39 Weeks!

Again, I need to apologize for being so absent.  I feel a little overwhelmed with all I want to write and I think that has kept me away.  Not really a good excuse, but that's what I'm going with.  Thank you to those that have prodded me with e-mails...it's nice to know that you are still out there and still interested in reading my updates.  There's so much going on but for now I will just write a pregnancy update and then see where that takes me.  Here's where we stand:

As of my 38 week appointment there had been no progress.  I had been having some braxton hicks contractions on and off and some extra pressure in my abdomen.  I was hopeful for at least a cm or 2.  No such luck.  Plus, at my 37 week appointment I was measuring 36 weeks, no big deal...then at my 38 week appointment I had jumped up to 39 weeks!  No wonder I was feeling more pressure.  Baby Girl had gone through quite a growth spurt.  I told my doctor that I could not physically do my commute anymore.  I told her that I commute to DC (almost 2 hours each way) and that the bus was killing me.  She wrote me a note to get me out of work and I was so relieved.  She told me to walk, walk, walk and walk some more to get things going.  So of course the weather turns cold and rainy as soon as I'm home to take those walks.  Figures.  I walk around the house and I rock on my big exercise ball that I got for Christmas (which I need to write about, too) and I try to stay mobile and busy.  I have started feeling stronger contractions.  I knew these were different because they started in my lower abdomen like menstrual cramps and then my belly would get hard.  One morning I almost started timing them because they were coming fast and furious.  Then they stopped.  I figured it was the start of something good and that at the next appointment things would be moving along.  Not so much.  I hadn't seen any signs of a mucous plug and the contractions were few and far between.  I'm big, uncomfortable and having arguments with myself.  Things like:

me - I just want to go into labor and have this baby and meet her and love her
me2 - don't wish your pregnancy away...it's the only one you are every going to get to experience
me - you are right, but I can't sleep and I ache and I'm ready for her to be here
me2 - yes, but once she's here, you won't feel her moving around in your belly anymore...and you'll be even more tired
me - you're right again...I love having her with me all the time and feeling her move and rubbing my belly.

It's a hard problem to have, right?  I must sound so shallow.  But really, I am not wishing the pregnancy away, I just want to feel better.  I've had it really easy but these last few weeks have been pretty hard on me.  I wasn't expecting to be so uncomfortable.  I do not look forward to getting into bed at night.  Yes, I look forward to sleeping but my bed is my enemy right now.  I have pillows everywhere and can't really find a comfortable way to sleep.  Cry me a river.  Can I just tell you how cool it is to "complain" about the last weeks of pregnancy?  Especially since I have no real complaints other than mobility and sleep.

Backing up a little, we were sent for a sonogram on 12/31 to check Baby Girl's weight.  I didn't expect to see her again until I saw her in person so I was really excited.  BJ came with me and we were just amazed at how big she has gotten since our 20 week scan.  She looks like the Little Guy to me but BJ said he doesn't see it.  She has hair and chubby little cheeks and weighed in around 5lbs, 13oz.  We got a few good pictures of her and it's unbelievable how seeing those pictures made it even more real for me.  I have the huge belly, she moves all the time and our house is ready to bring a baby home any day now but I still have trouble believing that we are having a BABY.  I know it must sound crazy at this point but it's true.  Seeing her on that screen really brought it into perspective...there's a human baby, our baby, that will be joining us on the outside very soon.  It blows my mind that we are here.  Anyway...

I was really hoping for a little progress yesterday at my 39 week appointment but that was not to be.  My cervix is holding onto this baby like fort knox.  BJ said I shouldn't be surprised because I couldn't get pregnant on my own why would I think my body would cooperate come delivery time?  He's right and I told him that I was thinking the same thing.  My body didn't get this way on its own and it appears that it doesn't know how to let go of the pregnancy, either.  I keep telling myself that first babies are often late and many need help coming out.  I wasn't surprised that nothing was happening but I was a little disappointed.

My doctor wants another weight scan (yay!) on Tuesday and then to come see her Wednesday morning at 11:30.  If nothing is happening then I'm off to labor and delivery for some good old cervix ripening gel.  They will monitor me for 2 hours and if things start happening then we stay and have a baby.  If things don't happen after 2 hours then we go home and proceed with an induction the following week...I've already been placed on the waiting list.  Things felt extremely real after my appointment yesterday.  I'm now anxious and nervous and excited all at once.  I'm scared of labor, I'm scared of a c-section and I'm still scared that something could go really wrong.  It's a lot of emotions to experience at once.  Our due date is Thursday so the thought of having her the day before or exactly on that date is pretty awesome.  In the mean time I'm going to continue to walk around the house (because we are having lousy weather) and rocking on my exercise ball in the hopes that we won't need any intervention (yeah, right).

Oh, and we have a name but are not revealing it until she's born.  I learned early on that people are not afraid to express opinions when you throw out some names that you are considering.  And on the flip side, they get a bit offended if you don't love and pick the names they are giving you.  So we decided that once we picked a name it would be a secret.  It was the simplest solution to an issue that was becoming a stressful topic with people around us.  I bought wooden letters yesterday that we will be hanging on the wall in her room.

That's about all for now, I guess.  My wrist is tired of typing and I need to get up and get moving.  I will try to write more about the other things running around in my head very soon because once she's here I have a feeling I'll be even worse with blogging...as if that is possible.  Thanks for sticking around and checking on me.  It really is nice to have all of you out there rooting for us and caring.

Never Safe

I had a whole different post to put up today but changed my mind.

I have 2 pregnancy apps on my phone and both of them have message boards.  I’ve never posted anything but in the beginning of my pregnancy I was visiting those boards about twice a day.  I wanted to read about other people’s symptoms and was really just excited to be able to visit a due date board.  Every once in a while a woman would post about having a miscarriage.  It was tough to read but I did it anyway…just to keep myself grounded and not let myself get too cocky.  I felt horrible for these women and then hoped that it would not happen to me.   After a while I stopped going to the boards.  I felt more comfortable with what I was feeling (physically) and started reading What to Expect.  As much as the book freaks me out it helps me, too.  I visit the boards maybe once a week or so.

I clicked over there yesterday and read a heartbreaking post about a woman (on the January board so within 4 weeks or so of my due date) that went in for her regular check-up and her son did not have a heartbeat.  I was on the bus when reading this and had to fight the tears from coming.  It was a wake-up call for sure.  I know all that can go wrong; I read enough tragic internet stories not to be naïve.  However, reading that post was like a slap in the face.  We are never safe.  There’s no magic that happens at 13 weeks that prevents horrible losses.  A loss can happen any time and without warning.  There’s a blog I read in which a woman went her whole pregnancy with no issues (suffered IF for 10 years and then did IVF) and had to be induced as she was passed her due date.  She had a very tough labor and then upon delivery she had a placental rupture and her dear son did not survive but a few hours after birth.  It’s gut wrenching to read her writing but it’s also very grounding.  We are never safe.

I was bold enough to buy something for the baby this past weekend.  I was at the store and felt this overwhelming urge to do something for my baby…to acknowledge that a baby will be joining our household in January.  I walked the aisles of the store looking for something gender neutral and was feeling disappointed that everything was either pink or blue or just not appropriate.  BJ came across a Redskins bib set and said that I should buy it.  I looked at it and thought it was perfect.  I held it and touched it ever so lightly and decided to buy it.  As we were standing in line I asked BJ if he thought it was too early to buy something and he said that we’ll be buying things in 3 weeks after the anatomy scan anyway so why not start now?  He also said that if it made me too nervous to put it back.  I put the bibs up on the belt and as the cashier scanned them I fought back tears.  They were tears of happiness and trepidation and relief all mixed together.  That night, BJ asked me if I wanted to listen to the baby.  Well duh.  It took him way too long to find the heartbeat but he did at last.  I was about to panic when he finally was able to zero in on the baby.  Both of us were confused as to why it was so hard to find when we had gotten so good at it.  I breathed a huge sigh of relief and I think BJ did, too.  I thought for sure that I had jinxed us by buying the bibs.  I know that’s not how it works but sometimes it’s hard to shake those feelings.  The bibs are sitting on the arm of the loveseat and my heart fills with joy every time I look over at them.  I touch them lightly as I walk by, too.  BJ wanted to hear the heart again on Monday.  I think he was a little shaken by our Saturday night experience and just wanted to check on things.  He said, “I’m going to find him right away this time…he’s not going to hide from me again.”  And wouldn’t you know as soon as the Doppler was placed on my belly we heard the heartbeat.  We were both relieved to say the least.

I thought that I felt a few flutters Friday night and Saturday evening (before the HB detection fiasco) but I haven’t felt anything since then.  I really wish the baby would start kicking with some regularity so that I could stop worrying so much.  I’m 18 weeks today and I’ve read that now is the time when most first timers start feeling those kicks.  After Saturday, I’m a little weary of the Doppler, which is ironic because we rented for peace of mind, not extra anxiety.

I know I have a long way to go and that I’m nowhere near safe from tragedy.  I just have to remind myself that worrying won’t stop anything bad from happening.  Nor will it make something bad more bearable.  I just have to keep hoping and praying that I won’t be one of the tragic stories.  I have to keep praying and hoping that our story will continue to flourish in positive ways.  I need to keep enjoying this pregnancy like I have been because it’s going by so fast for me.  I love this little baby and even though he/she is not here yet, he/she is already a part of our family.  BJ talks to it a couple of times a night and rubs my belly and it’s the best feeling in the world.  Now if we could just coax a few kicks out of our little one that would be icing on the cake.

My Pregnancy 101

I’m going to take some time and document certain aspects of my pregnancy.  This is mainly for me so that I don’t forget things that I’d want to add to a real journal one day and also to help anyone that might be wondering if their pregnancy is normal or maybe some of the things they can be prepared to experience.

Fatigue – the books are not kidding when they say you will be tired.  And I’m not talking tired like you just want to take a nap every day.  I’m talking the kind of tired where you just want to sit and do nothing.  There really is no respite from this kind of fatigue.  There were days I could barely keep my eyes open at my desk while working.  I would take 1 to 2 hour naps on the weekend and still be ready for bed at 9:30.  Just sitting was tiring let alone walking anywhere.  I catch a bus to and from work and making the trek to the bus stop in the afternoon took all the energy I had left.  I napped on the bus before pregnancy but once the exhaustion set in I was sleeping on the bus.  A sleep so heavy that I would dream.  And then I would still be tired after getting home and could barely keep my eyes open watching TV after dinner.  I slept so hard at night that I wouldn’t move.  I’d wake up stiff and sore from lying in the same position all night.  It was unreal.  Thankfully, that part has started to slowly lift.  I still get tired and love my weekend naps, but I’m able to stay awake and socialize with my husband in the evenings now.

Queasies – I don’t think queasies is a real word but that’s what I’m using.  I never really had morning sickness.  My queasies came on right around lunch time and lasted until bedtime.  There were some nights I could only eat a few bites of my dinner.  Nothing tasted good, nothing smelled good and nothing looked good.  BJ would not let me just make something different to eat.  He insisted on trying to please my appetite.  That was not the best course of action because I didn’t want anything that he ever suggested for dinner.  Sometimes, I would take a few bites and really enjoy my food and then all of a sudden a couple of bites later I was spitting it out and pushing my plate away from me.  This was particularly true with white meat chicken and green vegetables.  I could force a few bites down but that was it.  We had grilled steaks one night and I only ate two bites.  I put the third bite in my mouth and couldn’t even chew it.  I had to spit it out immediately.  I’m almost over all of that stuff now, thank goodness.  I’m not “cured” but I was able to eat a full chicken breast last Thursday!  Yay!

Breasts – my breasts started to grow pretty early on.  They were very sore, too.  They are still pretty sore, actually.  I am disappointed that they have stopped growing because I was hoping for some new bras but I still fit in my old ones.  BJ would do the “boob check” every day to see how much they had grown.  He noticed, as did I, that they definitely got harder and fuller.  They aren’t as mushy as before.  I am rocking a pretty nice cleavage these days even if they aren’t as big as I was hoping for.  See, I’m a very small chested girl…34A and I’m probably up to a B cup right now.  I was hoping for some good solid C’s but I don’t think that’s going to be happening.  There have been a couple of times that I’ve noticed I have some dried white stuff on my nipples.  I read that this is normal and may increase as the pregnancy progresses.  It wasn’t much, just enough for me to notice and wonder what the heck it was.

Headaches – I’ve had some doozies.  I actually have one right now.  I found out the hard way that being out in the sun/heat brings on some pretty bad headaches for me.  Although, they have been increasing in frequency this last week and I haven’t been outside much.  A few of them have been migraine strength and have sucked the life right out of me.  The others are tolerable but still very bothersome.  Tylenol barely takes the edge off.  If I’m at home, which I usually am (except today), I put some ice in a baggy and put it on the back of my head.  It helps but doesn’t fix the problem.  I’ve read that hormone headaches are very common, unfortunately.  I hope I can get a handle on them soon and try to avoid any triggers that I know of.

Cravings – I haven’t had any strange cravings per se but I do tend to gravitate toward cold food.  I love cereal and snack pack pudding and cold pasta salad.  Things that are hot just aren’t as good right now.  I also can’t drink room temperature liquids.  Just typing that made me gag.  I drink a lot of water and if it starts to get warm I can’t drink it.  I have to add ice to make it really cold.  I bought a tumbler to keep on my desk to keep my water colder longer.  I also am not that into sodas anymore.  I used to love drinking a diet sierra mist when I got home from work.  Now, not so much.  I drink a little of it and then switch over to water and end up pouring most of the soda down the drain.  The same with my beloved diet coke fountain drink.  I love that soda the most.  Again, I can drink about half of it and then I’m ready to toss it in the trash.  I don’t know if it’s necessarily a pregnancy thing or more of an “I quit drinking it for so long it just doesn’t taste that good anymore” thing.  Either way, I shouldn’t be drinking these things so I guess it’s good that I’m not really indulging too much.  I have allowed caffeine back in my diet, just in very small amounts.  I do love me some tea when we go out to eat.  I’m careful not to drink the whole glass, though.

Weight – I gained about 5 pounds from cycle prep and have since gained another 6.  I’m up 11 pounds since the beginning of February.  Yikes.  I’m not eating a lot more and I’m also not eating a lot of junk but the pounds still seem to find their way to my hips and my butt.  I really didn’t think my hips could get any wider but alas I was proven wrong.  I’m already walking differently because of this change in my body structure.  I’m not waddling (yet) but I am noticing my center of gravity has changed significantly.  I’m on target with my weight right now so I’m not worried but as someone that has struggled with weight in the past, it’s scary to watch those numbers climb.

Sex – I have no desire for sex…of any kind.  Between being the most worn out and tired that I’ve ever been in my life and having nighttime queasies I just have no interest.  Not to mention the fact that I don’t feel sexy at all.  Aside from the larger breasts, the other parts that have gotten larger are not appealing to me so I’m not very quick to uncover them.  We’ve been active, although not as much as pre-pregnancy but it’s definitely something I do to keep the husband happy.  I do not have any desires or needs right now.  I’m hoping the books are right and that things will pick up in the 2^nd trimester because I do miss the enjoyment of being intimate with my husband.

Dreams – the dreams are crazy and pretty much non-stop all night long.  Sometimes I wake up and have to remind myself that it was just a dream.  I haven’t had too many nightmares, thank goodness.  The few bad dreams I’ve had were pretty bad, though.  All of the dreams are vivid and even odder than before I was pregnant.

Hair – the hair on my head has turned into a wonderful mane.  I used to have to wash my hair ever 2 to 3 days or else it looked greasy and nasty.  Now, I can go 5 or 6 days without washing my hair.  It’s so awesome!  Yes, I shower daily I just hate taking the time to dry my hair.  Those precious 8 minutes could be spent on the couch.  :-)  The hair on my legs and underarms is growing faster so I have to shave more but that is not a big deal.  My bikini line has been waxed 3 times since getting pregnant.  The first time was fine, just like usual.  The second time I thought I was being tortured in war.  I didn’t tell the lady (a new lady) that I was pregnant because the last session went fine.  OUCH!  Not only did it feel like she was ripping my skin off, when she was done I was red and sore for several days.  Always tell the lady that you are pregnant.  I went yesterday and told her (another different lady) and she used a different wax and was much more gentle.  I was still a little red but I’m always red the first day.  I’m back to normal today.

That’s about all for now.  I’m sure there will be more later but I think this is a pretty good start to help me remember things.  I know it’s not the most exciting post so if you read all the way through, I commend you!  See you all later!

What's Happening?

Hi everyone!

Sorry I haven’t been the best at updating lately.  It’s an election year and that means that we are really busy at work so I don’t get much free time.  I will catch you up on what’s been happening lately…bullet style!

·         We are getting ready for the Little Guy to start middle school.  Ack!  He’s not looking forward to his summer vacation ending but I’m hoping that he will start to get excited very soon.  We are going school supply shopping this weekend.  I LOVE shopping for school supplies.  I always have.  There’s just something about folders and notebooks and new pens that get me all excited!  I could spend hours in an office supply store shopping for these things.  He has an orientation day on the 20^th.  They will ride the bus to school and take the tour of their classes and probably get lists of more supplies that are needed and then be home before 12:00.  School actually starts on the 21^st.  We never had an orientation day.  We just had to show up and hope for the best the first day.  No, I didn’t walk to school barefoot in the snow uphill both ways.

·         We were going to go the beach for a few days next week but given my penchant for heat/sun induced headaches we are skipping it.  I’m sad because I really need to get away for a few days but there’s not much to do indoors at the beach.  We have decided to take the LG away in early October to an indoor waterpark for a couple of days. We looked into it for next week but the prices were way over our budget for a 2 night stay so we will go in October when it’s about half the cost.  He was ok with this as he’s never been to the indoor waterpark before.  Score!

·         More people at work are learning about the pregnancy.  I’ve told a couple more people and I think word will start to spread now on its own.  BJ asked me how in the world I can keep it in.  I don’t really know the answer to that.  Maybe it’s the fear or maybe it’s because I like having this wonderful little secret all to myself.  Once people know, the questions and the advice start flying around and I’d rather not be bombarded with co-workers’ advice.  The important people have been told by me and that is what matters.  The others can learn through the grapevine or when they see the belly.

·         I have been bad about keeping up with my beautiful flower garden.  It’s been so hot this summer that going outside has been nearly impossible.  Even most evenings are still pretty warm.  I’m usually out there every weekend trimming roses, cutting back lilies and pulling weeds.  The migraines I get from the heat/sun have won out over my quest for the best looking yard in the neighborhood.  I’m hoping for some cooler weather this weekend so that I can trim things up a bit.

·         BJ finally went back to the doctor about the pains he gets in his side that travel around to his back.  They took some x-rays and noticed that the base of his spine is curving the wrong way.  The doctor wants him to go to physical therapy and try some exercises to strengthen his back to see if that alleviates some of the pain.  His first session was yesterday.  Of course it felt great while he was there and when he left but then later he was hurting pretty badly.  I told him that he probably just worked some muscles that he hasn’t worked before and it will get better.  I hope so as I hate to see him in pain.

·         We are supposed to start clearing things out of the basement this weekend so that BJ has room to start working on finishing it.  (because we’re having a baby!)  I have some things set aside to take to the thrift store but we have quite a bit of stuff to sort through to see what else we can get out of there.  I’m a little anxious to get going on this because I know that once school starts the time will start flying by and then it will be the holidays and oh my gosh the baby will be here shortly after that (hopefully).

There’s much more to write about but for now that is about all I have time for.  I hope you all have a great weekend and I’ll talk at ya later!  (one of my Grandmother’s sayings).  Oh, and I put up a ticker…not sure how I feel about it yet.  Does it make me seem too arrogant or confident?  I’m not sure these feelings will ever go away.  I guess I can thank IF for making me worried about a ticker, right?  *sigh*.

Pregnancy Heavy Post - 13 Weeks

This post is going to be very heavy on pregnancy talk (like most of my posts lately), click away if that is not what you want to read today.

Bullet point lists are awesome and cover a lot of ground so that is what I’m going with today.

·         I decided to get the blood work done to go along with the 1^st trimester scan.  I understand that it might come up as a false positive but it was just not sitting well with me that we skipped it.  I had to jump through some hoops and make several phone calls and stop at a lab on my way home from work the other day but the blood has been drawn and sent away for testing.  Thank you all for your comments regarding this screening.  If the results are positive for anything I will cross that bridge when I come to it.  After reading your comments and taking into consideration that the doctor didn’t find anything else that would indicate a problem, I’m really trying to stay positive that the results will be a great big negative.

·         I’ve told some more people in my office about the pregnancy.  Well, actually I showed them the sonogram pictures.  It was great to spread the news some more.  I told the people that I work most closely with (other support staff) and the one lady that suffered 4 miscarriages before having to have a hysterectomy.  I told her via e-mail, after working hours.  I didn’t want to tell her in person because I know how much it would sting and I didn’t want to catch her off guard.  I wanted to give her a chance to cry if she needed or blurt out some expletives in private.  She was happy for me and gave me a big hug when she saw me the next day.  I did not share the pictures with her.  I am going to try and be very sensitive to how much it’s going to hurt her to watch my growing belly.

·         Speaking of the belly…I think it’s starting to pop.  It’s still mushy but I’m taking that to mean that the inside is pushing the pudge further out.  I have definitely noticed that my pants are extremely tight.  I have a hard time buying pants on a normal day so I can only imagine how hard it’s going to be to buy maternity pants.  All the small local stores don’t carry anything so I have to go to the mall Saturday morning to try and find a few things.  I tried looking online but I just can’t buy pants without trying them on.  I have enough shirts right now so they are not a priority.  I just wish my mom or step mom were closer to me so that I didn’t have to go by myself.  My SIL can’t go because she’s throwing our niece’s b-day party Saturday afternoon and I just can’t wait any longer for pants.  I’m excited but it also makes me a little nervous.  I think that is the Infertile’s fear coming out.

·         I rented a home Doppler for 2 months.  The day it came we used it twice.  The first time was to make sure we could find the heartbeat and we did and it was amazing.  BJ does the honors of actually searching around for it.  It took a bit to get used to how slowly you have to move it around.  He found mine twice before finding the baby.  The second time that day was to let the Little Guy listen.  He thought it was “cool”.  We have used it twice since then and the heartbeat is getting easier to find.  The funny thing is that BJ thinks I worry too much but the 2 times we’ve used it since the first day have been his idea.  I was going to suggest it yesterday but before I could, he asked if we were going to listen to the baby.  I like that he wants to do that and that he understands the peace of mind it gives me.  I think seeing the baby on the screen has made him realize how much he loves this little baby and he wants to check up on it as much as I do.

·         I have created an e-mail list of people that have expressed interest in getting baby updates.  People like my parents, my ex-MIL and her SIL (so my ex-aunt-in-law), my SIL, my co-worker/friend and a couple of other people.  I have sent 2 updates so far and the responses have been very positive.  Everyone loved the pictures that I sent around.  My dad forwarded my message to some of our family in MO to share the news and one of my cousins e-mailed him back with how happy she is for us.  Isn’t it amazing how happy babies make people?

·         I’m nearing the end of my first trimester.  WOW….just wow.  Everything I’ve read has said that the sick feelings and the fatigue and the food aversions will slowly start to disappear.  I hope so, but it actually seems that it all has intensified this last week.  There’s more and more I can’t eat and I’m feeling sick for longer each day.  I haven’t thrown up, which is good, but I still feel icky.  I’m happy about it, don’t get me wrong.  I just can’t wait to eat some broccoli again and some chicken breast for dinner.  Green vegetables and white meat chicken have been the worst for me so far.  I actually read that those are the 2 most popular food aversions.  We eat chicken a lot for dinner.  I’ve been able to force half a breast down because I know I need the protein but even that is hard to do.

·         I looked into a prenatal yoga class at the hospital where I will be delivering (OMG, did I just say I’d be delivering?  As in a BABY?  Wow, again) but they don’t have a class right now.  They have to have 4 people signed up and I am the 3^rd.  I’m on the waiting list but not holding out much hope.  I have checked into a couple of places close to work but they are too far from my office for a lunch hour class.  Does anyone have a recommendation for a DVD to do at home?  I used to do Pilates on a regular basis but haven’t done anything like that in a long time so I’d need a beginner workout.  I really wanted to do a class with other pregnant women but it doesn’t look like that is in the cards as there is no other place near my home that offers classes.

·         I’m feeling a bit hormonal which I’m sure is not a shock to anyone that has been pregnant before.  My eyes water very easily these days.  Sometimes, just thinking about the precious life that is growing inside of me brings me to tears.  Typing that sentence made my eyes water.  BJ thinks it’s funny when I get teary at the simplest things on TV.  I’m not used to those moments yet but thankfully they pass quickly.

·         I saved the pictures from the NT scan onto my desktop so that I can open them whenever I want to gaze at that precious little baby.  I even talk to it sometimes.  I know that might seem a little whacky but rubbing my stomach and talking doesn’t seem to cut it for me all the time.  I like looking at the profile picture and telling the baby how much I love it and how I am so excited to give Eskimo kisses to its little nose and how I long to caress that little head while nursing.  My heart gets all fluttery just recapping that conversation.

Ok, so that is where I’m at right now.  This has gotten a bit long so I won’t go into our visit to the big baby store this time.  I’ll save that for another day.  Maybe I’ll group it with my maternity shopping experience that I plan to have this weekend.  Thank you all again for being there for me and offering such good advice and helping me along this journey.  This is all new to me (even though I’ve read countless pregnancy blogs) so experiencing all these things can sometimes be a little overwhelming.  I’m glad I have this space to come to and get advice and support.