I'm so ready for the weekend. And this is after I was off on Wednesday. I have Spring Fever like no one's business. I can't wait for the 55 degree weather with the sunshine that is forecast for us. I'm so over Winter.
I had my ob/gyn annual on Wednesday. I was feeling pretty darn lucky that I didn't see any preggos in the office. What a relief. There was only a 17 year old girl there for her first pap. Her mom recognized me from the commuter bus we ride and spilled her guts. I'm sure her daughter was mortified. Poor thing.
I went in and was weighed and was very surprised that I didn't weigh nearly as much as I thought I did. I'm still a lot flabbier than I want to be, but at least the number was lower than I expected.
When my doctor came in she asked me what was going on. I proceeded to tell her that I'd like to take 50mg of Clomid next cycle and she asked me why. I told her about the failed IUI's and the failed IVF. I also told her that while I thought Dr. M was very nice, I don't feel like he (or anyone) tried to figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant. They just wanted to lump me in with other "cases" and "typical numbers". She said that she didn't want me to think that just taking Clomid would work. And I assured her that I had no illusions but that I needed to feel like I was doing something. She agreed to write the script. What confused me was that she wants me to take it on days 5-9 instead of days 3-7 like I have previously. I didn't ask her why at the time and I could kick myself for it. I haven't had the chance to search google for the difference, either. Maybe some of my well versed readers could help me out with that one. She didn't seem to be concerned with my new lighter and sometimes shorter cycles so that's good. All in all it was a good appointment and I'm glad I asked her for the drugs.
We are taking the Little Guy to get him signed up for baseball tomorrow. Then he has to get all new baseball gear as he grows like a weed and will need new stuff. He then has a b-day party to go to in the afternoon. Then on Sunday he has his last basketball game. It will be a busy weekend again for us. I'm looking forward to being out and about and wearing a light jacket instead of my Winter coat.
I'm on CD9 today and I poas (the opk kind) and got the faintest of second lines. I'm thinking that means I'll be O'ing sooner than I did last cycle. It's always nice to be fertile on the weekend. I'm hoping that I'm far enough away from peak so that we can have fun tonight and Sunday...that would be perfect timing. But knowing my luck, we will DTD tonight and I'll get a positive tomorrow and be SOL. Keep your fingers crossed that I don't get a positive tomorrow...that it holds off until at least Sunday. We'll be alone Monday night and we tend to be more frisky when we are alone. wink wink.
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Happiness Is...3/2/2010
* my Kindle. You will see that here a lot. I love it to pieces. It's my escape into another world without being a cumbersome burden with actual (gasp) pages to turn and weight to carry around. I can't thank my husband enough for it.
* the Little Guy making his first basket during a game on Saturday. I yelled and cheered and so did his mother. Then we said to each other, "man, we are loud". But it was great.
* laughing hysterically at my beloved the other evening. Allow me to set the stage. We were on the couch watching TV and he needed a snack. He had just gotten out of the shower so he was in very clean clothes that he intended on sleeping in. He grabbed a small container of mandarin oranges and sat down and began pulling the top off. Some of the liquid came out right on his belly. I just chuckled at that point and tried to tell him to be careful pulling the rest off but before I could, he dumped about 2 tablespoons of the liquid as he pulled the lid off. I burst out laughing while trying not to. He just looked at me in disbelief...of his "accident" and the fact that I was laughing so much. He told me I was about to wear some of it too, if I didn't pipe down. I couldn't help but keep laughing and he relented and just laughed too.
* my husband telling me that it's ok to go and talk to that doctor that our tax lady recommended. He said that if we get back 80% then it can't hurt to go and talk to him and have him review our/my records. Of course, any tests are probably out of the question. It can't hurt to have a sit down, though.
* the show Chuck. It's a show that we watch with the Little Guy and that he actually pays attention to. It can sometimes be a little over his head and a little inappropriate for his age, but all in all it's a good show that we like to watch together. I actually had my heart strings tugged on last night's episode.
* the Little Guy making his first basket during a game on Saturday. I yelled and cheered and so did his mother. Then we said to each other, "man, we are loud". But it was great.
* laughing hysterically at my beloved the other evening. Allow me to set the stage. We were on the couch watching TV and he needed a snack. He had just gotten out of the shower so he was in very clean clothes that he intended on sleeping in. He grabbed a small container of mandarin oranges and sat down and began pulling the top off. Some of the liquid came out right on his belly. I just chuckled at that point and tried to tell him to be careful pulling the rest off but before I could, he dumped about 2 tablespoons of the liquid as he pulled the lid off. I burst out laughing while trying not to. He just looked at me in disbelief...of his "accident" and the fact that I was laughing so much. He told me I was about to wear some of it too, if I didn't pipe down. I couldn't help but keep laughing and he relented and just laughed too.
* my husband telling me that it's ok to go and talk to that doctor that our tax lady recommended. He said that if we get back 80% then it can't hurt to go and talk to him and have him review our/my records. Of course, any tests are probably out of the question. It can't hurt to have a sit down, though.
* the show Chuck. It's a show that we watch with the Little Guy and that he actually pays attention to. It can sometimes be a little over his head and a little inappropriate for his age, but all in all it's a good show that we like to watch together. I actually had my heart strings tugged on last night's episode.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Just My Luck
BJ and I had our taxes done Saturday. The good news is that we qualify for the moving up credit. The bad news is that we were about $1,000 shy of being able to write off our medical expenses. And I say that it's the "bad" news only because I'm bitter that I didn't get a baby out of it and that I wanted some of the money back. I think it's only fair...whether you pay $20,000 for 6 tries in the shared risk program or if you pay $8,000 for a one shot deal, we should get some of our money back for not getting the product for which we paid. Whatever. I should just shut up and be glad that we qualified for the housing credit.
As we are sitting there going over our medical amounts with the tax lady (this is the 3rd year she has done them for us) she sees the total and says "are you guys trying to get ill on me?" and I responded with "no, we were trying to get a baby." She nodded and did the "ahhh" thing and continued with her work. BJ went on to say what a racket he thought the whole place was and I defended the clinic (although I don't know why) while she punched in the numbers. When she was finished, she looks at us as serious as can be and says to me..."you need to stand on your head and you (looking at BJ) need to just drop it in." We laughed because what else is there to do when someone makes a comment like that? She then proceeds to tell me a story about how she went through years of testing and prodding trying to get pregnant and then she stumbled upon this doctor. He said she had "hesions" in her uterus, did a D&C and put in an IUD for 6 months. He took it out and told her to "stand on her head and have her husband drop it in" and wouldn't you know she was KU within 6 weeks?
Of course, I had to look him up. BJ and I found him online yesterday and he told me that I needed to give him a call today. So I did. And wouldn't you know that he doesn't accept any form of insurance and an office visit for a new patient is $250. I was thinking that I could maybe talk to him and see what his thoughts were on my case and see if he had an opinion since he specializes in infertility testing. I know the whole "standing on my head" thing is a crock, but the guy has been around for over 30 years and he's been all over the world and, like I said, he specializes in infertility testing. I can't spend $250 on an office visit and then pay out of pocket for anything he'd want done. I could get reimbursed 80% from my insurance for any tests, but infertility testing is very expensive and I just can't spend that kind of money right now. This blows.
So, first we don't qualify to have our IVF written off our on our taxes and now I can't even get in to see this guy and see what he thinks. Just my luck.
I did tell BJ that I'm probably going to ask my regular ob/gyn for clomid. He seemed ok with that. I think he's thinking what I'm thinking...we have to try something that doesn't cost us hardly any money because we don't really have the money to spare right now. If we didn't need a lawn tractor and a shed to put it in then maybe we could do an IVF, but alas...there are real life things that we need to spend our tax refund on...can't go throwing money into the wind on hopes and dreams anymore. Been there, done that. The hopes and dreams are still here but we have to be responsible with our money. Responsibility sucks.
As we are sitting there going over our medical amounts with the tax lady (this is the 3rd year she has done them for us) she sees the total and says "are you guys trying to get ill on me?" and I responded with "no, we were trying to get a baby." She nodded and did the "ahhh" thing and continued with her work. BJ went on to say what a racket he thought the whole place was and I defended the clinic (although I don't know why) while she punched in the numbers. When she was finished, she looks at us as serious as can be and says to me..."you need to stand on your head and you (looking at BJ) need to just drop it in." We laughed because what else is there to do when someone makes a comment like that? She then proceeds to tell me a story about how she went through years of testing and prodding trying to get pregnant and then she stumbled upon this doctor. He said she had "hesions" in her uterus, did a D&C and put in an IUD for 6 months. He took it out and told her to "stand on her head and have her husband drop it in" and wouldn't you know she was KU within 6 weeks?
Of course, I had to look him up. BJ and I found him online yesterday and he told me that I needed to give him a call today. So I did. And wouldn't you know that he doesn't accept any form of insurance and an office visit for a new patient is $250. I was thinking that I could maybe talk to him and see what his thoughts were on my case and see if he had an opinion since he specializes in infertility testing. I know the whole "standing on my head" thing is a crock, but the guy has been around for over 30 years and he's been all over the world and, like I said, he specializes in infertility testing. I can't spend $250 on an office visit and then pay out of pocket for anything he'd want done. I could get reimbursed 80% from my insurance for any tests, but infertility testing is very expensive and I just can't spend that kind of money right now. This blows.
So, first we don't qualify to have our IVF written off our on our taxes and now I can't even get in to see this guy and see what he thinks. Just my luck.
I did tell BJ that I'm probably going to ask my regular ob/gyn for clomid. He seemed ok with that. I think he's thinking what I'm thinking...we have to try something that doesn't cost us hardly any money because we don't really have the money to spare right now. If we didn't need a lawn tractor and a shed to put it in then maybe we could do an IVF, but alas...there are real life things that we need to spend our tax refund on...can't go throwing money into the wind on hopes and dreams anymore. Been there, done that. The hopes and dreams are still here but we have to be responsible with our money. Responsibility sucks.
Thank You
Thank you, once again, for being there. For reading. For understanding. For just being you. I've received some of the kindest, most welcomed comments this week...especially on my FB ranting post. And to answer the main questions of "why not just hide her"...she's my ex-sil and I still feel pretty close to her. She means no harm, she's just so wrapped up in her own world that she doesn't stop to think about how her actions may affect others. Almost everyone that she is "friends" with has kids or is pg so she lives in a totally different world than I do. Although I know she knows that her brother and I were never able to conceive....she just doesn't think about that. She even changed her profile picture to her u/s picture. Anyway, enough about her. Thank you to all of those that stopped by for ICLW and left great comments. I'm sorry that we are all living in this IF world, but at least we have each other.
I was also given a couple of awards and I will post about that in a day or so. I have some other things I want to get out in the open first, but I didn't want to just skim over that. So thank you very much Patrish and AnxiousMummyto3 for my awards. I will do a better job of accepting them shortly. I appreciate every and all readers so know that I am honored to receive these awards.
I was also given a couple of awards and I will post about that in a day or so. I have some other things I want to get out in the open first, but I didn't want to just skim over that. So thank you very much Patrish and AnxiousMummyto3 for my awards. I will do a better job of accepting them shortly. I appreciate every and all readers so know that I am honored to receive these awards.
An Award? For Me? Awww Shucks....
I have received the Happy 101 Award from AnxiousMummy...thank you so much! The rules are pretty simple:
When you receive the Happy 101 Award, you have to list 10 things that make your day and then list 10 blogs worthy of this award as well. Post a link to the blogs you nominate, and make sure you let them know that they have been nominated!
Here are 10 things that make my day:
1 - I love it when the sun shines. I love the warmth it brings to the day and to my insides.
2 - I love an ice cold fountain cola in the morning.
3 - I love it when my cat comes running to meet me at the door in the evening.
4 - I love laying in the bed with my husband for a minute or two before I have to rush to catch my bus in the morning.
5 - I love it when my husband suggests spaghetti for dinner. I'm a pasta freak.
6 - I love it when the Little Guy gives me a big hug for no real reason.
7 - I love a hot bubble bath in my soaking tub.
8 - I love my little cat naps on the bus in the afternoon. They may only last for 20 minutes, but it feels really good to just escape for that little bit of time.
9 - I love it when my husband sends me an unsolicited "I love you" text.
10 - I love snuggling with my husband in bed after setting the timer on the TV for 30 minutes and then the cat jumps up and lays next to me for the night...sweet dreams.
And here are 10 blogs (in no particular order) that I love reading for many different reasons, but mainly because I have come to care about what happens to these women in their journey of life.
1. Peanut Noodle
2. Babies everywhere...but none that call me mama
3. Conceive this
4. Cats with passports
5. Wait, what?
6. Slice of pie
7. Life and love in the petri dish
8. Gracie in Brooklyn
9. Remember all the way
10. I've got news for you
I do need to warn you, some of these bloggers have found themselves, shall we say...in the "family way". Just wanted to let everyone know in case you clicked on one of them for the first time and they are discussing their pregnancy. Just wanted to let it be known that I do, actually, keep reading blogs after the BFP. :-)
Friday, February 26, 2010
FB Rant
I only have 1 person on FB that keeps announcing pregnancies and babies and can't stop talking about how all of her kids (soon to be 8) are just the best blessing from God and how being a mommy is the greatest thing in the world and on and on....wretch. I have other "friends" that talk about activities for their kids and wish them happy b-days and post cute pictures. I don't mind these posts as much.
I just logged in and found out the sex and the name of the newest baby from this person. People can't stop raving about all her little angels and how much she is blessed with her gifts from God. Ok, I get it. And I know that children are gifts from God to be relished and doted on. But what a slap in the face.
Am I NOT blessed because I can't have babies? Do I NOT have any gifts because I can't get pregnant? I typed out this status update:
I might not have any kids, but I'm still blessed by God.
And then I erased it and logged out. I'm chicken shit to post anything like that. Mainly because she would know it's directed at her and I don't want to hurt her feelings. She can't help it that she is the most fertile person to walk this earth. And I know she's a good mom and loves her kids and they are great kids so she should be proud. Also, I'm not ready to "out" myself because I'm sure there would be questions as to why I would post such a thing and why don't I "just have a couple" so that I can find out what real blessings are? And so on and so forth.
Ugh....so frustrating.
I just logged in and found out the sex and the name of the newest baby from this person. People can't stop raving about all her little angels and how much she is blessed with her gifts from God. Ok, I get it. And I know that children are gifts from God to be relished and doted on. But what a slap in the face.
Am I NOT blessed because I can't have babies? Do I NOT have any gifts because I can't get pregnant? I typed out this status update:
I might not have any kids, but I'm still blessed by God.
And then I erased it and logged out. I'm chicken shit to post anything like that. Mainly because she would know it's directed at her and I don't want to hurt her feelings. She can't help it that she is the most fertile person to walk this earth. And I know she's a good mom and loves her kids and they are great kids so she should be proud. Also, I'm not ready to "out" myself because I'm sure there would be questions as to why I would post such a thing and why don't I "just have a couple" so that I can find out what real blessings are? And so on and so forth.
Ugh....so frustrating.
Happiness Is...
I'd like to start doing a post (at least once a week but ideally several times a week) about things that make me happy in a given day (time period). These things will be listed in no particular order and will help remind me of everything that I have to be thankful for and everything that actually goes "right" in my life. The term "Happiness Is" comes from a song I remember from my childhood with the same name. I don't remember all the lyrics but I remember that "happiness is different things to different people" being a part of the chorus so that is what I chose as my title for these posts.
Happiness is...
* my snow boots that I bought in September. I got them from the Bass Pro Shop in the little boys section. The Little Guy has the same pair, just a different size. I figured it was pretty pointless to buy them but they were only $40 so I figured if I even got to wear them once, I'd be happy. They have turned out to be the best winter clothing purchase I have ever made. With all the snow we have gotten this winter they have kept my feet warm and dry (a first for me in the winter) on so many days. I can even play in the snow in them because they are so high and water proof.
* sleeping in 10 minutes this morning. It might not seem like much to some, but I have such a hectic morning schedule (especially when we have the Little Guy to get to daycare) with trying to catch my bus and be a good wife and make a lunch and get coffee brewing that I savor any extra sleeping time I can get. Since it's Friday I decided to catch a few more zzz's since I knew traffic would be lighter and I could catch a later bus.
* watching the Olympics with the husband and the Little Guy. I love sports but the husband is usually reserved to just watching our favorite home teams play. So the fact that I can get him to watch skiing, snowboarding, international hockey and even ice dancing is quite the accomplishment. And we have an American to root for in a majority of the events so he feels like he IS watching a home team.
* a diet cola in a cup with ice. I love a fountain cola and we have a fountain at work. However, we recently (to be more green) switched to recycled plastic cups from Styrofoam. The cola just doesn't taste the same. So now, I buy a bottle and put ice in a cup (or a reusable mug) and savor it that way. I love my diet cola.
Happiness is...
* my snow boots that I bought in September. I got them from the Bass Pro Shop in the little boys section. The Little Guy has the same pair, just a different size. I figured it was pretty pointless to buy them but they were only $40 so I figured if I even got to wear them once, I'd be happy. They have turned out to be the best winter clothing purchase I have ever made. With all the snow we have gotten this winter they have kept my feet warm and dry (a first for me in the winter) on so many days. I can even play in the snow in them because they are so high and water proof.
* sleeping in 10 minutes this morning. It might not seem like much to some, but I have such a hectic morning schedule (especially when we have the Little Guy to get to daycare) with trying to catch my bus and be a good wife and make a lunch and get coffee brewing that I savor any extra sleeping time I can get. Since it's Friday I decided to catch a few more zzz's since I knew traffic would be lighter and I could catch a later bus.
* watching the Olympics with the husband and the Little Guy. I love sports but the husband is usually reserved to just watching our favorite home teams play. So the fact that I can get him to watch skiing, snowboarding, international hockey and even ice dancing is quite the accomplishment. And we have an American to root for in a majority of the events so he feels like he IS watching a home team.
* a diet cola in a cup with ice. I love a fountain cola and we have a fountain at work. However, we recently (to be more green) switched to recycled plastic cups from Styrofoam. The cola just doesn't taste the same. So now, I buy a bottle and put ice in a cup (or a reusable mug) and savor it that way. I love my diet cola.
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