The New Plan

My wheels began to turn the minute BJ said he wanted to move forward with DE. The main thing stopping us has been money. We were going to get a pool this year (it’s been on hold for 2 years) for the family to enjoy. It was a guaranteed expense with a guaranteed outcome and years of enjoyment. The whole reason we needed a house with a big back yard was for the pool. The LG wants one like no tomorrow. He talks about it often, as do the rest of us. So when BJ said that we would scrap the pool it was a very big deal in our house. Of course the LG is not yet aware that he will not be getting a pool. On the off chance that we do not get a baby out of this, we get our money back and will put it towards a pool.


The decision was made to move forward with the shared risk program at our clinic. We pay a fee and we get 6 fresh and any frozen cycles until we take home a baby. If we do not take a baby home (not even going there) then we get our money back. Now, to come up with a plan to get the money.

The majority of the money will come from my 401k. In order to be able to pay the loan back (because I only get 5 years to do so) I will have to stop contributing. Not the wisest financial move but like my husband said, a baby is more important than my 401k right now. We will take a small amount from our savings account, a small amount from my credit union account (ok it will wipe that account out) and hopefully the rest will come from our tax refund. If it ends up not being enough then I will have to humble myself and ask my dad for any remaining funds that are needed.

I called the clinic the very next morning to tell them our plan. We can’t move forward until we have a meeting with Dr. M. That meeting will take place on January 31. I also put myself on the waiting list in case he has a cancellation. They gave me a temporary password to look through the data pool of potential donors. I found one I loved. I wrote her file number down so I could show BJ that evening. Wouldn’t you know she was already taken by the time I got home? Wow. And can I tell you how strange it was to be looking at these baby pictures and reading all of these traits about these women? More on that another time.

That is where we stand right now. I’m waiting, not so patiently, for the 31st. I’m also freaking out that they will find some way of telling us that we don’t qualify for the shared risk program. The ONLY way we can do this and the ONE stipulation that BJ gave was that we had to have a guarantee this time. I don’t blame him. I can’t throw more money away on hope anymore.