Like Wildfire...

After our great appointment on Tuesday, I went against my better judgment and decided that it was ok for us to start telling people.  BJ said he was going to put it on FB after he privately told a few people.  That meant that I had to tell my neighbor/friend that I think is infertile before he splashed it all over the internet.  She was getting ready to leave for Aruba and I didn’t want her to see it there first because I do consider her to be a friend.  I started sending her texts about her trip…when was she leaving?  Was she packed?  She was in the process of getting her toes done so she was out in public.  I felt terrible about breaking the news like that.  It had to be done because my husband is the most impatient person I’ve ever met.  I broke the news as gently as I could.  I’ve always thought she was either infertile or that her husband refused to have kids.  She plays it off that she has never had a desire to have them but is completely in love with her nephew.  She takes oodles of pictures of him and brags about him and goes to see him and has made multiple scrapbooks of him.  I’ve never come out and asked her about it because I hate it when people do that to me so I have just always let it be.  She responded to the text with pure enthusiasm.  She said she had tears of happiness for us and that I am her 3^rd friend that is now pregnant.  She asked some questions about how I’m feeling and when I’m due and all that good stuff.  She then asked if it was a surprise.  I told her that it was not a surprise because we had to do IVF but that we are probably keeping that to ourselves (BJ’s request).  I then steered the conversation back to her trip and told her how excited I was for her and that we have lots of catching up to do when she gets back.  I didn’t want to take away from her fun, you know?

After that, BJ and I started sending private FB messages and text messages to people that we felt deserved to find out before he plastered it all over FB.  We went to dinner and our phones kept going off with alerts of congratulations and all the appropriate responses.  Of course, some of his friends were picking on him because of his age but he took it in stride.  At dinner, I decided to get a crab cake sandwich.  I love crab cakes and the picture looked so good.  When it was delivered to our table it had the strongest seafood odor I think I’ve ever smelled.  I had to sit there a minute and try to get used to it.  Then I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and take a deep breath.  When I got back to the table I took one tiny piece of the crab off the sandwich and ate it.  Big mistake.  I couldn’t eat anymore.  I thought I was going to get sick.  It’s a good thing I was able to eat the majority of the BBQ wings I ordered before the crab cake came out.  What a waste of money and food.  Oh well…it’s for a good cause, right?

After we got home from dinner our neighbors came over and we all sat outside on the porch talking about everything baby.  It was so strange to be so open about being pregnant and talking about daycare and my maternity leave and if we’ve thought of names yet.  It was like a foreign language to me.  It was one thing to talk about all that within the privacy of my own home but to be so candid about it out in the open was, well, strange.  It felt really good, really, really good.  At almost 9:00 that night BJ posted on FB that he was having a baby and that his wife is 11 weeks pregnant (2 more days until 11 weeks but close enough, I guess).  And the comments and the “likes” came rolling in.  I told him not to tag me because I don’t want my work knowing yet.  Talk about a bombshell.  I’m not sure I was ready for that but what’s done is done.  I will not be making a FB announcement.

Wednesday morning came and it was time to call my parents.  I had already sent my mother a text and she responded so all that was left was my dad and step-mom.  I had butterflies in my belly making the call.  They are the only ones that know that we did DE and so I was a little worried about how they might react.  We did some small talk about the weather and then I asked if my step-mom was with him and asked him to put me on speaker phone.  I told them that BJ and I are having a baby in January.  They were very happy and pleased and excited and all the things they should have been.  My step-mom got a little emotional which in turn caused me to get a little emotional.  I heard something in the background and asked them where they were.  They were at the local home improvement store!  How funny is that?  I’m on speaker phone talking about my pregnancy and anyone walking by can hear me.  I thought it was pretty funny.  My step-mom said she would be writing me a letter because she was too emotional to talk at that time.

I felt the weight lift off of me after that phone call.  And then I felt some dread.  What if we have to tell all these people bad news?  Everyone is so happy right now and it’s all sunshine and roses and pixie dust.  I can’t imagine spreading sad news at this point.  I don’t want to let myself imagine it.  I’m not living in a dream world, either; I just don’t want to think about the negative.  So for now, it’s all positive thoughts.  And to help keep my sanity between appointments I have ordered a rental Doppler.  It should be here Thursday.  I haven’t told BJ yet.  Although when I showed it to him online he said he was surprised that I hadn’t ordered it yet…I wouldn’t want to disappoint him.

So the cat is out of the bag and I’m still feeling very pregnant so that is a good sign.  Another good sign?  I survived a visit to the big baby store without one panic attack.  I’ll write more about that another time.  Just know that going to the store does not spell the end for baby.