CD2

You read that right...I'm on CD2. No 2 lines. No baby. Actually, no lines at all because I didn't test, but you get the picture. Another failure. It's never ending. And it sucks donkey balls. I had a 26 day cycle which is good. Ovulating on CD10 is not so good, but whatever.

I went to see my cardiologist Monday afternoon. I'd been having chest pains. I kept this fact from BJ as he worries a lot about my health. I had a bout of chest pains about 4 years ago and it wasn't my heart. I went through all the stress testing and it was something that could be handled with Motrin. The pains this time were just like those pains. I'd ignored them for quite a while but when they started happening every day and more and more times during the day and night, I figured I should get it checked out. The pains are not debilitating and I don't lose my breath or get dizzy or anything so I was pretty sure it wasn't actually my heart. I had been under quite a bit of stress at work lately and so I was hoping it was not connected. I told BJ that I made the appointment and he was not happy that I didn't tell him what was going on but he was glad that I made the appointment so quickly.

My heart is fine. Other than the monthly aching when my period shows up. I have a viral inflammation around the outside of my heart. I have to take Indomethacin for a while and go back in a month to see how things look. I had an EKG and an echo done. While the doctor was doing the echo he was making me nervous because it took a long time. I guess he was just doing a good job of investigating. Then came the kids question.

I had seen him 4 years ago and he knew I had no children. So he asked me if I'd had any yet. I said my usual answer these days, "no, we tried and it didn't work, so no kids for us." He was very intrigued so he asked more questions. I told him about our IVF and the length of time I had been trying (with both husbands) and how I felt I was never tested enough and that I was thrown in with the rest of the crowd because they just tried to fix me instead of figure out the problem. I was almost in tears talking to him. He finally was quiet and then said this..."well, you never know...you could get a very big surprise one day." Really? That's your solution? I humored him and agreed that yes, sometimes it happens and blah blah blah. And then he said that he's seen it happen. Ok well, I only have until May of 2011 to get this done so maybe HIM saying it will make it happen. Please note the sarcasm in my tone.

On to other things. My Smokey is sick. She's my older cat. I don't know what is wrong with her. I took her to the emergency vet Monday night and they found nothing. She won't eat her food. She won't drink. She just lays and wants to hide in corners or under furniture. She hacks likes she wants to throw up but nothing is coming out. I got her to eat some chicken last night but then after a few bites she just spat it out. She walks really slowly and doesn't even hardly defend herself when Gizmo runs up on her play. The doctor said that she had a bit of gas built up in her intestines and to give her Pepcid for it over the next few days. I have given her 2 doses so far and it's not easy. I tried to force some water in her with a syringe but that didn't work great, either. I'm really worried about her and I hope that I see an improvement this evening. She won't even come out and greet me. It's very sad. BJ even feels bad for her. Since I don't know how mobile she has been, and the last thing I need is for her to use my carpet as her litter box, I took her down to her "toilet" this morning. She peed and then she pooped one lonely little turd. It wasn't runny and it didn't have any blood in it. I'm at a loss. If not for her hacking and gagging I would believe the doctor. If she's not any better tomorrow morning I'm going to take her to the vet, not the Emergency one. I can't stand seeing her like this. And I miss my Smokey.