I Hear Her Knocking...I Think

I think ugly old AF is knocking. My temps have been slowly declining and today the boobs are sore. I don't have the other symptoms just yet, but the boobs are a pretty good indicator of things to come. It's CD26 so it's about time for her to show up. Dumb witch.

The Caps Convention was spectacular. I could have stayed another 3 hours but BJ doesn't like crowds and he's not as into hockey as I am so we cut it short. I was disappointed, but it's all good. I stood in line for about 45 minutes to get Peter Bondra's autograph and I was 2 rows back when they pulled him and made him go to another panel event. I followed him at break neck speed and tapped him on his arm right before he was unreachable and asked if he could sign just one more. He was so nice, he did it and he apologized that he had to leave. It was AWESOME. He is the main reason I am a hockey fan. I was star struck! It's probably a good thing BJ and the Little Guy were standing in a line where they couldn't see me because chasing a hockey player (walking really fast) is not behavior that would have been smiled upon. :-) The Little guy participated in a few of the children's activities...he took a shot on goal with Slapshot (the mascot) tending net, he dressed as a goalie and got pelted with some hockey balls, he took the slapshot challenge and then tried to score a long shot. He's never held a hockey stick in his life so he was a little awkward with it, but he did fine for a first timer. I told BJ that just the Little Guy and I would be going next year and he said that was fine. He's just not into crowds (even though it really wasn't that bad) so I know I'd enjoy myself much more if I didn't have to worry about him getting pissy about standing in line for things. All in all, though, it was a BLAST! I am so ready for hockey season.

After we got home we all went over to Mary's and Steve's house for a Fall Bash they were having. Two of the 3 pregnant neighbors were there. One of them, April, I hadn't met yet. She was the "honeymoon" baby lady. I wanted so badly to not like her, to not even talk to her. Much to my chagrin, I liked her a lot and we talked quite a bit. She's 2 or 3 years older than me and was very pleasant. Of course, I had to stop myself from staring at her belly so much but I enjoyed hanging out with her. BJ could tell I was having a hard time so he didn't ask about the baby at all. Then after we got home, I told him how hard it was for me and it's even harder now that I like her. He said he knew and that he was sorry. He also said that he's not ready for me to go on bcp any time soon. This topic deserves its own post, but as you know, I had set a deadline for myself of my 35th birthday...a short 7.5 months away. I'm glad he thinks that now, but like I said, I need to write a post about this very soon. I have lots to get out and it helps me sort things out to type them here.

Sunday was a chill out day. The Little Guy's mother came and got him early to take him to the fair that we didn't get to take him to due to the rain and so it was just the 2 of us after he left. We went and got 5 Guys for lunch (yummy!) and then took a short nap and headed to our local bar to watch the 'Skins game. It wasn't a good performance by our offense, but we pulled out the win and knocked the "dog killer" (as my neighbor Mary would say) out of the game. We ordered the meatloaf special to go and headed home after the game.

All in all, it was a good weekend. Now I feel that AF is coming to ruin my mood. Damn her. Between her and all this rain and cold weather I feel my mood slipping away anyway. The only thing good about the cool temperatures is that we put the big comforter on the bed last night and snuggled to keep warm. Can't complain about that.

Are You There AF? It's Me, TeeJay

To whom it may concern (AF):

I know you are coming to visit me soon. I saw the 3 spots on Monday. I am sleepy, snippy, a tad over-emotional and definitely bloated. After BJ and I did the deed Monday night, I saw more of you and actually expected you to arrive on Tuesday. Why have I not seen any signs of you since?

Could this be the beginning of my cycle getting back to normal? If you wait until tomorrow to show up, I will have had a 26 day cycle. However, I am 16DPO right now. I don't usually have a leutal phase this long. I ovulated on CD10 for crying out loud. Last cycle I ovulated pretty early too and ended up with a 23 day cycle...not ideal.

But then you know all of this because you like to mess with me, don't you? You like to make me think that maybe, just maybe we got lucky this month. And even though you are giving me my usual PMS symptoms, you are also trying to make me have hope by not showing up. Why do you do this? Once the spotting starts, it doesn't usually stop all together. What are you up to in there?

If there's no baby, please show yourself. This waiting and wondering is not easy on a girl...especially an infertile like me. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of spending my money on a pee stick and then using it and wiping and seeing your ugly face so you might as well get over yourself and just SHOW UP ALREADY.

And if you are going to revert back to a more regular pattern, I actually thank you for that. I could use a little more predictability from you. We have been together for a long time and I would hate to see this relationship go any more down the tubes than it already has over my TTC years.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Sincerely,
TeeJay

PS....please, please, please stay away for 9 months. I'd rather NOT see you show up.