My Cousin and Flies

My cousin is participating in a charity event for the March of Dimes. He's a real outdoorsman so he's doing a fly-tie-a-thon. He's going to tie flies (for fly fishing) for 9 hours on April 10 in North Carolina where he lives. He is part of a team of folks that are putting this event together.


In case you don't know, the March of Dimes works really hard to help support programs in your community that help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. And it funds research to find answers to the problems that threaten babies.

They are going to sell the flies and the proceeds are going to be donated as well. And any unsold flies at the end of the day are going to be given to Casting for Recovery, a breast cancer charity. Casting for Recovery supports breast cancer survivors through a program that combines fly-fishing, counseling, and medical information to build a focus on wellness instead of illness.

Last year he raised $300 and would like to do better this year. Most of his contributions came in a dollar or two at a time as folks walked by during the festival...this year, he's going high tech. I have posted a link to his website below. If you would like to contribute to this very worthy cause of helping babies, please feel free to click below. If not, no worries. I just thought I'd try to help him beat his record from last year. He doesn't know I'm doing this as he has no clue I have a blog. I'm going to keep it that way.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/twoatlow8


Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

Starting a New Cycle

Today is officially CD1. She showed up this morning on my first bathroom trip. At least she didn't wake me up in the middle of the night, right? I hate her arriving at 2:00 am (or some other unsavory hour of the night) and then having to jump up and run to the bathroom. Not to mention the light has to get turned on as it would not be just a regular bathroom break. Anywho...

If you didn't read my Happiness Is post then you missed the fact that I almost completely forgot about my Clomid prescription! Ack! How does any good IF girl forget something like that? Well, I got that bad boy filled this morning and will start taking it Friday. Maybe we can eek out more than 1 eggie this cycle and get lucky. Keep the fingers crossed for me.

Of course along with AF comes the cramps and the fatigue. I actually fell asleep on the bus this morning. It's a rare occasion for me to sleep in the morning on the bus. The afternoon is my nap time. :-) I took 3 extra strength tylenol this morning and my legs still hurt and I still have some cramping. Will have to break out the motrin in a little while I guess.

We have the Little Guy's first baseball practice this evening. I am getting off the bus at the first stop (oh please let me remember that!) because practice starts at 6:00 and I can make it there by then if I get off the bus a little earlier than usual. I love it that he went straight from basketball to baseball. It's such a busy but fun time of year for us. He's excited about it, too. Especially since BJ has been taking him to the batting cages and he's hitting more and more balls. We just need to work on his catching and his actual knowledge of the game. He's had the same coach the last 2 years (a friend of BJ's) that hasn't really taken the time to teach the game to the kids. Other than to run to first after they hit. So hopefully he'll get some good teaching this year. I try to tell him things but I'm a "parent" so therefore I'm just picking on him and I have no idea what I'm talking about. :-)

I'm going to go outside today at lunch since the sun is shining again and it's going to be in the mid 60's. I love this weather. I can't wait until it gets really warm and I can wear sandals and capris!

Happiness Is...

- remembering that I have a prescription for Clomid! I got it filled this morning and will start it on day 3. Today being my actual CD1...that's not so happy but the fact that I get to at least DO something this cycle (like take Clomid) is happy news for me.

- going to the first baseball practice of the season with the Little Guy! I love it when he plays sports. I'm a sports girl anyway but I love cheering for him and his little teammates.

- the sun shining again today. I've missed it these last couple of days and it's good to have it back.

- waking up with my cat AND her being in a good mood so that I can snuggle with her for a few minutes before we get out of bed. She loves to cuddle in the mornings for some reason and I could lay there for an hour just petting her and listening to her purr.

AF All Over the Place

My title might make you think that I 'leaked' or something, but that's not what the title means. It means that several of the blogs I read (and me) are announcing the arrival of AF or at least the spotting that lets us know she is right around the corner.

I wait for my blogging buddies to post that they POAS or went for a beta and got a positive...or at least that AF is late or showing no signs of showing up. Waiting for posts like that make me very hopeful and excited that I will get to read good news. And from one of the blogs I read (The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow (I hope)) I actually got good news after waiting. But for several others, I was saddened by the arrival of AF.

These times just remind me that I'm not alone. I'm not alone in my suffering, in my sadness, in my disappointment. I'm also not alone in getting my hopes up and being let down. It's such a vicious circle that we endure out here in IF Land. And I wonder when we will all get our tickets off this island? Can I PLEASE be voted off? I will gladly vote off whoever wants to leave this place, which means that I will get a cramp in my hand from writing so many names when I go to Tribal Council.

I had about 4 spots yesterday and so far today maybe another 4. BJ pointed to my lady bits last night and called them 'bad'. I laughed and agreed. And then I asked him if I could punish my uterus by stabbing it like it stabs me during my period. He didn't think that was wise if I wanted to keep living in our house instead of in a padded cell. :-) I really just want AF to show up so that I can be done with her by the weekend. It doesn't help that my temperatures are not cooperating with a timely appearance. I dropped below the cover line Saturday by a tenth of a degree. Since then, I have been at or above the coverline. That's not normal for me. That means that I probably won't hit full flow until tomorrow or Thursday and that stinks. I don't like having my period on the weekend and especially not on our 'free' weekend. Ugh...stupid body.

His comments lately about our time running out are definitely true and solid arguments. I try not to tell him that we'd have a better chance at conceiving if he would do the deed with me more during my fertile time instead of just trying to rely on a 1-shot deal. He doesn't like to hear things like that because that puts pressure on him. When he's under pressure, he can't, ahem...do what he needs to do. That's why I try to hide it from him when I'm fertile. That makes it very difficult to get things going because if I try too hard, then he knows what's up and is resistant. I think it's an ego thing, too. Like "she only wants me for my sperm, she's not really hot for me right now". That kind of thinking probably messes with his head and makes him not want to get naked with me. When you think of it like that, I guess I wouldn't want to get naked with me, either. I want to yell at him "Hey! The only way to maximize our chances is to do it 2 to 3 days IN A ROW!". But I can't. That will turn him off and probably make him quit trying. He's fragile that way and will not be told when he has to have sex.with.his.wife. He wants a baby, don't get me wrong. But he doesn't want to work for it the same way I do. And that's not a bad thing, it's just a very inconvenient thing. And it can get very frustrating to say the least. So, when he says that we need to get this show on the road, I don't think he realizes how important his actions are to that show.

Wow, I didn't mean to go down that road, but it all just sort of came out. I don't want anyone to think my dear hubby is not committed to TTC. He is. He's just not used to all the not-for-fun sexy time and he doesn't respond well to schedules. We do what we can and we hope that it's enough.

Around and Around We Go...

Three posts in one day...wow, that must be a record. I wanted to welcome everyone to ICLW and do a Happiness post AND a regular post so you are stuck with 3 entries. :-)

I got my hair highlighted Saturday morning. I told the girl what I wanted. She didn't really do what I asked. BJ said that it didn't really look like she did much to the top, as in I still have some pretty dark roots. The reason it looks like that is because she lightened all my hair...so the stuff at the bottom that was already light, is even lighter and the dark stuff at my roots is a little lighter but not much. Ugh. I wish I knew where my regular hair girl was. I know it's petty in the whole big scheme of things, but it's my hair and I look at it several times a day and I don't really like it right now. In about 8 to 12 weeks I'll be going through this all over again when it's time for a cut and color. I bet you can't wait!

I started spotting this morning. I'm a little bummed. Hell, I'm a lot bummed. I was really hoping that something would be different this cycle since we hit the peak time better. I guess it's just onward. Although BJ made another comment about how old he is getting and how we need to get this show on the road. Like I'm not trying. I made him aware of how I realize our clocks are ticking.

We went to a birthday party Saturday afternoon. It was for one of BJ's friend's daughters...she turned 18. And she ran out and got a tattoo before the party. She's a sweet girl and I hope she stays that way. Thankfully no one asked me when we were going to have kids. I was worried, especially since there was a baby there. And even more thankfully, no one asked me if I wanted to hold the baby. Go me!

Sunday was spent looking at patio furniture and pansies. I had no idea how expensive patio furniture is. Even at the "mart" stores. We are going to hit Lowes next weekend because there wasn't anything we really wanted. We need something for the deck (table and chairs) and a couple of chairs for the front porch. We found pansies and then I planted them in our 3 big pots and set them on the porch steps. It was so good to get my hands dirty and sit outside (barefooted) and plant flowers. I can't wait until they finish our yard so that we can really start planting things. The weather was absolutely beautiful both days. We had the windows open and grilled out Friday night and last night...it was great. I love this time of year.

I went to see BJ's doctor (mine is located where we used to live and I didn't want to drive all the way down there so I decided to switch to BJ's long time PCP) Friday afternoon about my hips. Basically, he's a little worried about me. He said that I should not be having this type of pain. He sent me right over to x-ray. Of course I have a small panic attack as I'm walking over there because AF has yet to arrive and they want to x-ray my hips and pelvis. But then I think to myself, "self, why do you even think this will be a problem? you are irritable, bloated and tired...you are not carrying a child in there." And it's a good thing because I went ahead with the x-rays. The tech asked me if there was a chance I was KU and I said no. She asked me if I'd had tubal ligation. I almost laughed. I replied no again. I was getting ready to yell at her that I'm Infertile if she asked me again. If I really thought I was pregnant there is NO WAY that I would have done the x-rays that day. But I had all the signs of AF being just a few days away so I knew I was safe. I also have to have a bunch of blood work done which I will do this Friday. I then go back to see him on 4/6 to see what he has to say. He can't tell much just by talking to me and moving my legs back and forth. I don't know why not. :-)

That was my weekend...low key but very pleasant with wonderful weather. All in all, it was a great weekend. And now on the worst day of the week, AF starts to make her appearance...along with a HUGE thunderstorm out side. It all sort of fits. Mondays are just putrid anyway, then AF starts to show up and it's storming outside....fits my mood perfectly today.

Happiness Is...

- planting pansies...purple and yellow ones...in my big 3 pots out on our porch. They are so pretty and I hope they make it for a while yet. I'm not a big green thumb but I do like to grow things.

- wearing shorts and no shoes or socks while outside. I must have been outside yesterday for about 2 1/2 hours with no shoes on...it was great. My feet are cold all winter and it was glorious to NOT have cold feet yesterday!

- thinking forward to my day off next week. I have a doctor appointment (endocrinologist) and have to wait around for the HVAC guys...but I won't be getting up early and going to work...yay!

- a great weekend with the husband and the Little Guy. We grilled Friday night (steaks) and yesterday (bbq bacon hamburgers) and just enjoyed the weather and hanging out together outside.

Welcome ICLW'ers!

I can't believe it's that time again...my how things fly! You can read a little about my journey in my side bar but in a nutshell...I'm 33, on my second marriage, step-mother to an 8-year old boy and have been trying to conceive my first child for about 9 years now. I've never been diagnosed with anything other than being a poor responder so no one really knows why I'm not able to get pregnant. I went through 2 IUI's a year ago and did my one and only IVF in July of last year. Obviously, none of it worked. So now we are out of money for ART and trying things the old fashioned way. Because let's face it, the old fashioned way has worked wonderfully thus far. :-)

For anyone that is new to the blogging world, I say a big WELCOME! It's nice to have you here. Anything that will strengthen our support system is A-OK in my book. And that is what the blogging world is, support. It's also very understanding and sympathetic and knowledgeable and just plain wonderful. We are here for each other in good times and in bad. Comments are definitely the new "hug".

So welcome aboard! I always love new faces and finding new blogs to read.