I Fell for the Fish

So in an attempt to lose some of this TTC weight/flab that I have acquired over the last year, I have decided to strengthen my will power. I'm actually pretty good at saying "no" to foods I like. I have a very healthy appetite to say the least. BJ jokes with me and says things like "you have a 300 pound woman living inside you" and "where do you put all that food?". It's true, if you were to see me eat dinner you would think I should weigh 300 pounds. I eat pretty sparingly for breakfast and lunch so I'm starving by the time dinner rolls around. I was raised that you clean your plate and since BJ sometimes puts my food on my plate, I feel obligated to eat it. Strange, I know, but true. Plus, I hate throwing left overs away. If there's a few more bits of something, I'll eat it instead of wasting it.

I used to be chunky a while back. I don't like the word "fat" so I use "chunky". I carry most of my weight between my belly button and my knees. I'm built just like my mother. I have petite arms and wrists and and ankles. Some of my weight shows up in my round face...that I get from my dad. I'm 5'2" so every little pound and inch really makes a difference. I was 145 pounds when I went on WW. It took me 6 months, but I lost 35 pounds. I kept it off really well, too, until I hooked up with BJ. Within 4 months I gained 10 of it back. I pretty much stayed there for quite a while...until a year ago when I started treatments. I basically quit exercising and gave in to temptation all over the place. I don't know exactly how much I weigh right now as I don't own a scale (thank goodness) but I know it's more than I want to. I also am a bit flabby in places that weren't so flabby before.

I started doing pilates again last week. I did them 3 times and then this week I have done them 4 times. We have a very small fitness center at work and I go at lunch. I have asked BJ to get me on his membership at the gym so we can start doing cardio 2 or 3 nights a week. I'm still waiting for that to happen. The pilates that I do is a 20 minute workout and it's meant for toning and lengthening muscles. It works as long as I restrict my daytime diet and don't snack at night. Plus, it makes me feel good to be that stretched out and even makes me a little more (ahem) limber.

That brings me to the fish. Our cafeteria has a pretty set menu...Monday - bbq rib day (more like a McRib but I've never had one), Tuesday - turkey burger, Wednesday - hamburger, Thursday - chicken patty, Friday - fried fish tenders. I brought my lunch today...something that I like and that is only 5 points on the WW scale. As I was working out I kept having an argument with myself about what to eat for lunch. I love the fish with french fries. I haven't had it in ages. But I have my perfectly good lunch that I will not feel guilty about eating. I'm sure I will eat a lot of calories this weekend (as I usually do) so I don't need them now. But the fish is so yummy and would really fill me up...the lunch I brought will leave me wanting more. You get one guess as to what I ended up doing.

I purposefully took only the money I needed for a diet soda with me to the gym. So after I fell for the fish option, I had to come back to my desk and get more money to go and get the fish. Unbelievable. I think I need a scale in my house to help me with this but I'm afraid to see what it says. I know that I have at least 5 pounds to lose. I'm sure it will really be closer to 10 once I get on a scale though. Lovely.

On the bright side...since I'm only 4DPO I can't play the "hey, I'm craving fish so I MUST be pregnant" game. If by some miracle it did happen, the little guy/gal wouldn't even be nestled in yet. So I am spared that agony of wonderment. However, I just get to wallow with the fact that my will power needs a power boost.