I did some thinking last night and I wanted to do a follow up post to my post from yesterday.
After thinking about it, I decided that I sounded very self absorbed and insensitive when I made it out to sound like unexplained IF is harder on a person than having an actual diagnosis.
I didn't mean to come off like that. I think that ANY type of IF sucks ass. And NONE of it is easy to deal with. Not being able to get (or stay) pregnant is one of the worst things that can happen to a woman and her partner. No matter the reason.
I was trying to point out that I feel jipped by my diagnosis. I feel that there IS a reason but that no one has cared enough to try and find out why. I have not had any blood work done other than CD3 and basic monitoring pre-IUI and IVF. I'd love to know what my progesterone levels are after ovulation. I'd love to know if I have a lining issue. I'd love to know a lot of things but no one (at the time) took the time to do the research on/for me. I was lumped in with everyone else. They just wanted to get me pregnant...not figure out if it's even possible to do so without more help.
Anyway, I just wanted to reiterate that I don't think I'm worse off than anyone else. We all want babies and are having a helluva time obtaining our prize. And the last thing I would want to do is offend someone looking for some support and a kindred spirit.
And on a side note...I spotted yesterday afternoon and evening. And I've been feeling a little crampy. What is THAT about?
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8 comments:
I know what you mean. I haven't had much testing this time around, but I had more done when I was going through this in my previous marriage. They tested my progesterone after ovulation (when I was on Clomid), but they wouldn't tell me what it was. Honestly, other than the few basic tests they did, it seemed like they were out of ideas. I've always wondered if I had a lining/implantation issue, but I think only a few places will really look into that. I think the thing that's hard about having an unexplained diagnosis is that it feels like treatment is a stab in the dark - which is not very encouraging. It's also hard to know that there must be something going on, but no one can figure out what it is. I keep thinking that the field just hasn't advanced enough yet.
You're right, though - unexplained or explained - it's all hard.
Anyway...good luck! :)
No need to apologize or explain - I do think unexplained is a sucky diagnosis. It just means "the doctors don't know" or "medicine is not advanced enough to discover what is wrong with me, but how much money gets spent on research on male impotence drugs??" Sigh, it is frustrating.
I was "unexplained" for a long time... and it does suck. But now that we have a potential reason... it hasn't been any better. I thought "if we had a REASON we would know what to try!" or if to stop trying... but once our reason (chromosomal inversion) was overcome, something else popped up. Dammit.
You're right that it all just sucks. Boo hiss to infertility!
Sorry I missed your last posts, but wow has it been crazy around our house!
I think I would have a seriously hard time with an unexplained infertility diagnosis. Mostly b/c I think it's a crock of sh*&. Obviously, there is a reason - they just haven't found it yet. Is it a breakdown when releasing the egg, when egg meets sperm (or doesn't), when embryo is formed, or with implantation? THOSE are answers, but incredibly difficult ones to find without some testing and serious commitment on your dr.'s part. Unfortunately, with IVF available, it's almost working against us in the diagnosis dept - why should they delve into the WHY when it won't change their treatment?
Sigh.
I don't think you came across as self-absorbed at all. I think unexplained is impossibly frustrating because there is nothing "wrong" but something isn't right, either.
It all sucks - no matter how you dice it. And no need to apologize or explain - this is your blog - for your feelings. No need to explain!!!
I feel your pain about being diagnosed Unexplained though... while it's true that every diagnosis has its own inherent difficulties or issues to be endured, I think it is hard to have a diagnosis for the undiagnosable... we are the ones left with no real plan of how to effectively treat our IF.
But, you are SO right in that all IF just plain stinks--there's no denying that.
I know lots of people that think it's self-absorbed to even have a blog (yep, they're the ones that don't have ones themselves)--but in the land of IF, blogs and message boards are one of the few ways that I can reach out to others in my same boat, that can empathize with our IF plight, and share with one another... to me, that is most definitely a worthy endeavor and outlet for our thoughts/feelings & experiences...
THanks for sharing, and keep it up! :)
Thanks for sharing. We all get a little crazy from time to time, and that's what we are all here for. We're here for those times when life makes us insane.
I don't have a diagnosis either. My insurance was cut due to budget cuts in education (im a teacher) so I have to wait till Sept to find out for sure.
I wish I knew, so I could fix it.
I understand your frustation and am hoping that you will get some answers soon.
Warm wishes, and happy thoughts,
Ashlee ICLW #180
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