CD8

Today is CD8. I will start my opk'ing today...in about an hour or so. I don't think I'll see a positive since it's only CD8, but I figure that it can't hurt to get an early start seeing as how I have ovulated on CD10 before. I hope not to ovulate that early this time, but there's nothing I can do about it so I'll just start peeing in the cup and dipping my stick a little early this cycle.


About a month ago, BJ and I went to his niece's birthday party. She turned 3. I love her dearly and she is just as sweet as can be. BJ's sister's husband has a pretty large family. His nieces and nephews are all grown and starting to have families of their own. They were all there at the party. His nephew's wife is pregnant...about 8 months along. This will be their 3rd child in 3 years. Somewhere down the line, I lost count of how many they had. It was funny because there was this 1 year old little boy running around and I had no idea who he belonged to. When it was explained to me, I felt defeated. I kid you not, there were 5 toddlers at this party, all around the same age, all 3 and under. Everyone was so happy to play with them and hold them and make them laugh...it made me so sad. BJ and I should have a baby to add to the mix, but we don't. This was the first time in a long time that I felt like I needed to leave the room. It was so overwhelmingly claustrophobic in their basement that I thought I would have to go hide in the bathroom for a while. I didn't, of course. I just stuck close to BJ and the older kids and did my best to ignore everyone else, for my own sanity. Well, my SIL took notice. She asked me if I was ok and I told her yes, I'm fine. It's not like I can just spill my guts right there in front of everyone. Who needs the drama, the tears, the pity, the embarrassment?? Not me. Well, she sent me an e-mail last week asking again about my mood at the party. So I let it all out...how my heart aches and breaks because I can't and probably won't have a child of my own and how I was just surrounded by happy babies and parents and a very pregnant woman. I told her that I was usually better at hiding my feelings and I guess I need to make sure that I do hide my feelings because I don't want to offend anyone. She never responded to that e-mail. I'm not sure she read it as she has been having a lot of Internet issues lately and when we were over there this passed Sunday, she didn't mention anything. I guess it's better that way but it would be nice for her to say something in response to my outpouring of emotions. Oh well....water under the bridge I guess.

I took a break while typing as I had a staff meeting to attend and took the opportunity to POAS of the opk kind. It was negative but I will test again later this afternoon. My LH surge does strange things. BJ and I did the deed last night so it would be great to get a positive either tomorrow afternoon or Thursday, if I must be early. If not early, then it would be great to get that positive Saturday! We have the Little Guy this weekend, but Saturday sex is almost a given in our house. :-)