It Doesn't Get Easier

As hard as I may try, it doesn't get any easier to go on month after month and keep up the faith and the hope. It's hard for so many reasons but mainly because I know the outcome. It's hard to get passed the fact that I've been trying to get pregnant for over 9 years. And in those 9 years I've had regular periods, ewcm, temperature spikes. I know that my body is doing what it is supposed to be doing. Well, except for the not getting pregnant part. The only explanations are either bad eggs, crazy unknown hormone issues or a lining issue. Knowing that doesn't make things easier.

As many of my regular readers know, we moved into a new house in a new development last December. Other than the people right next to us, no one on the cul de sac has children. It's odd because you would think that a cul de sac would be ripe for families and those planning on families. That's why we picked a lot there. The first people to live on the cul de sac are older than us and I've only spoken to the husband, Paul once or twice. I have waved to the wife, April as she walked her dogs. There are more dogs in our circle of houses than kids, funny, I just realized that. Anyway, Paul and April just got married in March. One of them has a son that goes to college. And when I say goes, I mean that he lives at college. BJ was watering the lawn yesterday and talking to the lady right next door to us, Kim. Paul came by with the dogs. Kim asked why she/we haven't seen April out and about lately like we used to. I was inside and BJ tells me all of this when he comes in. Paul's answer...."April's pregnant. It's not something we planned for right now...not that we weren't going to try. But we weren't expecting it this soon. She's due in December so it's basically a honeymoon baby. She's been really sick and having a very hard time of things lately." And I said to BJ, "of course she's pregnant...I mean they just got married in March, right??" And then I told him that it never gets easier to hear these announcements. He agreed with me. I wish he wouldn't have told me. I wish that I would have just seen her with a belly down the road. Oh well.

And to make matters worse...Kim knows of BJ's and my struggles with IF. Not all the nitty gritty but I told her that we tried and failed with IUI's and an IVF. So when she stops by to get her son (he didn't want to walk with her so he hung out with us) she blurts out Paul and April's news. As if my own husband weren't going to tell me, she felt the need to let me know. How f'ing sweet of her.

In cycle news....I'm not temping this month. Things haven't gotten off to a good start so I threw it out the window for this cycle. I had some ewcm yesterday, which is odd because it was only CD7 so I decided to test with an opk today. It was negative. Ovulation should occur this weekend....of course we have the Little Guy so who knows what will happen in our house as far as sexy time goes. I'm going to try and get some tonight (sounds very frat boy, doesn't it) so at least if it happens early, I'll be covered.

I will post about our new kitten, Gizmo, either tomorrow or early next week. He is one of the reasons my temping is not happening...he likes to keep me awake at night.

I will try and return to my normal blogging pattern very soon. I'm just still not feeling quite like myself. I appreciate each and every one of your comments and it's comforting to know that you are out there. Ya'll are great.