Ho Hum

I'm feeling a bit ho hum today. Not sure why...maybe it's the Monday Blues. I've been a long time sufferer of the Monday Blues. Mondays have always been a bone of contention with me. I have a really hard time sleeping Sunday night because of Monday anxiety. I've been this way since I was a kid. No real reason, just hate the "going back" feeling I guess.

I didn't order my test strips and pre.seed until this morning. I picked free shipping so it might not all get here in time for this cycle, but since I'm temping I'll at least know if/when I ovulate. I wake up so many times during the night that I don't know if my temps are accurate, but it's all I have to go on since I'm not being invaded by the camera wand anymore.

BJ and I had a nice time when we went out this weekend. We went Saturday instead of Friday. His old hang out was not the same and we stayed for just one drink and a game of pool. A game at which I really suck at but enjoy playing anyway...most of the time. We then went to a restaurant/bar closer to home and had a good time because it was Karaoke night! Yay! I love listening to other people sing, even if they aren't any good. They usually pick songs that I know and sometimes even like. So I get to sit on my bar stool and sing along and feel pretty good about myself. I'm pretty sure I'm tone deaf but I LOVE singing anyway. BJ actually ran into the son of the owner of his old hangout. It was a nice evening. We then proceeded to go home and partake in some buzzed up physical fun. Well, he didn't really have a buzz because he was the driver, but I was pretty lit up. :-) Why does alcohol make things so much more fun?

One bit of good news is that when I went to see my doctor for my follow-up to the famed ER visit I was weighed. Yes, I said "good" news. I am only about 1 or 2 pounds heavier than when I was weighed last which was in early April. Hot damn! I was certain I had gained almost 10 pounds with the whole IVF thing. Not so. I'm still going to try and take off a few pounds and tone up my troubled flabby areas. That in itself will take me months. I'd like to lose 8 pounds but I know that is not possible while still eating meals with BJ and the Little Guy on the weekend. I do good during the week but the weekend kills all my efforts. I hate having to think so much about what I eat and how much. But I was not born to be one of those kind of gals that just gets to eat whatever and never worry about where the pounds and flab are packing on.

I'm on CD 8 today which means, according to history, that I will most likely ovulate Friday or Saturday of this week. Hope I get my pee stick opk's by then. And of course, the Little Guy is with us this weekend so the BD'ing won't be as easy to plan or execute. I will make the best of it somehow. I want to at least feel like I have a shot this cycle. Although, the more I think about it and ponder it, the more I think I have bad eggs and who is to say that I will ovulate a good egg or even an egg at all? I hate this back and forth I play with myself over whether or not I even want to keep trying knowing that out of 5 follicles I only had 2 (supposedly) good eggs that fertilized correctly. Makes me want to ask my OB/GYN for a prescription of Clomid. At least I know that I respond well and will have a good chance at a mature egg. I'm not scheduled to see her again until February. Maybe I'll give her a call. Probably not. I'm just so ho hum about the whole thing sometimes. I go from being really excited to be really hopeless about it. I'm moving forward and that is a good thing.