we dressed the beds in the new comforters and sheets and made the boys lay down as it was after 10:00. Then BJ and I hit the sack. We were beat.
Sunday morning came way too early as the nephew is not a late sleeper like the Little Guy. But we got up and the boys played and we got ready to go. We went to lunch and then dropped the Little Guy off with his mother, took the nephew home, went to the hospital to visit the SIL and then went home and watched some football. Decided we didn't want anything in the house for dinner so we went out to eat and then to the store...again looking for curtains and a lamp. We finally got home at 9:00, just in time for the 4th quarter of the football game. Watched that and then went to bed.
It was a busy, stressful weekend. Everyone was so worried about the SIL. The doctors still aren't quite sure what she has going on. She has been improving very slowly over the weekend and she just sent me an e-mail saying her oxygen is up to 96 which is very good news. She had some x-rays done this morning and they will wait to see how everything looks before they will let her know if she can go home or not. The staff is leaning towards another night in the hospital. I know it's killing her to be there and away from her kids. She was put on this earth to be a wife and mother and for her to be stuck in the bed is torture. She volunteers 2 days a week at the boys' school and takes her daughter to story-time once a week and is just always on the go.
We have been after them for a long time to get the house checked for mold. They get colds and infections way too much for a normal family. The house is 30 years old and you just never know. The BIL's mother told me that her son was never sick until the last couple of years and he's had pneumonia 2 or 3 times. That's something to worry about. So I think they are actually going to look into it now.
So that was my weekend. And on the TTC front since this IS an infertility blog...my temps have stayed up and I'm 14dpo today. I think I saw the beginnings of spotting a little while ago. I'm a little snippy and a lot tired so I think the damn monthly visitor that we all know and hate will be showing up in the next day or so. I can't wait. Insert sarcastic tone here.
The plan for Saturday was basketball game in the AM then head over to Target for curtains, bedspreads and towels. Then to Lowes for a slew of things...bathroom lights (we HATE ours), hardware for the kitchen cabinets, slats for the bunk beds, curtains (if none at Target) and a few more things. Then we were going to finish putting the beds together and chill at home. Well, that's not what happened.
I found out on my way home Friday that BJ's sister was in the hospital. She has been sick on and off for about 2 weeks with bronchitis and other "cold" related issues. She has asthma so this tends to make things worse for her. She finally went to the doctor Friday and they admitted her almost immediately. She's only 38 years old and generally healthy. Her pulse/ox was down in the low 80's and she could barely talk without losing her breath and coughing. She has some "junk" (doctor word) in her lungs that they wanted her to get up. She has 3 kids (8, 6, and 2) and a husband. And luckily, this husband has retired, healthy, loving parents. They asked us if we could keep the oldest boy Saturday night to help out. Well, of course. So that meant changing our Saturday plans a bit. We did our shopping (more on the curtain debate in another post) very quickly and didn't get 1/2 of what we needed/wanted because we had to rush to get back home to be there when the grandparents dropped the nephew off after his basketball game. The beds didn't get put together. The boys slept on the mattresses just on the floor. BJ wanted to go see his sister and I stayed with the boys. He picked up a pizza on his way home and I scarfed down a few slices and then I took off for the hospital. When I got home we dressed the beds in the new comforters and sheets and made the boys lay down as it was after 10:00. Then BJ and I hit the sack. We were beat.
Sunday morning came way too early as the nephew is not a late sleeper like the Little Guy. But we got up and the boys played and we got ready to go. We went to lunch and then dropped the Little Guy off with his mother, took the nephew home, went to the hospital to visit the SIL and then went home and watched some football. Decided we didn't want anything in the house for dinner so we went out to eat and then to the store...again looking for curtains and a lamp. We finally got home at 9:00, just in time for the 4th quarter of the football game. Watched that and then went to bed.
It was a busy, stressful weekend. Everyone was so worried about the SIL. The doctors still aren't quite sure what she has going on. She has been improving very slowly over the weekend and she just sent me an e-mail saying her oxygen is up to 96 which is very good news. She had some x-rays done this morning and they will wait to see how everything looks before they will let her know if she can go home or not. The staff is leaning towards another night in the hospital. I know it's killing her to be there and away from her kids. She was put on this earth to be a wife and mother and for her to be stuck in the bed is torture. She volunteers 2 days a week at the boys' school and takes her daughter to story-time once a week and is just always on the go.
We have been after them for a long time to get the house checked for mold. They get colds and infections way too much for a normal family. The house is 30 years old and you just never know. The BIL's mother told me that her son was never sick until the last couple of years and he's had pneumonia 2 or 3 times. That's something to worry about. So I think they are actually going to look into it now.
So that was my weekend. And on the TTC front since this IS an infertility blog...my temps have stayed up and I'm 14dpo today. I think I saw the beginnings of spotting a little while ago. I'm a little snippy and a lot tired so I think the damn monthly visitor that we all know and hate will be showing up in the next day or so. I can't wait. Insert sarcastic tone here.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Welcome ICLW'ers!
I can't believe it's that time again! That's a phrase I use when my period is about to start. "Wasn't I just ON my period?" I ask myself. The time really flies sometimes.
So a little about me...I'm 33 and I live in the NE region of the US. I'm on my second marriage. I have a great step-son that is 8. He's with us about 50% of the time. I have been TTC my first child since I was 24 years old and married to my first husband. I suffer from unexplained infertility. It's very frustrating to say the least. My first husband and I did not seek any medical help as I have no coverage for the procedures. I still don't have coverage but we managed to save money (via tax refunds, over-time, paid out comp days and a little help from my parents)for 2 IUI's and an IVF. Obviously I failed at all 3 of them. I recently spoke to a new doctor that believes that I suffer from DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) as evident from my poor response during my IVF cycle. I had 5 follies, 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilize normally and 1 abnormally. I transferred 2 beautiful grade 1 embryos in July and came up empty handed. It was our last best hope.
We are trying naturally again...temping, peeing on opk's...you know, all the stuff you do when you first start out trying before you think there may be a problem. We've had no luck. I've never seen 2 lines. I'm not sure that I ever will. But for now, I'm trying. The doctor that I saw in October knows another doctor (not with my clinic) that would do an IVF for quite a bit cheaper than my clinic. I'm going to try and get that accomplished by the end of the year. It won't be easy to save that kind of money since we just bought a new house, but I have to try.
I'm in the 2ww right now, actually. My cycles have been a bit wiggy since my IVF. I used to have perfect cycles with at least 3 days of EWCM. Not so much anymore. It's pretty sad how things have changed for me. But still we move forward.
My blog is about my TTC efforts but it's also about my new house and how that has affected my life. I also write about my step-son from time to time and may start doing it more because it's really hard to be a step-mom. I write about my family and my feelings. Some days are good and some days are not so good. But I do try to stay positive as much as I can because I think it's healthier. But you know what? Sometimes it's too damned hard to be positive, so I just be ME.
Thank you for stopping by, it's always nice to know someone is out there reading along!
So a little about me...I'm 33 and I live in the NE region of the US. I'm on my second marriage. I have a great step-son that is 8. He's with us about 50% of the time. I have been TTC my first child since I was 24 years old and married to my first husband. I suffer from unexplained infertility. It's very frustrating to say the least. My first husband and I did not seek any medical help as I have no coverage for the procedures. I still don't have coverage but we managed to save money (via tax refunds, over-time, paid out comp days and a little help from my parents)for 2 IUI's and an IVF. Obviously I failed at all 3 of them. I recently spoke to a new doctor that believes that I suffer from DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) as evident from my poor response during my IVF cycle. I had 5 follies, 4 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilize normally and 1 abnormally. I transferred 2 beautiful grade 1 embryos in July and came up empty handed. It was our last best hope.
We are trying naturally again...temping, peeing on opk's...you know, all the stuff you do when you first start out trying before you think there may be a problem. We've had no luck. I've never seen 2 lines. I'm not sure that I ever will. But for now, I'm trying. The doctor that I saw in October knows another doctor (not with my clinic) that would do an IVF for quite a bit cheaper than my clinic. I'm going to try and get that accomplished by the end of the year. It won't be easy to save that kind of money since we just bought a new house, but I have to try.
I'm in the 2ww right now, actually. My cycles have been a bit wiggy since my IVF. I used to have perfect cycles with at least 3 days of EWCM. Not so much anymore. It's pretty sad how things have changed for me. But still we move forward.
My blog is about my TTC efforts but it's also about my new house and how that has affected my life. I also write about my step-son from time to time and may start doing it more because it's really hard to be a step-mom. I write about my family and my feelings. Some days are good and some days are not so good. But I do try to stay positive as much as I can because I think it's healthier. But you know what? Sometimes it's too damned hard to be positive, so I just be ME.
Thank you for stopping by, it's always nice to know someone is out there reading along!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A Good Thing?
BJ and I went out to a local bar/restaurant that we stumbled upon a few months ago this passed Saturday night. The first time we went there he found out that the parents of a childhood friend actually own the joint. It's close to home and small and cozy but still fun, just the way we like it. We go once every 10 days to 2 weeks, on weekends when we don't have the the Little Guy and maybe once during the week when we don't know what to have for dinner. They have great mini-burgers there and cream of crab soup! Yum-o! Anyway...we were there Saturday night watching football and BJ was getting his drink on and I even had a tiny bit myself. Please don't judge me as I know I am in the 2ww but after 9+ years, I know the reality of my situation so I'm not afraid to have a drink or 2 during this time. I always feel guilty about it but I also feel bad about giving things up for so many years of my life when there wasn't really a need to. I don't get drunk and if there was a fertilized egg in me, it wasn't even implanted yet as I was only 5DPO. I know it's a no-no, but I wanted to relax a little. I digress...
As we were sitting there looking around at the crowd, we noticed that most of the patrons are younger than us. BJ pointed out to me what a young crowd it was. There were a few people our age or older, but not many. So I had to fill him in on the secret...most people our age have at least one, if not more, kids at home and they don't go out to bars much. If he and his ex were still together, he wouldn't be at a bar on a Saturday night, either. And I said, "the only good thing, if you can call it that, about our situation is that we get to go out when we want." And he looked at me and said, "that's not a good thing". And I had to agree. I'm glad he sees it that way. I told him I'd much rather be at home watching a sleeping baby on our big new ottoman. And then I said, "well really, I should be 6 1/2 months pregnant right now, so I'd be home on the couch with a big belly and probably fall asleep around 9:00." He agreed.
Freedom is one thing and parenthood is another. I've had enough freedom. I want to be home with my baby (or my big belly) instead of out at a bar. I'd like to put the baby to bed and have a beer instead of sitting in a noisy bar watching people get drunk off their asses as the younger crowd tend to do. Maybe one day I'll get to know what it's like to tell our older friends that don't have little kids at home, "we can only go out if we can find a babysitter", or "we have to be home by 10:00 so we can take the sitter home".
Freedom sucks.
As we were sitting there looking around at the crowd, we noticed that most of the patrons are younger than us. BJ pointed out to me what a young crowd it was. There were a few people our age or older, but not many. So I had to fill him in on the secret...most people our age have at least one, if not more, kids at home and they don't go out to bars much. If he and his ex were still together, he wouldn't be at a bar on a Saturday night, either. And I said, "the only good thing, if you can call it that, about our situation is that we get to go out when we want." And he looked at me and said, "that's not a good thing". And I had to agree. I'm glad he sees it that way. I told him I'd much rather be at home watching a sleeping baby on our big new ottoman. And then I said, "well really, I should be 6 1/2 months pregnant right now, so I'd be home on the couch with a big belly and probably fall asleep around 9:00." He agreed.
Freedom is one thing and parenthood is another. I've had enough freedom. I want to be home with my baby (or my big belly) instead of out at a bar. I'd like to put the baby to bed and have a beer instead of sitting in a noisy bar watching people get drunk off their asses as the younger crowd tend to do. Maybe one day I'll get to know what it's like to tell our older friends that don't have little kids at home, "we can only go out if we can find a babysitter", or "we have to be home by 10:00 so we can take the sitter home".
Freedom sucks.
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