Negative Nelly

Ok, so I know that I can't rely completely on OPK's but this is getting ridiculous. I have tested about every 12 hours (and not with FMU) for days now. I STILL have not seen a positive. I decided to quit testing. I don't know if it's me or the tests that are wacky. The last test I took was yesterday morning. The "test" line was as dark as it should be but the "results" line was half dark, half light. WTH is that? I give up on them this cycle. I still have a few to use and if I have a normal cycle I'm probably going to get some of those neat little "dip-strips" from the good 'ol Internet. I can't take all of these negative tests.

BJ and I had an unsuccessful attempt at some babymaking Friday night. Not sure what the problem was, maybe just too much pressure or something. Whatever. We skipped Saturday night because we actually went out with friends that we haven't seen in about 6 months. He did some drinking and it got late and we had to come home and basically go right to bed because he had to be up at 6:30 for a golf outing. But last night was fun! I'm sure he'd kill me for spilling our beans like this to all of you, but hey, if I can't divulge our most intimate details with perfect strangers...most of which are nameless and faceless...then WHO can I confide in? I'm on CD17 so I don't know if last night was any good as far as babymaking goes but it was fun, and not scheduled, so that made it worth it.

It was so nice to go out with our friends. We actually thought we had done something to alienate ourselves because we haven't heard from them. I'm the type of person that won't be a pest and keep calling people and such. So, we stopped hearing from them and I just sulked about it and missed them. Well, come to find out (by chance) that their youngest daughter (20) had been hooked on drugs and they have been dealing with all of that mess. They are good people and they have good kids so for something like that to happen is a travesty. We reconnected (of course now that we are moving) and it was really nice. I haven't been dancing in so long that I almost forgot how. We had such a good time that we didn't want to leave but of course of all things BJ had to play golf Sunday. It was a work sponsored event so he couldn't really get out of it. You know, a "networking" event. I got so much packing done while he was gone and I had the house to myself. I work much better on my own in that sense.

We are scheduled for our final contract signing to get things going on the new house Thursday. I'm very nervous about it. This is a very big event for me and we've already had some headaches dealing with it. Can't wait to see how the next 5-6 months go.

In closing, I want to say how unfair I think IF is. I read 2 of the saddest posts last week about lost pregnancies. As if this struggle to have a family isn't hard enough, why does it have to be so torturous for some? I would post the links to the blogs so that you could offer support and kind words, but I'm too "green" to blogging to know how to do it right. I apologize for that. But say a quiet prayer for Mo and Susan when you can. Their hearts are broken and it just plain sucks.