What's Happening?

Hi everyone!

Sorry I haven’t been the best at updating lately.  It’s an election year and that means that we are really busy at work so I don’t get much free time.  I will catch you up on what’s been happening lately…bullet style!

·         We are getting ready for the Little Guy to start middle school.  Ack!  He’s not looking forward to his summer vacation ending but I’m hoping that he will start to get excited very soon.  We are going school supply shopping this weekend.  I LOVE shopping for school supplies.  I always have.  There’s just something about folders and notebooks and new pens that get me all excited!  I could spend hours in an office supply store shopping for these things.  He has an orientation day on the 20^th.  They will ride the bus to school and take the tour of their classes and probably get lists of more supplies that are needed and then be home before 12:00.  School actually starts on the 21^st.  We never had an orientation day.  We just had to show up and hope for the best the first day.  No, I didn’t walk to school barefoot in the snow uphill both ways.

·         We were going to go the beach for a few days next week but given my penchant for heat/sun induced headaches we are skipping it.  I’m sad because I really need to get away for a few days but there’s not much to do indoors at the beach.  We have decided to take the LG away in early October to an indoor waterpark for a couple of days. We looked into it for next week but the prices were way over our budget for a 2 night stay so we will go in October when it’s about half the cost.  He was ok with this as he’s never been to the indoor waterpark before.  Score!

·         More people at work are learning about the pregnancy.  I’ve told a couple more people and I think word will start to spread now on its own.  BJ asked me how in the world I can keep it in.  I don’t really know the answer to that.  Maybe it’s the fear or maybe it’s because I like having this wonderful little secret all to myself.  Once people know, the questions and the advice start flying around and I’d rather not be bombarded with co-workers’ advice.  The important people have been told by me and that is what matters.  The others can learn through the grapevine or when they see the belly.

·         I have been bad about keeping up with my beautiful flower garden.  It’s been so hot this summer that going outside has been nearly impossible.  Even most evenings are still pretty warm.  I’m usually out there every weekend trimming roses, cutting back lilies and pulling weeds.  The migraines I get from the heat/sun have won out over my quest for the best looking yard in the neighborhood.  I’m hoping for some cooler weather this weekend so that I can trim things up a bit.

·         BJ finally went back to the doctor about the pains he gets in his side that travel around to his back.  They took some x-rays and noticed that the base of his spine is curving the wrong way.  The doctor wants him to go to physical therapy and try some exercises to strengthen his back to see if that alleviates some of the pain.  His first session was yesterday.  Of course it felt great while he was there and when he left but then later he was hurting pretty badly.  I told him that he probably just worked some muscles that he hasn’t worked before and it will get better.  I hope so as I hate to see him in pain.

·         We are supposed to start clearing things out of the basement this weekend so that BJ has room to start working on finishing it.  (because we’re having a baby!)  I have some things set aside to take to the thrift store but we have quite a bit of stuff to sort through to see what else we can get out of there.  I’m a little anxious to get going on this because I know that once school starts the time will start flying by and then it will be the holidays and oh my gosh the baby will be here shortly after that (hopefully).

There’s much more to write about but for now that is about all I have time for.  I hope you all have a great weekend and I’ll talk at ya later!  (one of my Grandmother’s sayings).  Oh, and I put up a ticker…not sure how I feel about it yet.  Does it make me seem too arrogant or confident?  I’m not sure these feelings will ever go away.  I guess I can thank IF for making me worried about a ticker, right?  *sigh*.

Getting Things Done

My long-time readers will remember that we bought a house back in December of 2009.  This house has 4 bedrooms…a master, the Little Guy’s bedroom, a play/game room for the LG and a spare bedroom that has been turned in to my scrapping room.  This 4^th bedroom was intended to be a nursery and hopefully that is exactly what it will be in a few months.

We have told the LG since we moved in that we were going to fix up his play room.  We were going to get him a new TV, paint, hang up a bunch of sports stuff and make it a really cool room.  Well, we have dragged our feet.  It’s not cheap to buy a new TV and TV stand so we have been procrastinating.  We have also had a hard time finding a TV stand that we like and that will hold the video games and consoles in a neat and orderly fashion.

I’m now pregnant and BJ is anxious (to say the least) to get started on the basement so that we can move my scrapping things down there and turn the room into the nursery.  I told him that there is no way we are starting on the nursery until we complete the LG’s playroom.  I suggested doing it all at once on a weekend that we didn’t have him so that he could see it completed on his first day back at our house.  BJ agreed and we set our plan in motion.  I already had bought quite a few things to hang up in the room over the last couple of years so we were set there.  We bought a TV and actually found a really cheap but perfect TV stand and hid them in the basement.  BJ bought the paint (the same gray we painted our bedroom and a bright orange that the LG had picked out for an accent wall) and we were set.  One Friday after work BJ began taping off the trim and ceiling and we moved everything out of the room and I did almost all the cutting in.  It was a late night for us.  The next morning I got up early and finished cutting in while BJ drank his coffee and then he joined me.  He taped off the accent wall and we starting painting.  We worked all day and into the evening but we got the room painted with 2 coats and it looked great!

Sunday was spent adding all the decorating touches…sticking on the wall decals, hanging the sports pictures, pinning the Ovechkin jersey to the wall, hooking up the TV, hanging the pictures of the LG playing sports, setting his trophies out and making sure everything looked awesome.  The room was missing something so we headed to kmart to see if we could find a sports clock.  No luck, but we found a great sports area rug that we snatched up and added to the room for a final touch.  There are still a few bare spots on one of the walls so we need to get some Orioles things and maybe a few more Redskins items and then we will be 100% finished.  The room looks so great.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so proud of us and how we worked together to make it perfect for the LG.

Monday came and BJ told the LG that we had a surprise for him in his room so he wasn’t allowed to go in there to play.  As soon as I got home from work we all headed upstairs and we did the big reveal.  He was so happy.  He really likes his room and I’m so glad.  I hope that he can hold onto this memory and really appreciate all that we did for him.  And although he probably wouldn’t have said anything to us if we had done the nursery first, I think there would have been an underlying resentment there.  And who could have blamed him, you know?  So now he knows for sure that he is just as important as the new baby and that we worked just as hard for him as we will on the nursery.

I’ll eventually post pictures of the room and pictures of the rest of the house because we have done some work over the last couple of years and I promised pictures a long time ago.

Remembering My Roots

I received an e-mail from a woman who is embarking upon DE for the first time.  She was looking for some help in dealing with the process as she is, very understandably, overwhelmed by the whole thing.

I was happy to respond to her and to try and offer some advice and maybe point out some things that she hadn’t thought of yet.  In doing so, it reminded me of my feelings when we first started down this path.  I must say, things have definitely changed.  And maybe not for the better in some regards.  I will try to explain this as best I can without rambling too much.  Ha ha!

BJ and I decided that we would definitely tell the child about needing an egg donor to make his/her life possible.  This decision was made before I became pregnant.  It seemed very easy…no secrets, no regrets and no shame.  When we started telling people about the pregnancy I made my own decision that I didn’t care if people knew that we did IVF but that the DE portion of it was to remain just with us until the child was older and wanted to tell his/her own story of creation.  BJ had other ideas.  He doesn’t want people to know that we did IVF.  I’ve been asked outright 3 times (aside from BJ’s sister) if we went through IVF.  I told one person the truth but the other 2 I had to lie to because I didn’t want BJ to get mad.  He made his wishes known and I respect them but it has been a bit awkward at times.  Not a huge deal but it might come back to bite me in the ass down the road.  Although, the 2 people that I lied to will most likely not be regular people in our child’s life once the child knows the truth so I guess it’s fine.  This was just something that we should have discussed a bit more thoroughly before it happened.  Lesson learned.

Another lesson I have learned is that it’s very easy to forget that this is a DE child.  Yes, this is my baby and I’m the mother.  There have been times, though, that I have forgotten that I’m not the genetic mother of this child.  And when I remember that, I get scared.  I get scared to tell the child about its origins.  I’m not ashamed of what we have done.  Quite the opposite, actually.  I’m proud of how hard we have fought and the sacrifices we have made to get here.  Infertility is one of the hardest things a couple can endure…emotionally, financially, even intellectually.  I’m just scared that the child will feel differently about how he/she came to be.  I know that our attitude toward DE will greatly influence how the child feels so that is something I will need to remember going forward.  I won’t lie though,  I wish I didn’t have to tell.  I wish that I could continue to live in this blissful world of “normalcy” that I have created for myself.  I never forget that we went through treatments and spent gobs of money and are in debt to my 401k for the next 5 years…those things are easy to remember.  The fact that I’m not the genetic mother is something that I let go of sometimes.  It feels wrong to forget such an important fact but I’m just so happy to be pregnant with this little precious life that I think I let go of some of the pain that IF has inflicted upon me for so many years.  Maybe it’s something like child birth.  Many mothers have said that they forget just how painful it is to be in labor and push that baby out as soon as said baby is in their arms.  I will never forget the pain of IF but I will say that being pregnant eases the memories of the pain.  Does that make sense?  IF will always be with me and it will always be a part of who I am.  This happiness that I feel now pushes the pain from the past to the back burner, thus helping me to forget that this is a DE child.

Forgetting is good in a way because I think it has helped me bond much more with this pregnancy than I was expecting to.  I’ve read some stories where women sort of freak out because they feel like they have an “alien” child growing inside of them.  Forgetting is bad because it makes me not want to tell the child.  I will, of course, but as of right now I don’t really want to.  In my opinion, the consequences of not telling are just too great.  I’m hoping that when the time comes I will be more ready.  Right now I just want to protect and nurture this little life to the best of my abilities.  And I just want to be “normal” and happy.  And if that means from time to time I forget where that egg came from, then so be it.

The Big Baby Store, Maternity Shopping and...Belly Touching?

My husband was very anxious to start looking at baby furniture and gear after our 6 week appointment went well.  Once I graduated to a regular OB it was really hard to hold him back but he even said that he didn’t want to jinx anything.  Well, a few days before our first OB appointment we took the plunge and drove up to Babies R Us.  I had some anxiety, I won’t lie.  It has been about 8 or so years since I stepped foot in that store.   On this day however, it was different.  When we walked in I sort of slowed down and just took a deep breath and scanned the entire store.  It was a bit overwhelming.  I sort of felt like I didn’t belong there, especially when I saw other women with babies and big bellies and such.  We walked over to the stroller section and it felt like I was watching someone else search around.  BJ pulled a couple of strollers down for us to try out and as I was pushing one down the aisle, BJ said, “I know you can’t wait until there’s an actual baby in there.”  We tried several strollers and car seat systems and found 2 that we really liked.  Then we tried to collapse them and open them and figure out all the little handles and knobs.  What amateurs we were.  It would have been obvious to anyone walking by that we are newbies.  It’s been 11 years since BJ worried about strollers and they have changed so much since then.  I haven’t operated a stroller for about 10 years so it was basically all new to me, too.  Then we looked at pack and plays and swings and high chairs and found some that we liked so BJ took some pictures of the tags so we could remember them and do some research.  The furniture section was next.  Man…cribs are so much nicer now!  They are real furniture that you can use for years to come.  The prices reflect that, too.  We walked around and around and around.  We narrowed our search to 2 different sets.  I’m really hoping my parents send us some money or offer to buy at least the crib because we are looking at close to $800 for a crib and dresser.  Ouch.  We browsed some of the other sections and then we headed out.  It felt really good to look at all the stuff but it was still very hard to imagine that we are going to actually need some of that stuff.  I told BJ that I hope we weren’t too cocky and confident doing all of that before our first OB appointment.  As it turns out, we weren’t.  You can’t actually jinx your pregnancy by looking at baby stuff.  Who knew?

I went maternity shopping this past weekend.  Much to my delight, BJ and the Little Guy came with me.  I had mentioned to BJ how I was a bit sad that I was going alone and didn’t have my mom or my step-mom or a grandmother to go with me so I think he felt bad for me.  The first department store’s selection sucked.  I really had to root through their stuff to find 2 pairs of pants and a pair of capri jeans that would fit me.  When I put the first pair on…oh my goodness…I was overcome with pure comfort.  I think everyone should be wearing maternity pants.  I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed that my belly was just hanging out in all its glory and it felt so good to let it do that.  I hadn’t realized how tight my other pants had gotten.  I don’t have a very big bump yet and most people would probably assume I am just a bit chunky in the mid-section.  Let them assume what they want.  My belly is out and happy!  The next department store had an even worse selection so I told BJ that I had to hit the maternity store.  It was like walking into pregnant lady heaven.  The thing that got me so excited?  They had petites!  I’m only 5’2’’ so I need pants with shorter legs so that I don’t have to take everything to get hemmed (I don’t sew) and so that the pants actually fit the way they should.  The Little Guy found it amusing at how happy I was in this store.  I ended up with 2 pairs of pants, a pair of jeans and 2 shirts (one picked out by BJ that I would NEVER have picked for myself but he liked it so I figured what the hell?)  I want to wear these pants all.the.time.  Seriously, they are so damn comfortable.  Although, I’m folding the panel over right now because I don’t really need it to come all the way up to the bottom of the girls, you know?  I’ll get more shirts later as the ones I have now will hopefully last me another month or so until the Fall lines come out.  I don’t want to buy Summer and Fall shirts if I don’t have to.  I’m hoping the Fall selection will include things I can wear during the Winter, too.

After that wonderful shopping spree we had to attend our niece’s 5^th birthday party.  I wrote a little about the party in my last post.  I did not mention this part because it needed its own bit of a post.  My SIL’s mother in law is a wonderfully sweet woman.  We’ve had them over to our house a couple of times and even had them over for Thanksgiving.  We really like them.  I’m going to call the MIL Bonnie.  This is the first time I have seen her since she found out about our little one.  My SIL asked if I could add Bonnie to the e-mail updates that I send out so I did.  She loved the pictures, of course.  As soon as she saw me at the party she came over and gave me a big hug.  It was very sweet.  And then she did what I was not prepared for…she reached down and patted my stomach.  My pudgy-but-starting-to-show stomach.  As she was doing so, she said, “Oh, I know I’m not supposed to do this but I just can’t help it, I’m just so happy for you.”  Yikes.  I just smiled because what else could I do?  She didn’t actually touch where the baby is, she touched up under my breasts but still…talk about awkward.  I know it’s to be expected later in pregnancy, but this early?  Sheesh.  And then later, as I was holding the baby of another IF lady (they tried for 8 years and then had some sort of medical help to get pg) she came by and said, “wow, married 5 years and finally going to have a baby…it’s so wonderful.”  And then then I said, “well, if you count the time I tried with my first husband, we’re looking at about 10 years!”  And the other IF lady said, “we tried for 8 years for this one.”  And then Bonnie said, “well, sometimes when you try too hard…blah, blah, blah.”  I just smiled and nodded.  What I wanted to say was “THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS TRYING TOO HARD.  IF YOUR BODY IS MESSED UP IT’S MESSE UP.  SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET MEDICAL HELP BECAUSE “RELAXING” JUST DOESN’T GET THE JOB DONE.”  But I didn’t say any of those things because she has no idea what we’ve been through and it was not worth trying to explain that relaxing does not work for everyone.  And she meant well so I just let it go with a smile and a nod.

So there you have it…my trip to the baby store, my first experience with maternity shopping and my frightful belly touching incident.  I survived them all and came out the other side just fine!

Welcome to ICLW

Hello and welcome!  If you found my blog through the main list then you know that I am currently just over 13 weeks pregnant via egg donor.  You can read a brief history of my journey on the sidebar to your right.  I’ve waited a really long time to get to where I am right now and I could not be happier to be pregnant.  It’s definitely been a long and rough road but I feel like I’m in a good place right now.  Well, except for those moments when I get scared that something has gone horribly wrong.  Thankfully, those moments are not that common.

I am a step-mother to a great kid that I refer to as the Little Guy.  He’s 11 and going in to the 6^th grade this Fall!  Wow!  He’s growing up so fast.  Step-parenting is not easy.  I love it, but it definitely has its challenges.  I write about that from time to time and would actually like to start writing more about it because it is a huge part of my life.

My husband, whom I refer to as BJ, is almost 40 so this will be our only child together.  We tried for almost 6 years to get pregnant and now that we are I’m seeing a new side of him and I really like it.  I can’t wait for him to hold this baby in his arms.  I just know that I will melt.  I melt just thinking about it.

I had my first trimester screening last week and all seems to be well with the baby.  My blood work came back Friday afternoon and my odds of a Down Syndrome child are about 1 in 490.  I was worried about that because the NT measurement was 2.5mm.  I did some research (I can’t stay off the Internet with this kind of stuff) and as it turns out, the time to start worrying would be if the blood work came back with 1 in 250 or less.  We are almost double that so I’m feeling pretty good about our results.  Plus, our donor was 22 and that helps to ease my mind a bit, too.

We attended my husband’s niece’s 5^th birthday party on Saturday.  My SIL pretty much told everyone in attendance that we are expecting and so the congratulations and the hugs were flying around pretty much as soon as we walked in the door.  It was nice, but very strange to be the recipient of such things after all this time.  I almost felt like asking people to whisper or to not to get too excited because it’s still so early…the Infertile in me tries to take away the good moments sometimes.  I didn’t do any of those things.  I talked about my morning sickness that doesn’t happen in the mornings and how tired I am and how I can’t wait for the baby to move and how I can’t eat white meat chicken or green vegetables…it was surreal to say the least.  I mean, here I am talking about MY pregnancy with other women.  I never thought I’d get this opportunity so I’m relishing each and every moment.

I’m just so amazed that such a medical miracle can take place and even more amazed that God has allowed for me to experience this.  I really hope and pray that things keep going so well because I love this baby more than I ever thought possible.

Please be sure to leave a comment so that I can stop by your blog as well!

Happy blogging and happy ICLW!

Pregnancy Heavy Post - 13 Weeks

This post is going to be very heavy on pregnancy talk (like most of my posts lately), click away if that is not what you want to read today.

Bullet point lists are awesome and cover a lot of ground so that is what I’m going with today.

·         I decided to get the blood work done to go along with the 1^st trimester scan.  I understand that it might come up as a false positive but it was just not sitting well with me that we skipped it.  I had to jump through some hoops and make several phone calls and stop at a lab on my way home from work the other day but the blood has been drawn and sent away for testing.  Thank you all for your comments regarding this screening.  If the results are positive for anything I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  After reading your comments and taking into consideration that the doctor didn’t find anything else that would indicate a problem, I’m really trying to stay positive that the results will be a great big negative.

·         I’ve told some more people in my office about the pregnancy.  Well, actually I showed them the sonogram pictures.  It was great to spread the news some more.  I told the people that I work most closely with (other support staff) and the one lady that suffered 4 miscarriages before having to have a hysterectomy.  I told her via e-mail, after working hours.  I didn’t want to tell her in person because I know how much it would sting and I didn’t want to catch her off guard.  I wanted to give her a chance to cry if she needed or blurt out some expletives in private.  She was happy for me and gave me a big hug when she saw me the next day.  I did not share the pictures with her.  I am going to try and be very sensitive to how much it’s going to hurt her to watch my growing belly.

·         Speaking of the belly…I think it’s starting to pop.  It’s still mushy but I’m taking that to mean that the inside is pushing the pudge further out.  I have definitely noticed that my pants are extremely tight.  I have a hard time buying pants on a normal day so I can only imagine how hard it’s going to be to buy maternity pants.  All the small local stores don’t carry anything so I have to go to the mall Saturday morning to try and find a few things.  I tried looking online but I just can’t buy pants without trying them on.  I have enough shirts right now so they are not a priority.  I just wish my mom or step mom were closer to me so that I didn’t have to go by myself.  My SIL can’t go because she’s throwing our niece’s b-day party Saturday afternoon and I just can’t wait any longer for pants.  I’m excited but it also makes me a little nervous.  I think that is the Infertile’s fear coming out.

·         I rented a home Doppler for 2 months.  The day it came we used it twice.  The first time was to make sure we could find the heartbeat and we did and it was amazing.  BJ does the honors of actually searching around for it.  It took a bit to get used to how slowly you have to move it around.  He found mine twice before finding the baby.  The second time that day was to let the Little Guy listen.  He thought it was “cool”.  We have used it twice since then and the heartbeat is getting easier to find.  The funny thing is that BJ thinks I worry too much but the 2 times we’ve used it since the first day have been his idea.  I was going to suggest it yesterday but before I could, he asked if we were going to listen to the baby.  I like that he wants to do that and that he understands the peace of mind it gives me.  I think seeing the baby on the screen has made him realize how much he loves this little baby and he wants to check up on it as much as I do.

·         I have created an e-mail list of people that have expressed interest in getting baby updates.  People like my parents, my ex-MIL and her SIL (so my ex-aunt-in-law), my SIL, my co-worker/friend and a couple of other people.  I have sent 2 updates so far and the responses have been very positive.  Everyone loved the pictures that I sent around.  My dad forwarded my message to some of our family in MO to share the news and one of my cousins e-mailed him back with how happy she is for us.  Isn’t it amazing how happy babies make people?

·         I’m nearing the end of my first trimester.  WOW….just wow.  Everything I’ve read has said that the sick feelings and the fatigue and the food aversions will slowly start to disappear.  I hope so, but it actually seems that it all has intensified this last week.  There’s more and more I can’t eat and I’m feeling sick for longer each day.  I haven’t thrown up, which is good, but I still feel icky.  I’m happy about it, don’t get me wrong.  I just can’t wait to eat some broccoli again and some chicken breast for dinner.  Green vegetables and white meat chicken have been the worst for me so far.  I actually read that those are the 2 most popular food aversions.  We eat chicken a lot for dinner.  I’ve been able to force half a breast down because I know I need the protein but even that is hard to do.

·         I looked into a prenatal yoga class at the hospital where I will be delivering (OMG, did I just say I’d be delivering?  As in a BABY?  Wow, again) but they don’t have a class right now.  They have to have 4 people signed up and I am the 3^rd.  I’m on the waiting list but not holding out much hope.  I have checked into a couple of places close to work but they are too far from my office for a lunch hour class.  Does anyone have a recommendation for a DVD to do at home?  I used to do Pilates on a regular basis but haven’t done anything like that in a long time so I’d need a beginner workout.  I really wanted to do a class with other pregnant women but it doesn’t look like that is in the cards as there is no other place near my home that offers classes.

·         I’m feeling a bit hormonal which I’m sure is not a shock to anyone that has been pregnant before.  My eyes water very easily these days.  Sometimes, just thinking about the precious life that is growing inside of me brings me to tears.  Typing that sentence made my eyes water.  BJ thinks it’s funny when I get teary at the simplest things on TV.  I’m not used to those moments yet but thankfully they pass quickly.

·         I saved the pictures from the NT scan onto my desktop so that I can open them whenever I want to gaze at that precious little baby.  I even talk to it sometimes.  I know that might seem a little whacky but rubbing my stomach and talking doesn’t seem to cut it for me all the time.  I like looking at the profile picture and telling the baby how much I love it and how I am so excited to give Eskimo kisses to its little nose and how I long to caress that little head while nursing.  My heart gets all fluttery just recapping that conversation.

Ok, so that is where I’m at right now.  This has gotten a bit long so I won’t go into our visit to the big baby store this time.  I’ll save that for another day.  Maybe I’ll group it with my maternity shopping experience that I plan to have this weekend.  Thank you all again for being there for me and offering such good advice and helping me along this journey.  This is all new to me (even though I’ve read countless pregnancy blogs) so experiencing all these things can sometimes be a little overwhelming.  I’m glad I have this space to come to and get advice and support.

12 Week Scan and in Complete Awe

Sorry I haven’t been very good at updating lately. Everything is still going good and I’m still very pregnant. So much so, that my pants are getting pretty darn tight. My belly has popped out a little but it just looks like I need to do some sit-ups. When BJ hugs me he says that he can feel the hardness in my belly. I think that is so cool. I actually experienced that sensation a little today, myself. I was leaning up against the counter and noticed that my belly wasn’t as mushy, it was definitely harder under the pudge.

We had our 12 week scan today that included an NT measurement. BJ came with me and I’m so glad he was able to stay for the whole thing. They were running late (shocker) and he was getting antsy about having to leave. We were called back and I hopped up on the table. The technician checked my uterus and my ovaries first…boring! Then up on the screen came the baby. It was laying there so still I was about to have a panic attack. Then I saw it’s little heart just beating away in its chest (167bpm) and I breathed a sigh of relief. It was short lived because the little bugger didn’t want to move. Then all of a sudden it twitched! BJ and I were amazed to say the least. The tech took some measurements of the NT area and I was trying to watch her lines and the baby at the same time. She marked a couple of different measurements so I was curious to see what the doctor would get when he came in afterward. She measured the CRL and I think it showed me at 12w1or2d. I’m actually 12w4d but I tried not to worry about that. I know it can vary from tech to tech and day to day but still…it concerns me a little. Especially since I forgot to ask her about it when we were finished. She was trying to get both arms and legs but the baby was not cooperating. She shook my belly and I laughed and shook my belly trying to get the baby to wake up and move because she could not see its other arm. Finally, it started twitching around and kicking its little legs (although they look really long) and turning its head from side to side. So cute! I really wish I could feel all of that movement. She finally got the arm measurement she wanted and then up popped a picture of a little tiny hand with 5 perfect little fingers! I almost cried when I saw that image. My baby has little fingers that I can’t wait to kiss and touch and hold. I’m getting teary right now just typing it out.

The tech left and in came the doctor. He tried to get his own NT measurement and wouldn’t you know that little baby would not sit still? We all got a good laugh about the tech waking it up too much. I said, “You know it’s a (insert our last name here) because it’s doing just the opposite of what you want it to do.” I was referring to the baby’s daddy of course. Between the tech and the doctor pushing on my stomach trying to get what they needed my belly was starting to hurt. The doctor’s arm got tired so he rested his forearm on my leg. Then he said, in a very serious tone, “just one more measurement, kid”. I laughed but didn’t particularly care for the seriousness or the tone he addressed my baby with. I guess that’s the mama bear coming out in me. He didn’t mean anything by it and he was quite pleasant but I’m hormonal and THEY are the ones that woke a sleeping baby. Haven’t they seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Rachel woke Emma? Ha ha…yes I’m a F.R.I.E.N.D.S geek.

He finally got the measurement and then asked me if I wanted to get the accompanying blood work done. He said the scan results were normal. From what I’ve read, when he told me the measurement I sort of freaked out…2.5mm. He said the test was 70% accurate. I asked BJ if he was ok with 70% and he said he was so I opted out. Then I came to work and googled. Mistake. We are in the 95^th percentile with that measurement. Very scary indeed. I’m not sure if I should request the blood test or not. I want to believe that the 22 year old egg is fine and that the doctor was right and that everything will be ok. However, I can’t seem to shake the fear. Although, even if this child were positive for DS, I don’t think I could bring myself to abort. Not after all I’ve been through and seeing that precious little human on that screen. The baby was wiggling and twisting and trying to stand on its head in there, just so we could see how alive it is. I’m in complete awe of the life growing inside of me and I’m going to do my best to stay positive and have faith that everything will be ok. Because it will…as long as I can hold a live baby in my arms in January and kiss those little fingers and that little nose and see it looking up at me. Oh I just get so happy when I think about all of that…I’m not going to let that measurement ruin anything for me.