·
Smelling (fill in the blank) didn’t make me gag,
the baby’s heart must have stopped.
·
My stomach is still very squishy and soft…the
baby must not be growing.
·
I’ve been suffering a major headache since
Friday evening…the baby’s heart must have stopped and my hormones are
plummeting.
·
I can brush my teeth without having to stop
mid-way through due to excessive gagging…the baby’s heart must have stopped.
·
I slept all night without having to get up to
pee…the baby must not be growing.
·
I’m leaking a huge amount of something…I must be
losing the baby. (No blood or spotting,
just the Endometrin deciding to come out all at once sometimes.)
·
I started reading What to Expect on my Kindle…I
hope I didn’t jinx anything.
·
Tomorrow is my last day on ALL meds so of course
something will go wrong now.
·
I just know that as soon as I tell my parents
about the baby that something will go wrong so I will just keep this HUGE
secret to myself until I hear the h/b at my OB appointment.
·
What if there is no heartbeat at my OB
appointment?
·
What if I have to write a blog post and make all
of my Internet friends sad?
·
I’m a terrible mother already because I have not
been eating nearly as healthy as I should be…what if I’ve already damaged my
baby? That book I mentioned above almost
had me in tears this morning as it was listing how much of each kind of food I
should be eating that I’m not.
·
I also read that I could already have
toxoplasmosis from my cats even though I haven’t touched their litter since
just before transfer. I’m going to ask
to be tested for it at my OB appointment.
Again, how could I not be more educated on that matter?
·
I felt horrible after drinking half of my V8
this morning…the baby must be fine…and not fond of V8.
·
I could only eat half my dinner last night so
the baby must be fine, right?
These are just some of the random/irrational thoughts that
have been going through my head lately.
I have no reason to believe that anything is wrong in there. I also do not dwell on these thoughts. Most of these thoughts are followed up with
“baby’s fine, baby’s fine, baby’s fine.”
I know my last post was pretty similar to this one and I
thank you all for your reassuring words.
I also thank you for your support though this tricky time. I really am ok most of the time. BJ and I started to get the basement cleaned
up because it will need to be mostly finished before the baby gets here. The nursery (holy cow!) will be what is now
holding my scrapping stuff and his hunting stuff so we’ll need a place to put
all of that. We will make a dump run
this weekend and maybe even buy some 2x4’s to start framing. It’s still unbelievable to me that we are
making preparations to bring a baby in the house. I know there is a long way to go and that I’m
still only 9 weeks and 5 days along, but it feels so damn good to talk about
the baby and the changes it will bring to our lives. BJ is already thinking about daycare centers,
gulp. He told me the other day that he
really wants to look at baby furniture online.
I told him he could and then he said that he didn’t want to jinx
anything. I guess men can have some of
those crazy thoughts too.
I don’t really have much to report on the pregnancy
front. I still get an upset stomach at
random times of the day. It happens a
lot at night right before bed. I’ve thrown
up once but I’m pretty sure it was due to the major headache I’ve had since
Friday. Although it’s slowly getting
better. I’m not craving anything
strange. I’ve gained 2.5 pounds so far
but plans are in the works for healthier eating…see above about the book that
almost made me cry. I’m not showing at
all, much to the chagrin of BJ and the Little Guy. Both of them keep asking me when I’ll have a
belly. I’m still pretty tired and of
course the boobs are still hurting. I
stop my Delestrogen and my Endometrin tomorrow.
Scary stuff but I will be glad to be done with the panty liners and the
goo.
That’s about all for now.
I hope to write a real post about something other than pregnancy anxiety
very soon. Hang in there with me…I’m a
pregnant infertile and I have a week to go until my first OB appointment. I bet you can hardly wait. J