CD8

Well, I took my last Clomid pill last night. What I can tell you about this round of Clomid so far, is this:

- My ovaries are twinging for sure. Some of these twinges (on both sides) have been pretty sharp and taken me by surprise. The twinges have stopped me in my tracks on more than one occasion.

- I'm emotional. I'm only on 50mg and that usually doesn't affect my emotions very much. This time around, though, it's making me feel like I have PMS. I'm quick to tear up and have all sorts of sad thoughts. And I'm quick to snap and get ticked off at little things.

I hope I'm not messing anything up with my insides by taking this Clomid without first seeing if there were any cysts in there. And I hope these hormones don't mess with my already somewhat unpredictable cycles. Am I being too paranoid? I think it's the medicine making me freak out about all this right now. I don't remember Clomid having this affect on me before, but it has been a year since it's been in my body.

The POAS will begin tomorrow mid-morning to try and detect my LH surge. I'm sure it will be negative tomorrow, but with my cycles you just never know anymore. My guess is that I will hit my peak days this weekend. I'd love to get some good BD'ing in Saturday and Sunday but will probably only manage 1 of those days. We'll have to play it by ear I guess.

I called a woman on TV a bitch the other night. I was upset with myself for saying it after I said it. We were watching a new show on hgtv about first time home sellers. This couple wanted to sell their 2 bedroom, small rambler and buy a bigger house because they are ready to start a family. She must have said that at least 3 times before I wished her luck with that. I also proceeded to tell her that just because you buy the house with 4-bedrooms doesn't mean that you get to fill them with babies. And hopefully you (she) isn't stuck with a great house that just ends up being empty. At the end of the show they finally sold their house and bought a really nice 4 bedroom home. As I was commenting on how pretty the house was, she announced that in about 7 months there would be 3 of them living there. So I called her a bitch. Not a very nice thing to do. Especially since she seemed like a very pleasant young woman. And I also was mad at myself because I don't really want other women to have difficulties TTC. It sucks and it can suck the life right out of you. But does it have to be so damned easy for some people? Why can't we infertiles just say "we are ready for a family" and just get knocked up? Can't there be a "standard" of waiting time before you get your BFP? Let's say that no one gets pregnant unless they've been trying for at least 6 months. Then on your 7th cycle, once you have suffered through 6 negatives, you get your BFP. I think I was really starting to wonder if something was wrong by my 6th failed cycle. And I wanted a BFP so bad that I could taste it. If we have a waiting time, then we will appreciate those positives even more when we get them on that 7th cycle. That way, no one woman suffers any more than any other woman. AND...we all get babies!

If only it were that easy. Oh yeah...for most couples it IS that easy.