8dp5dt - Bullet Updates!

- I’m not feeling anything new. I’m still having the twinges and the cramping in my uterus on and off. The breasts are still tender, about the same, really. I started to have a little CM yesterday but I know that doesn’t mean anything one way or another. I am, however, feeling pretty emotional these days. I know I’m pumping hormones into my body so it doesn’t surprise me too much. I just feel extra weepy and it’s pretty easy to tick me off right now. Both are signs of a period but could also mean something else…if you get my drift.


- BJ asked me last night when I was testing and I explained to him the planning work that I’m doing today and tomorrow and how it’d be terrible to get a bad test result right now. Plus, my birthday is Friday. He said it made sense to wait until Saturday, if I can. That’s the thing. Can I wait until Saturday? We shall see.

- I really don’t like coming to work these days. There’s been a shift of power in our office and it has not had good repercussions at all. People that I thought were friendly enough to have my back have shown that they are the ones I need to protect myself from. It sucks.

- My behind is so damn sore. Don’t get me wrong, I hope I get to keep taking everything for several more weeks (until I’m weaned off with a healthy pregnancy) but man oh man do I hurt sometimes. And it’s now getting to the point where the area is so sore that the needles are hurting more and more. I’ll endure it, but just so everyone out there knows, it sucks to have to go through this.

- I’ve received some very nice comments lately. I’ve heard from my regular followers/pals and I’ve started to hear from some Anonymous readers as well. I read a comment the other day that brought tears to my eyes. I’ve pasted it here so you all can read it, too. I am always amazed at the support this web community can bestow upon total strangers. It’s wonderful, really.

The days of my kids being little are long over but please know, you have so many anonymous people, along with your followers, pulling for you and praying for you. You deserve this so much and I am sending good thoughts your way! I don't follow your blog but I do pop in and I am hoping so strongly that I get to read a post on your positive results very soon!!!

- No big plans for Friday (the birthday) other than getting my license renewed. Woo hoo! Exciting stuff. Our anniversary is Sunday (5 years!) so hopefully we’ll eat out somewhere nice. Of course there is always yard work to be done. But I’m glad to have it because that means that my flower garden is thriving.

- My Caps lost in game 7. I was very sad but I think they deserve a lot of credit for playing as hard as they did. They fought tooth and nail for every victory and just came up a little short. Poor guys.

I guess that’s about all for now. If I break down and test before Saturday I will be sure to post the results, good or bad. You guys will likely know before BJ. :-) Fingers crossed that it’s good news and that I’m just not feeling a whole lot right now and maybe it means I’ll have a simple pregnancy! I know that’s asking a lot but I gotta go big or go home, right?

8dp5dt - This is Different

I know I said I wasn't testing until tomorrow but I couldn't help it.  Let me explain my weakness.  I started getting a headache yesterday afternoon.  The kind I get about 2 to 3 days before my period starts.  I actually still have it today.  I also felt some very different kind of twinges in my abdomen yesterday afternoon.  It definitely wasn't my ovary as it was lower and more centered.  At that point I really didn't know what to think.  Many women complain of the twinges and the pains and for a lot of them it really is their uterus working away at sustaining and embryo.  I am of the state of mind that those twinges are caused from the extra E2 I'm putting in my body to MAKE my lining thicker than usual so of course I will feel it twinging and pulling, right?

On a whim I stopped in at the drugstore on my walk to work from the bus stop.  I bought a cheap store brand 2-pack of tests.  The one that is supposed to be as good as the name brand test that can detect a positive up to 5 days before a missed period.  I didn't use FMU.  I just wanted to put myself out of my misery so that I can get on with my life.  So I peed on that stick.  And after I washed my hands I picked it up and took a deep breath because I KNEW what I would be seeing....nothing.  But that's not quite what I saw.

I was in disbelief and my breath got caught in my throat.  Don't worry, I don't really believe it.  It's a very faint line and you probably can't even see it in these pictures.  It's probably an evaporation line or the last of the HCG exiting my body or the by product of a very cheap test.  However, I can't help but wonder if it's real.  My heart is wanting to jump all over and do cartwheels but my head is strapping my heart down in a straight jacket at this point.  I don't want anyone getting too excited over this.  I just was so shocked to even see that faint of a line that I had to share with all of you.  I've never even had an evap line to get excited over.  I've only ever seen the blank white window staring at me.  So now I am even more anxious to get tomorrow's test over with.  I need to get out of this limbo pattern so I can figure out the rest of my life.

Please don't send me comments with encouragement to believe this.  Please send me level headed, let's wait and see comments, ok?  My fragile emotional state will not be able to handle anything else.  And I might be the only one seeing this second line anyway.  I just checked it again (it's been about an hour since I tested) and it's so light, at 8dp5dt it should be much darker if it's a true positive...I'm sure it's just an evap line or a bad test.