Got My Wish...Well, Not Really

She showed up last night about 8:00 or so. She's here. How I wish she weren't. I don't think I've ever gone that long after ovulation before my period started. Plus, my temp was still above the cover line yesterday morning...just barely, but it was still up. This morning of course it's back down to it's usual 97.7 range. I took some motrin this morning to help with cramps and my new symptom...leg pains. It took me about 6 or 8 months to realize that my knees and hips start to ache really bad when AF shows up or is a day away. I usually just attributed it to cold weather, standing or walking too much, things like that. But the last 3 cycles I have actually paid attention and now I know. She has found a new way to cause me pain. Dumb, mean bitch that she is. I'm bummed and so is BJ. He had the same thought I had the other day...wasn't I just on my period? And to top it off, remember the ex sil that is a baby making machine? Well, she's back up on FB. And of course I read through her whole page and everyone was congratulating her on baby number 8. Apparently her husband now has a job. She's about 18 weeks along so she'll be getting the gender scan soon. I was so down in the dumps after reading all of those posts yesterday. If I could just have a tenth of her fertility...

I guess I need to put the blahs behind me and focus on the one good thing of AF showing up. I had a 26 day cycle. Maybe this is the beginning of good things for me. Maybe this means that my body will be a little more predictable. I have to hang onto to something or I will just sit here and wallow and sink into utter sadness. That's not what I want to do and it doesn't accomplish anything good. I will take this as yet another learning experience along the way. As if 9 years of learning experiences wasn't enough.

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BJ and I decided not to go to Atlantic City. We will be making our first mortgage payment today and thought that it wouldn't be a good idea (even though the room is free) to be going to a casino right now. We are trying to find something fun to do for Valentine's Day, though. It's not a holiday that we normally "do" anything for. I usually get a nice card and maybe some yummy chocolates, but we don't make a big deal out of it. The main reason is because his dad died on V-day so it's not a day he likes to "celebrate". I totally understand that. But at the same time, he understands that it's sweethearts day and he still thinks of me so that makes me appreciate the little things he does even more. I still have not found the time to sit down and create his paper album of pictures yet. I'm going to have to close myself in the room this weekend for maybe an hour each day to work on it.

My SIL is still in the hospital. She's not getting worse, but she isn't getting any better either. They have maxed out on her steroids and her breathing treatments. And yesterday, her respiratory nurse suggested she request to see a pulmonologist. I didn't know she wasn't being treated by one of those. It's pretty bad when your nurse thinks you need additional help that your doctor hasn't mentioned. This hospital does not have a great reputation for the best of care. I tried to call her a few minutes ago and she was getting another chest x-ray so I don't know if the new doctor has been in yet to see her. I'm a little worried now. I was ok once I visited her the first time as I thought she looked good and seemed like she wasn't getting worse. But now that a new doctor has been called in makes me wonder what he will find with her lungs. It's very scary. I'm going to think positive thoughts until I know anything for sure. It would mean a lot to me if you would do the same.

Now the Waiting Begins

We actually had "relations" last night, can you believe it? And don't you just love how we IF girls spew the most private of details out where everyone can read about it? So now we wait. And since I ovulated on CD10 I have a bit longer than 2 weeks. I'm going to try and stay positive that we weren't too late or too early and maybe the power of positive thinking will get me somewhere. You know, like off this seemingly never ending road of disappointment and failure.

This morning it was twice as warm outside as yesterday morning. However, it was still only 30 degrees. I'm so done with Winter and cold weather. I'm a warm weather kind of girl, for sure. Living in Southern California for 4 years when I was a kid spoiled me to no end. We actually got some flurries last night that coated the grass and driveway. I'm over the snow. There are still piles of it all up and down the road and in parking lots...it just won't melt. And it's only early January. Yay.

We have been invited to join our friends (one of which will be celebrating his 50th b-day) in Atlantic City later this month. I need to check to see if we can get a comp room because if we can't, then we aren't going. We had fun with them the last time we went...last January...so if we go, I'm sure it will be a good time. Of course, this all makes me think about the last time we went to A.C. and I was stimming and getting ready for ER. Seems like a lifetime ago but at the same time it seems like just yesterday. I guess the emotions are still pretty raw from all of that. That was our last get away that the 2 of us took so we are due for one. We usually go away in September but we were saving for the house so we didn't go anywhere. It's time.

I don't want to use our real names on this blog but I highly doubt that anyone IRL reads it. If they did, I'm sure they would know who we are by what I write, anyway. I'm going to post some pictures of us pretty soon. And I think I might post some pictures of my scrapbooking work. I'm going to make what's called a Paper Album for BJ for Valentine's Day. It's a small paper album (as the name suggests) that has 12 or 16 pages in it. And it comes with paper and stickers for you to do with as you see fit. It's like a greeting card but it's full of pictures. He has framed photos on his desk of us and the Little Guy that are 3 years old. They were professionally taken pictures so they are nice...but they are old. And the people in his office recently said that they are tired of looking at them. :-) So I'm going to select and print some of my favorite group and couple shots of us for this paper album and he can set it on his desk and people can just come by and flip through it. Or he can stand it up and sort of fan it out to let folks see inside. I figure it's better than buying a store bought card and what do you get a guy for Valentine's Day? So that being said, I will have the pictures on a flash drive here at work so I may as well post them, right? I need to get cracking because the best day for me to work on this is MLK, Jr. day and I need to get the pictures printed soon! That way you guys can put a face to the blog.