BJ and I went out to a local bar/restaurant that we stumbled upon a few months ago this passed Saturday night. The first time we went there he found out that the parents of a childhood friend actually own the joint. It's close to home and small and cozy but still fun, just the way we like it. We go once every 10 days to 2 weeks, on weekends when we don't have the the Little Guy and maybe once during the week when we don't know what to have for dinner. They have great mini-burgers there and cream of crab soup! Yum-o! Anyway...we were there Saturday night watching football and BJ was getting his drink on and I even had a tiny bit myself. Please don't judge me as I know I am in the 2ww but after 9+ years, I know the reality of my situation so I'm not afraid to have a drink or 2 during this time. I always feel guilty about it but I also feel bad about giving things up for so many years of my life when there wasn't really a need to. I don't get drunk and if there was a fertilized egg in me, it wasn't even implanted yet as I was only 5DPO. I know it's a no-no, but I wanted to relax a little. I digress...
As we were sitting there looking around at the crowd, we noticed that most of the patrons are younger than us. BJ pointed out to me what a young crowd it was. There were a few people our age or older, but not many. So I had to fill him in on the secret...most people our age have at least one, if not more, kids at home and they don't go out to bars much. If he and his ex were still together, he wouldn't be at a bar on a Saturday night, either. And I said, "the only good thing, if you can call it that, about our situation is that we get to go out when we want." And he looked at me and said, "that's not a good thing". And I had to agree. I'm glad he sees it that way. I told him I'd much rather be at home watching a sleeping baby on our big new ottoman. And then I said, "well really, I should be 6 1/2 months pregnant right now, so I'd be home on the couch with a big belly and probably fall asleep around 9:00." He agreed.
Freedom is one thing and parenthood is another. I've had enough freedom. I want to be home with my baby (or my big belly) instead of out at a bar. I'd like to put the baby to bed and have a beer instead of sitting in a noisy bar watching people get drunk off their asses as the younger crowd tend to do. Maybe one day I'll get to know what it's like to tell our older friends that don't have little kids at home, "we can only go out if we can find a babysitter", or "we have to be home by 10:00 so we can take the sitter home".
Freedom sucks.
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4 comments:
Boy, do I understand that. My DH and I already act like we have kids, home on the weekends, in bed early - and we have no reason to! We're ready for that stage, without the needed reason for it. And we always feel that way when we are out too, like we don't fit in with the bar crowd anymore - unless it's the early crowd just there for dinner.
And do not beat yourself up about a drink here and there - think of all those "regular" people who don't even know they are pregnant until they miss their period. They don't even know what a 2ww is - let alone they shouldn't be drinking/smoking/free-basing crack during that time.
We're with you too - and are probably that other 'old' couple in the bar, sadly nursing a drink. I hate that we are all so tied to where we would be if only...
After years of being SUPERSTRICT about not having any alcohol anytime after we start "trying" - so pretty much day 10 and onward, these last couple of months I've actually had one or two drinks during the 2ww. At first, I felt horribly guilty, but then I realized that I have to let some things go. For my own sanity. Shoot, my MIL was drinking nonstop during her pregnancy with my husband and he turned out absolutely brilliant :).
I know what you mean about not wanting the "freedom" that comes with not having kids. We've done the bar thing, the hanging out 'til all hours, the trivia nights, etc. Now, we're ready to do the family thing.
Ugh, how many times have we all heard "You're so lucky that you're able to go out whenever you want" but if you turned around and asked those same people if they'd be willing to give up their kids for an occasional night out, it's of course not.
The funny thing is, DH and I somehow always wind up in the bars with all the senior citizens, haha! It's probably not as bad as drunken, obnoxious 25-year-olds but it is it's own pain to be the youngest ones in the room, all the others emancipated from child-rearing only by age, with their wallets chock full of grandkid photos. UGH!
May 2010 bring you a great reason that you can't go out!
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