Dream On

I can't even count the number of dreams I have had over the years about being pregnant or being a parent. I also wish I had a nickel for every time that someone I know has told me that they had a dream about me being pregnant. I have always thought and said "oh it must be a sign...this is our month!" Nothing could have been further from the truth. It's obvious that my mind had just been so consumed with getting knocked up that I carried my obsession into my sleep. I haven't had a dream like that in a very long time. I had one last night. I'm going to try and tell you my dream and hope that I don't come off as completely whacked out.

I was in a scenario with my boss and her right-hand lady. In this scenario, we were going to be traveling (presumably "home") by raft across a great body of water. It felt like we were going from Cuba to FL. Please don't ask me why as I am as baffled as anyone by this scenario. As we are floating along the vast body of water, there are other rafters around...refugees I guess, I'm not really sure. I know it was night time and I know I was pregnant. I had just found out and had not told anyone yet. There was some sort of entity trying to stop us from proceeding...it was kind of gobbling up rafts, if you will. Anyway....something happened and I woke up in the dream and was very disappointed that I wasn't really pregnant. Fast forward to making it to our destination. We walked into a store or something and someone noticed that I had a baby bump. No one was more surprised than I, as I thought I wasn't really pregnant. I remember looking down and seeing that my pants wouldn't button and that, indeed, I had a bump. I was congratulated for making it to 22 weeks and that we would soon know the sex of the baby as we were getting ready to have our sonogram. I remember being so happy that it wasn't a dream and I was touching my stomach and rubbing it and I had the biggest smile on my face....then my eyes opened for real. No raft, no water, no baby. I felt empty. I wondered if I would ever get the chance to be so happy rubbing my big belly.

It was such a let down. I guess the fact that I started my stims yesterday morning must have led to the new found hope that produced this pregnancy dream. Either that or the fact that I had trouble buttoning my shorts yesterday and thought to myself that I wish the bloatedness I was feeling was because I had a baby in there. Whatever brought it on, I hope that it doesn't happen again UNTIL I am actually knocked up with child. See? I'm staying positive.

I started my stimming meds yesterday morning without a problem. The problem came last night with my Menopur. I forgot that I needed 2 vials and apparently I forgot how to mix everything. I had to re-do my alcohol swabbing of my tummy because I was tired of holding my shirt up with my chin while I mixed the liquid with the powder so I just let it drop once I realized I needed another vial of the powder. You would have thought this was the first time I had done this. BJ almost came into the bathroom to make sure I was ok because I was in there for so long. The Gonal-f is a breeze but the Menopur is another story. There's something about the Q-cap that makes it difficult to get the right amount of air in the vial while trying to pull all the liquid out....ugh. It's not rocket science but I sometimes have issues.